our marriage broke up a year ago, and we were just trying one last time to see if it would work. like go back to dating, rather than be married, when we were married he changed, he started treating me like his property, things got really bad. he wanted to get re-married, but i wasn't sure because of how things were the first time. Then i fell pregnant, and he is saying to me to have an abortion and then go back so we can do the things that he wants. I feel like i've already bonded with the baby, I was scared but now i'm also excited. I've found a two-bedroomed house for us, and my job will cover maternity. Also, I dont think i could go through with an abortion.
That leaves one big problem (at least!!) the father wants nothing to do with the baby. he doesn't want to tell his family. My family dont know we were trying to get back together, so they dont even know i could be pregnant. my dad is in the church so he disapproves of single families. I just feel like i'm the only one..
2007-03-04 23:17:45 · 31 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
what should i do?
2007-03-04 23:18:56 · update #1
KEEP THE BABY AND LOSE THE HUSBAND!!!! This baby will be the best thing in your life and as for your dad, once he would see the baby grandpa mode is sure to follow! I wish you the best and just think happy thoughts for your baby.
2007-03-04 23:27:51 · answer #1 · answered by Melissa M 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Do not abort your baby- your ex seems to be very selfish- He wants a relationship on his terms only, that does not include a baby. He chose to have sex with you. He wants you without any responsibility. You say that he treated you like his property when you were married- it still seems like he is-
You are bonding with your baby- that is very normal. An abortion does not even take a life, it can cause many problems for you- guilt, shame, remember that you took a life. Physical risks, can cause bleeding that does not stop, torn uterus. When your ex wants a baby later maybe you would not be able to conceive or miscarry more. You have a responsibility to that little one now- you really do know what is best, don't you? If you think that your ex will leave you if you do not abort, then that shows that he really does not care for anyone but himself. There is statistics that show that men that desire their mates to have an abortion leave them down the road anyway, due to the stress that it brings on the woman. I would love to talk more, so if you would like to email me, feel free.
2007-03-05 10:29:58 · answer #2 · answered by AdoreHim 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetie you are the only one that can really answer that,but from the way it sounds you really want this baby.And it would be a shame for you to abort a blessing like this that God has given you over a man, especially one that you are not happy with ,he has not right to control you at all and by telling you to abort this baby he is trying to.I think that you should kick his but to the curb,and never look back other than for child support, get your cute little house you found for you and your baby,and have a very nice life.As far as your dad,he will understand maybe not right off but he will,after all you said he is in church so he wouldnt want you to abort the baby.And there is a nice man out there that will love you and cherish you and the baby,help you raise it as his own and be there for it,trust me.I wish you the very best and good luck
2007-03-05 07:27:58 · answer #3 · answered by Sunshine 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
do what u think is best. you are carrying a miracle inside u. your dads in the church and would probably disagree with an abortion more if u r worried about others thoughts. **** your husband. hell be missing out not u. you will feell the kicks inside. see a miracle come to life at the birth. youll see the first smile. hear the babies first coo. do what u need 4 yourself. it seems like u have been doing everything for everyone else. its your turn . despitewhat your families beliefs are they will be there 4 u. it may take a little bit, but believe me a baby can even bring the most cracked family together. maybe your husband will come around, but base your descision on your self. U will have a great bond with the baby now and even a greater one to come. gurl rub your belly and talk to your baby. u will feel so much better and dont worry about everyone else. your husband did what it takes to have a baby so its not like u dreamed it and it came. good luck and your life will get better. when ever i feel bad my son looks at me or smiles or kisses me and turns me around.
2007-03-05 08:33:30 · answer #4 · answered by Mrs.Vick 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a lot to take all at once. It so clear on what you should do about your ex-husband. You guys ended the marriage the first time because things clearly weren't working out. I don't think things will change between you two especially now since you are expecting and he is rejecting it. Just forget about him, easier said then done I know but it isn't working out and you have more important things to worry about right now. Now, as far as your family goes, I'm at a complete stand still. No one wants to disappoint their folks and your dad is really big into the church. I'm naive so I feel that if your parents love you then they will support you no matter what. Women are raising kids alone everyday, its just the kind of realistic world we live in now. People can preach all day long about the right way to do things but please show me a perfect person!!! They don't exist and never will. First things first, concentrate on getting full support from your family. You will need them in your life and everything else will start to make a little more sense to you. Good luck to you.
2007-03-05 07:53:13 · answer #5 · answered by CeeCee19 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't abort the baby, it's your body and you seem to have things well at hand. If he wants no part of it, then that will change, weather he likes it or not. He cannot just renege on a baby. There are laws and he will have to support the child. Hopefully you won't have to take him to court for child support but if need be, do what you must. Just try and be calm and relaxed for your baby, I cannot begin to describe how bad stress is for him/her. As for your dad, he will have to understand, it's not like it was all your choice and you were married, so technically you are not a single mom. your husband is the one the bailed not you. He will understand. Good luck and keep cool and collected for the baby's sake.
