can you make an ex fall in love with you again???

Question

we split after 7 yrs (read my other questions to get a better angle on my situation) we keep arguing on the phone, tells me to move on but then he wants us back? says i have killed all the love he had for me? im letting him see his daughter dont want to keep them apart they do love each other, he is confused, so am i!!! how can i make him want me like he used to???

Answer 1

Don't be drawn back into this ... it really is not worth it. Let him see his daughter by all means, but you will never have the same thing you had when you first met him, there has been to much water under the bridge ... Get real. This is wishful thinking on your part - let him go and move on.

Answer 2

Sorry to be a bit doom and gloom, but Im afraid that you cannot turn back time and take back things that have been said or done however hard you try. From my experience, things dont often work the second time around as there is a lot of resentment! Think of why you split up in the first place. Unless you have both dramatically changed then things will be the same. If he says that you have killed all the love he had for you, then I think he has made his mind up. If he hasn't, then can you live with someone again who has said things like that to you, wondering if he is thinking it every day?

Answer 3

You can't so don't try. Even if you could be back in a relationship, it wouldn't be like it was before (just like you can rebuild your house on the same lot with the same floor plan but it won't be the same house that stood there before).
If you don't try, what would happen? If you stepped back, relaxed, started dating, told your ex- that you will always love him as a friend and he is going to always be in you and your daughter's lives, then what would happen? You'd become a stronger person by taking that first step to be a stronger person.
Maybe he's a little bit afraid of you. When he says he wants you back, could it be that he's afraid you would cut him off from having contact with the daughter you share? You have to be the mature one in this situation.
He tells you to move on, tells you he wants you back - there's also the possibilty that he's enjoying the power of directing you what to do. If he felt strong love for you (aside from occasional surges of lust if he's bored), would he say that you dilled all the love he had for you? I don't think so. If he felt strong love for you, he would court you and win you back and commit to you.
Daydreams about situations like this almost make sense if you can argue enough and keep talking - as if you cared about each other. But the reality is: he doesn't want you or he'd be committed to you. You only demonstrate that he can keep you on a loose leash so he doesn't care much about how he talks to you.
You can't go back. Think of yourself and your future. Your daughter will always be able to see her father and if you keep it civil and friendly, he will be awed by how much you have it together. Don't think of this as a ploy to get him back. If you truly have it together, you won't want him back and all the games he plays.

Answer 4

You can't make someone love you no matter how hard you try. You two will always have your daughter as a connection so it's not like you can sever all ties. Time will make it easier for both of you but you must make a new life for yourself without him. Don't waste it hoping to go back. You are bound to still have feelings for each other after sharing so much but that doesn't mean you can get your old relationship back. Good luck and make the most of life for your daughter's sake as well as yours.

Answer 5

Try backing off,and i'm not being rude. Just be normal,when he drops your daughter back home just smile and say was everything ok-good-see u next week! and the more u do this he will begin to think she dont want me back no more.If he does ask u whats wrong just say u have a point i am going to move on.Believe me the more u back off(only text or ring to arrange contact with your daughter)the closer he will get (if he wants to) and if he is confused it will give him time to get to a decision about what he wants,will take time just be patient.And good luck!!

Answer 6

Hello Ann,
Yes of course you can, but my love it is going to tyake time, and a lot of close attention to a lot of memorised details, start with making him want you like he used to, thnik about what it was like for you both, and what the excitement was like, and then what was it like after all the thrills and spills to coin a phrase!
It's nice that he can see his little girl, and of course she loves him, but at the same time he is seeing you, tell him how nice it is to see him again, and if he has to leave after seing his little girl, he will probably want to kiss her before he goes, that's a good time to ask him, Hey! where's my kiss then? and if he stops to kiss you before he leaves, kiss him, 'til his face wants to either drop off, or even just lower a bit and kiss you elsewhere. (please Ann, forgive me, if this is sounding a bit forward, but I really am trying to help, by simply putting me in your ex's position)
I have never been in his position, and with a little girl between you both, it must be a fearful state to be in. let me talk now about confusion. If you are both confused, there may be a difficulty in trying to talk especially when the child can hear, so the odd well written letter, even if its only on a 'miss you' card is going to go a long way to commence easing the confusion a bit,
If you feel like you would like to make love with him, there's nothing like telling him, he may want to do the same, and even if you don't at that particular time, it is a non-confusing point he will take away with him, and be able to think about 'til nex time he is with you, and when he arrives at your door, wouldn't it be nice to have him kiss you at that moment, you are going to know that he really was thinking about you since the last time he was at your house, and his points of confusion will vanish immedately, if he can know and understand what points you are trying to make, but you are going to have to smile a lot, and even let the tears flow a little. You seem keen to restart this love again, well honey, you will have to work at it a bit... Have his dinner ready for his next visit, and ask him to join you and your little girl for dinner. I heard the way to a mans Heart is through his stomach, why not see if it's the truth. send text messages telling him you miss him, do all these things, and something could even start the spark up again. I have not read your other letters, so this reply isn't fully researched, but I do so hope it works for you, good luck.. bye Tony M

Answer 7

I think now you need to be sure you want him back. Like you say, both of you are confused. So maybe you at least be sure of your feelings before thinking of getting back together again.

Answer 8

I don't know, seem like if it didn't work after seven years of trying its not going to work. Maybe though you can find a way. Not sure you would want to put yourself through all that hell again? Up to you, only you know if its worth it.

Answer 9

You have to learn to love yourself before you can expect him to fall back in love with you.

Do things for yourself and learn to be truly happy with who you are. If he sees you becoming a happy, contented, vibrant woman, he will want you... but only if that's what he wants. You can't make someone fall in love with you, but you can change what you want!!

Good luck in whatever you decide to do - but remember, whatever you do, do it for yourself!!

Answer 10

u cant MAKE anyone fall in love with you. i think even if your still in love at least let it look like on the outside what his missing, he may regret his mistake and get back with you, and please dont let your child see you argue with him otherwise she may feel that its acceptable to be treated that way.
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