Did I Go Through Child Abuse?

Question

My parents and relatives say that my childhood was normal, but my fiance says it wasn't. Can you help me? I was locked in a 3' x 3' shower and my room (everything but books was taken out) and during these times I couldn't change my clothes or shower. This lasted 2 weeks straight once. I literally went through my childhood getting "whoopins" every day or at least every other day. There were times that my mom would beat me until she was out of breath and sweating. When I was 15, I started getting beatings in front of my dad while completely naked. I had the responsibility of cleaning our 6 bedroom/3 1/2 bathroom house by myself, doing laundry for 4 people, I had to do hard labor landscaping on over an acre of land by myself every day (laying decorative 5 lb bricks and over 100 bags of mulch), take care of my elderly grandmother who had Alzheimer's, and I was still expected to get straight As. I was home schooled until 8th grade and then I was still expected to handle all of this.

Also, my grandma just died last Sunday and her funeral was this Friday. My mom told me that I could go to the funeral if I apologized for telling people 2 years ago that she had abused me (and I called the people and apologized even though I do sort of feel that it was abuse), but in the middle of the week she began ignoring me and then I finally got a hold of her Saturday and she said that my coming to the funeral would have been "too much" so she didn't want to talk to me so that I wouldn't be able to show up. She told everyone at the funeral that I was in Sacramento (my grandma's funeral was in L.A.) and everyone thought I just didn't come to be a horrible person. I was crying all day Saturday when I found out what my mom had done and she just said that my missing my grandma's funeral was "an unfortunate experience". I mentioned to my mom that I felt that what she had done was abuse and she told me that she raised me normally. My fiance is mad and says it's not normal though.

Answer 1

It sounds a lot like abuse to me. There's no need to hit, let alone beat, a child and there is no possible reason for one parent to hit a naked teenager in front of the other.

Now, what are you going to do about it? It sounds like your family have built a wall around this behaviour, so there's little chance of getting anyone to admit to it. That being the case the only option you have is to work out how you can deal with it and not let the cycle of abuse start over with your own child.

Assuming this and your last post are genuine - how's the pregnancy going?

Answer 2

Yes, I too believe this is abuse. I am so sorry you endured this during your childhood. I too came from a home that others view as abusive and until I became a mother, I was unsure. Now that I'm raising my daughter, I've had many nights where I just couldn't understand why my mother could have done what she did - I just love my daughter too much to hurt her.

About the funeral - it is very hurtful. I'm sorry for that as well. I had to write because it seemed none of the others addressed that side of your dilemma. By all means, if you choose to want to go - go. They cannot stop you. Don't make a scene, just quietly arrive and pay your respects. If anyone says anything to you, be stoic. "I have every right to be here, I'm here to say goodbye to my grandmother." and leave it at that.

About your mom, as unfortunate as it is, you may want counseling or to tell her what you really think, those are both helpful, but also realize she is the only mother you will ever have and now (hopefully) you are beyond her control (and abuse).

I wish you well, sounds like you've turned out okay with all you have endured. You know what they say, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger."

Wildflower

Answer 3

It sounds like an appaling childhood to me and yes, I would say it was very abusive. However, that doesn't mean that you need to relive it all the time. If you are able to lead a normal happy life now then dont ruin it by trying to find problems.

If it does affect you now then you might want to address the way you feel about your family but that is something only you can decide. Just remember that, when you become a parent, what happened to you is not an acceptable way to raise a child.

Good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, that's definitely abuse! Sounds far from having a normal childhood. What you were made to do was totally wrong, and the beatings shouldn't have happened. Is this bothering you now? If it is, I think maybe you should talk to a counselor and they can help you deal with it. I don't know how old you are, or if you have children of your own. If you do have children of your own, these worries and feeling might have some type of impact on how you raise them. I'm not saying you are going to abuse them by any means...don't get me wrong. I think talking to a counselor or family doctor will do you a heap of good. Good luck

Answer 5

That's not a normal childhood and is abusive. Get therapy to help you come to peace with your past and to help you avoid potentially abusing your children in the future. We all say we wont be like our parents when we're older and have kids, but if it's all you know and you don't know how to handle situations any differently than what you were taught, it is very likely that you will do some of the same things to your child that were done to you.

Answer 6

You were definitely abused. This is not normal behavior and you know that deep down. Your Mum will not accept this and although I know it will be hard the best thing you can do is to distance yourself from her and anyone else who thinks this is ok. You and your fiance should build your life together and make sure that history doesn't repeat itself. try counseling for your peace of mind too. Good Luck to you.

Answer 7

yes this definitly not the normal at all and should be cosidered abuse you should consider getting consling for youself and tell your family what they did was wrong would you put your own child through this? a child is a gift from heaven and needs to be treated as such but also corrected when necesary the good way and nurtured to become a fine person loved and cared for

Answer 8

bypass in and talk on your counselor, it rather is abuse. or you may desire to call new child shielding centers. they are going to come on your place and spot what's occurring. All of you may desire to be out of that domicile. you may additionally dial 911 the subsequent time it starts, while the police get there tell them. there's a great worldwide out right here, a lot of people decide for to help. you may desire to attain out in some way. Do something very quickly!!! the main necessary element to undergo in thoughts is that it rather is not your fault! you decide on help! Get some help! Please do no longer wait till it fairly is to previous due. ************************* it fairly is like anybody is yelling all on the comparable time. even nevertheless the objective replaced into to no longer upload worry it seems exceedingly frightening. those issues are no longer an undemanding restoration. sounds like your mum and dad are dealing with an fairly tough spot stunning now. they are in all hazard good people who've basically become very puzzled and indignant and that they are taking it out on you and your siblings. CPS, can assist you to, additionally they attempt to help the kinfolk mend with counseling, interior the recommend time you and your siblings would be secure. i'm going to desire for know-how and the braveness to do in spite of you may desire to do. (hug)

Answer 9

The guy is right ...if all this went on it would be considered abuse in my book. Now that you are an adult talk to your parent's about this. Not for their sake, but to make yourself feel better. Let them know exactly how you feel about all this, and try to move past it.

Answer 10

if you are pulling our leg then this would be a worse crime and a poor joke..but if the truth is written then you have the making of a good book...it could be a movie and Paris Hilton