2007-03-05 08:40:21 · answer #6 · answered by earthstarlatin 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Firstly, forget about anyone else trying to impose their values/morals on you - at a time like this you have to be a bit selfish and think about what is right for YOU because believe me, everyone will have an opinion and you'll never settle on a solution that suits everyone. So don't worry about your dad or the church or anyone else for a moment here - just think about YOU.
Your ex-husband sounds like a bit of a dud - wanting you to abort your baby. Only opt for an abortion if it something you think is right for you and that you can live with. He knows how babies are made, right? He had sex, he knew this risks. It's amazing how many men do this - have sex and then get all shocked and upset when pregnancy occurs. So don't let him make you feel guilty about this, or start playing the victim, like you messed up his plans or anything. That doesn't wash. He may want nothing to do with the baby but he is a fther, he has to take responsibility. Don't accept that he doesn't have to see the child or pay child support. He does. The law is on your side there.
Okay, having said that you're obviously confused about how your folks are going to react so you may need to see a counsellor who can help you get some clarity around this. Sorry to say this but your father is being incredibly narrow minded and hypocritical in "disapproving" of single parent families. They are everywhere, and quite successfully too might I add. Does he not allow single parents into his church? Divorcees, widows, abandoned women, absent fathers, single gals who felt their biological clocks ticking.... single parent families happen for all sorts of reasons. If he wants to get all righteous about it then that's his problem. But you are going to have a baby! It's his loss if he wants to judge you and miss out on the blessing of a grandchild. Ridiculous.
I am sure if you sat them down and told them exactly what has happened they will probably be more accepting of it all than you think. Tell them you are scared and anxious about their thoughts however you have made up your mind and have reserached how you can make this work for you, and are not going into it with a blindfold on - that you are capable, resourceful and excited, and are going to do this no matter what, you'd just rather it be with their support and blessing than without.
Anyway, good luck and I wish you all the best.
2007-03-05 07:36:22 · answer #7 · answered by SydneyMum101 6 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Since you want this child and are already planning for it, keep the baby. Your family will love and support you no matter what, even if they disapprove in the beginning.
But, make sure that you have your ex-husband sign over his parental rights. It will save heartache later if he suddenly has a guilty conscience and wants to have visitation with the child. You do not need a husband, especially one like him, to raise a wonderful child.
You are going to be a great mother. Best luck to you.
2007-03-05 07:33:19 · answer #8 · answered by Abby 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow...first the easy part your family. If your father is in the church he should understand that abortion will be killing a life. It may take some time but he will eventually accept your baby. As for your husband...I think it is really up to you. I take it your mind is made up to have the baby. You could keep trying to keep him involved with the baby or you could completely shut him out. I am a single mother and let me tell you a one on one with a child is not easy. It is very rewarding. I made the choice to shut out her father. She is nine now. So far so good.
I hope you make the right choice. Good luck!!
2007-03-05 07:25:57 · answer #9 · answered by Mickey22_jp 3 · 3⤊ 1⤋
I'm practically in the same situation, so I can relate to you. First off, ditch him. My ex went nuts on me, and threatened my life when we found out I was pregnant(due the 28th). Needless to say he wants nothing to do with her, and I have moved on and found somebody else who's already has a son, and he now wants to adopt my baby girl as his own. This though leads to no child support from her birth-father. But, wouldn't be needed with my new husband and I working. I would tell you to take him for child support and whatever else you can get out of him, for your child's sake, not yours, not for your own revenge. He will eventually want to be a part of it's life. My ex's dad walked out on him and his mom when he was three, he did nothing but pay child support, and now regrets that he has no relation with his only son and daughter. My ex will feel the same, but he will also know how my daughter will feel because of his absence. If you can do it on your own, and feel ready to, go ahead and do it. Your dad is your dad, you can't change that. He can feel how he wants, but he will eventually come around cause you are his daughter. I wish you the best of luck with your situtation, and if you feel you can't take care of the child, find a couple who can, and you will make them the happiest people in the world. I know, My first daughter was adopted, and in a better situation than she would have been in during my divorce. I hope that this has been some help to you.
2007-03-05 07:55:15 · answer #10 · answered by Victoria B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your marriage broke up a year ago because of the way he treated you. Nothing has changed. It is your body - your baby - your decision. You already had made that decision. The only right decision he could have made, would have been to make sure he did not make you pregnant. Your plan sounds good so go with it.
Good luck...
2007-03-05 07:33:36 · answer #11 · answered by mark2zephyr 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