Dr. Laura Fans (others too) can you help me?

Question

I need good, solid, valid reasons why it's a bad idea for my 19 yr old step-daughter to move in with her 24 yr old boyfriend. She's away at college and met this yahoo of a guy whom her mother and I really don't care for. I realize she's 19 and can make her own decisions, and I'll just have to live it, but please help me come up with some really good, decision swaying reasons why she should not do this. Also reasons why the 5 yr gap in their ages is not a good thing either. I'm really trying to help her from making really stupid life mistakes, and I really need some ammo to drive the point home. I have my reasons, but they don't seem to hold any weight.

Any and all answers considered. Can you please please help me?

I know people, but tell me why it's a bad idea!! And they did not meet on the internet.

Answer 1

Well I don't worship people including Dr. Laura but here are some good points.

1. He's probably aware he can use her as a write-off.

2. If they split up, since they have chosen to play house and choose to disrespect that marriage is the only way to be actually be married (a unity for adults who choose become one for life) the opposite is divorce. That of which nobody thinks of in advance that fills the pockets of those who wait...mirroring marriage is not exempt from a natural consequence called mirroring divorce. Consider that choices to cohabitate can bring on the same lawyers, judges, splitting of property etc in many states. Your daughter as well as he should realize that marriage is serious business ...the fact that they are young, have no repect for the institution of marriage...or he would ask for her hand...proves they are just playing house and both have their cake and are definately eating it.

Don't walk around her on eggshells and let her know your advice as a parent is none of her business when she attempts the guilt trip or tries to impose secular belief on you. She's 19, according to the info, and responsible for every choice she makes but parents will always be older and wiser ...not to mention can't dump the title of "parent" no more than son or daughter can dump their title. Altho Satan bellows the suggestion daily to all. Since your daughter can't see this man is no gentleman and she has issues herself find out if this guys dad agrees with this you may have to end up talking with both of them. If they don't listen you've done your job any negative result belongs to them as well as any positive lifestyle decision.

Answer 2

This is what I told my daughters; if you live with a guy someone usually gets the short end of the stick. Usually the woman. When the relationship ends and it surely will , you end up with an apartment you can't afford, furniture you're still paying for, usually credit card debt that mostly isn't even yours. He's long gone and you're stuck with all of the financial responsibility. I stuck with the practical aspects of living together rather than the moral. I knew my daughters would think I was just being an old prude if I went that route. As for the age difference; he is probably done with college and starting his career and she is just starting her college years. The difference in their outlooks will be big. She'll want to have fun in these years with her friends. It's a time to learn, have fun and find out who you really are. He'll be an anchor around her neck very shortly. Good luck!

Answer 3

She's not really mature enough to make that sort of decision yet. She has lots of living to do, and that doesn't include shacking up with a guy she's met on the internet (Sorry if the shacking up comment offends)
Since he was met on the internet, she really can't be sure about what he is like, he could be a cunning serial killer.

Answer 4

how many years are there between you and your wife?
there are 5 years between me and my husband
of only 5 years
my mother doesn't like him and his mother doesn't like me

before coming up with ideas for them not to will only send her straight there

you never gave reason you didn't like him so there isn't much to go on

but what you need to ask yourself and set your daughter out of the picture for a minute is

would he make a good provider---not only with money but when they are together does he seem like he cares
does he have a job---or in school too

ask him what his future plans are

we all have a way of blocking thing that are good about people just because no one will ever be good enough for our children and then years down the road and grand children come along most people say that they are the best thing that ever happened to them

you need to ask the daughter if she is truely happy and ask her what things they have in common things they enjoy together

but please just remember the harder you shove her not to the more she will i think when we are younger that we all go through that stage just to prove to our parent that we make our own decisions if you would act like you like him maybe she would drop the idea because of that alone as my mom say reverse thinking and it worked more than once on me

but also think what ever is bad there is always worse people she could bring home and it might be some one hat may hit her or any thing like that

my husband is good to me no were not perfect together i think we clash and we see things differetly but he is i good provider and he doesn't hit on me but as far as taking care of the children or the house he's lacking alot but he's faithful and honest and i could have married worse
GOOD LUCK

Answer 5

Don't go with the age difference being a problem; it really isn't, so it's not a good argument.
You just need to talk to her and ask if she EVER wants to get married. Shacking up with a guy is the worst path to get there.