Marriage sucks big time..where do head next...Feel lost?

Question

I am a 33yrs old M'sian guy who got separated in 15 mths. I hv a 7mths old baby boy and my wife wants to leave to South Africe on a new job for a yr. I hv been working fr 10 yrs and started business 3yrs ago. I was very successfull & decided to get myself married with a girl I love very much. I got engaged in 3mths after we met and married 8mths later. I lost everything in business last yr, my comp & projects went bust,heavy debts with banks, friends & relatives...She says she cant handle the situation & wants out frm the marriage. She wants to lead her own life. She is working woman & recently she applied for a job in South africa &she got it. She is now fyling off in 2wks for a one yr contract term.My son is currently taken care by my parents...I cant believe a girl i married and loved her so much would leave in a time like this. She is the 1st one to run...She is listening to her friends whom are advising her to live her life.I tried talking & explaining,but does nt work.

Answer 1

If she is the 1st one running out of your life when all things have gone wrong then its clear to you that she was never for you from the start. She was probably the career minded female. So concentrate on your work and forget about her for a while. Maybe this 1 year will help you redefine your life. Man and Women are supports in good and bad times for each other and in your bad time if your women is gone....good... you have understood she was never yours to stay.

Answer 2

I'm sorry about this. It totally sucks when someone you thought would always be there for you just leaves when there is trouble. I do agree with some of the others. Can't you go to South Africa with her, find a job, and try to pay off some of the debt? It sure beats being away from her, doesn't it? And never say, "I can't go because of...". If you want to be with her, you will find a way.

Good Luck!

Answer 3

Maybe the pressures you put her under were too great.
It doesn't mean she is a bad person or can't make up her own mind.
Perhaps you should take a good look at where you are at, your plans to get back on your feet and get on with life.
This is your pile of debris and maybe you shouldn't be in business for yourself.
Some people just can't do it. Resign yourself to the fact you made a big mistake, pick up the pieces and get on with it.
If she doesn't want to be with you. so be it.
Why would you want a relationship with someone who is not there through thick and thin?
Perhaps you made a hasty decision again, when you married her.
You need to stop acting on whims and get your feet firmly planted in the ground.
You might be better working for someone, at least you don't take your job home with you and don't put your family through hell, when you lose everything.
This is a time for you to reflect, take some me time and get your head on straight.
If she leaves, it is unfortunate, but in a way a gift. At least now you know you won't be spending your life with someone who doesn't support you..... Life lesson here Bud.......

Answer 4

Wow! How sad it is that all of these people are telling you to move on. That is the problem with the attitude towards marriage these days - it's so easy to get out of. I agree with the first guy. You made vows before God and each other to stick it out through thick and thin. Remind her of that. Remind her of how much you two loved each other. I know things change. I have been with my husband for 10 years, but marriage should be seen as a contractually binding union. NOTHING except infidelity or violence should break you two up.. TRY! TRY! TRY! You have a baby for crying out loud.

Answer 5

Try to make your marriage better. Take your wife on a vacation, no kids and talk, really talk, justthe two of you.

Maybe there is something else going on, like another man. My husband told me that he "needed space" when really he needed another woman.

In the meantime, start treating yourself. arrange to hire a nanny ( au pairs are much cheaper than people think) so that you can take care of your kid. Join a club for newly sigle parents. See what ishappening in the world. Don't get stuuck in depression. Get on with your life. Don't wait.

Answer 6

Real relationship goes through problems and grow stronger. I am sorry to say, but she doesn't love you enough. Your wife said it clear she wants out from the marriage, and wants to lead her own life. I'm afraid that's the decision she's already made, and there's not much you can do about it. But always remember that your life is yours, which you have full control over. Try get yourself together and solve one problem at a time. Do your best for your kid and your own good.

Good luck.

Answer 7

Live with your parents until you get back on your feet as soon as possible and take your son with you get her for abandonment she'll have to pay child support and he will be yours you don't need her next time make sure you know a girl at least a year and then are engaged at least a year make sure shes mature good with your son good paying job and 26 or older

Answer 8

well that really does suck big time, im sorry to hear what happened to you, but it looks like this girl isn't worth your time anyway. when you marry someone you're meant to be with them through the hard times and the good, and if she's not willing to support you in your time of need then she is no good for you! there is a quote by confuscious that i think of when times are bad "the gem cannot be polished without friction, nor man perfected without trials", good luck to you and just remember - you can do much better than her!

Answer 9

yeh its tough, every marriage has its trouble, no ones marriage is perfect. when couples realise this then they
wont run the first moment it gets tough. but the good thing is she wasnt cut out for it so now you have got rid of her.
so you are free to find another woman whom prehaps has
better commitment, than even waste more of your time on the other one to have it come undone even latter in life.so yeh in this circumstance, see it as a good thing. try to find a christian woman prehaps, not a loop head but one with good principles whom upholds strongly her commitment and marriage vows. my wife is a christian and if she wasnt, our marriage would not have survived through the extreme tough times we have had, and yet our marriage is even stronger now cause of it.-let the dog return to its vomit. you dont want a women who isnt cut out for for it because it only brings suffering.

Answer 10

You need to find a way to move on yourself, it sounds to me that she was in it for the money you could have made in your business. One day you will have a business that takes off, and guess who will be knocking your door, all sorry for the pain they caused you, and they won't believe what they have done because they have always loved you so much! HOG WASH. Please do yourself and your child a favor and take her to the airport yourself.