What do you do with a friend that brings you down?

Question

I have a friend who Ive known for 6 years and in that time I have got myself a lovely husband ,2 children and a nice house.But my friend has not moved on in life.She is still at home with parents and has been seeing her ex who is married with children andf obviously is stringing her along.She comes to my house and sits there all night 3 times a week moaning that she hasnt got what her friends have and how she cant be happy for me because shes so jelous(her own words).She has started to take over in my house,helping herself to things.She says things to my husband that a friend shouldnt say and has generally got too much.We dread her turning up.What can I say or do?

Answer 1

Lorraine you have got to nip this in the bud now!!

She is a danger to your relationship. If she is taking
over in your house, what will she do next.

You tell her that you have your own life and in the
evenings you want quality time with your family.
Also let her know that your husband doesn,t take too
kindly to the way that she is behaving towards him.
If you can,t bring yourself to tell her, then write her a
letter and put it through her letterbox. When she turns
up don,t answer the door.
This is a friend that you can do without.
She could start making things up and it will put doubts
in your mind about your husband and her. Ditch her.,
and tell her to go and make a life for herself that does
not include you and your husband. I know it sounds
harsh - but I do know through experience. Good Luck
and be brave.

Answer 2

there's a huge undercurrent of jealousy running along here, and that can easily turn into a destructive streak, i.e. she wants to ruin the happiness you have so that both you and she can sit around whining about life. Sorry, but that's how it is.
Try and introduce her to someone who's worse off than her, so she can feel superior to them (at the moment she feels inferior to you - you have all the things she wants). Don't try and counsel her - you've tried that already. Just nod your head and smile sweetly and agree with her that life is a total bummer, tut-tut appropriately and then show her the door. If she says inappropriate things then say, immediately, "I'm surprised you said that, I always thought you had much better manners". That should shut her up and modify her behaviour.
Sadly, however, friendships do change and people move on. Your lives are changing and when you have little in common it is hard to sustain a friendship. Perhaps now is the time to acknowledge that you and she have come to a parting of the ways. But, however you do it, do it with compassion and kindness - she has a lot of troubles but many of them are self-inflicted. It's for her to find the solution.

Answer 3

Ask the green-eyed monster to stay away. She has obviously got no self-esteem and no goals in life. She will end up dragging you down which will cause ill feelings in your own home, which you dont want. If you cannot tell her ask your husband to have a word with her. Just dont answer the door when she knocks and she will soon get the hint, and then I would ring the poor woman whose dog of a partner is having an affair with little green eyes herself.Just dont say who it is ringing and I bet you will be doing her a great favour.

Answer 4

Tell her that if she values your friendship, she needs to allow you to take care of your responsiblities. You mioght use lines such as these: "Let start getting together once a week, so that I can attend to some things that I have been neglecting at home." "You seem so unhappy, why don't you just leave that no good married man and find someone who is always available to make you happy. Look how happy my husband makes me. This is what love is all about." " How would you feel if your husband was cheating on you?"

Answer 5

I think that you should sit her down and tell her how you feel. Be firm that if she cannot be happy for you and doesnt stop saying whatever she is saying to your husband then you no longer want anything to do with her. I know it's harsh but it doesnt sound like she is a genuine friend to you anyway.

Fair enough sometimes we all get an attack of the green eyed monster but to actually say that she cant be happy for you then actually interfere with your marriage, create negativity in your household is just wrong.

You and your family do not need to be around people like her.

I had a "friend" who was jealous of anybody and everybody, including her own sister, who had something that she wanted but did not have. In the end she crossed the line with me and I told her how I felt but then just stopped speaking to her.
In all honesty I feel much better about it and can get on with my life without her negativity and jealousy.

But do what you think is right for you and your family.

Good luck and God Bless.

Answer 6

AS a friend you are you can myabe help her get somewere in life. But don't treat her like a little girl, cuz she must be a grown women by now. Since you have your own family and home of your own, don't let no one come in your home and bringing alot of negativity. A friend wouldn't be jealous of you, they'll actually be happy for you. But if she really wanted a family and a home, and a better life, she would try to help herself get that oppurtunity.
I think you should help her alittle, and support her, and let her know that your a good friend. But don't help someone if there not interested in helping themsleves. I sure wouldn't want someone in my house moping, it will just make me feel down.
You don't want that at all. Well, take care!!!!!!! :)

Answer 7

You have to give this 'friend' an ultimatum. Friendships are relationships like anything else, and she is not being a friend to you. If you are dreading her turning up, you need to sit her down and give her a good talking to.

This is your home and she has no right to do this. Tell her you love her as a friend, but if she continues on the way she is she will end up lonely and without friends. She obviously needs help as she is getting herself depressed about her life, but she needs a sharp shock to pull her out of this.

Good luck and don't back down. If this continues, you really have to consider if the friendship is worth saving.

Answer 8

Nothing.
Dump her, a true friend wouldn't act in this fashion towards you.
They would be supportive & happy for your successes & failures, without being a negative influence on you.
Tell her to shape up or ship out, when she has her stuff together in her OWN life.... she will No longer be just a Sideline Ho. Because that is obviously what SHE is being played for.
Maybe then, she will toughen up & change her ways for the better.

Answer 9

Well, I would avoid answering the door to her unless I was up for a visit, or I would grab my purse and keys and say, "Honey, come on! We're running late!" Tell her that you're sorry, she caught you at a bad time. Gather up the kids and just take a drive. If she isn't able to drop in any time she wants, she will eventually stop dropping in. Of course, if your gutsy enough, you can just tell her what you wrote here, or let her read it for herself. Good luck.

Answer 10

Sounds as though it is a case of familiarity breeds content. So you must be firm but gentle with your friend and tell her that you feel that she ought to find a new circle of friends as she is using you as a crutch for her lack of friends. Also mention that you do not like how familiar she has become with your husband.

He would probably like to tell her to get to fxck but is too much of a gentleman and perhaps he ought so suggest it to (talk to him about it him) and leave the room for a wee while so that he can do just that.


Good luck, and try to keep a sense of proportion.