My husband is 27 and I am 22, and we have a 1 1/2 year old son. We have been married 2 years. The past 6 months to a year have been hellish for us. I found out my husband was having an affair with a woman he met at a local bar. I was completely devestated, and he initially turned everything on me blaming me for it and saying HE wanted to divorce ME.
Subsequently, I was suicidal and had to be admitted to a hospital for a few days, but was able to pull myself together for my son. After many battles, and a restraining order, we decided to try to work things out. Shortly after my husband lost his job as a police officer to a DUI.
I have been forced to work full time and be away from my son. We argue all the time, and I am admittingly a ***** to him because I cannot get over my anger and frusteration with the affair and him losing his job. I don't want my son to grow up in a broken home. I have a horrible negative outlook on EVERYTHING. Help?
2007-03-04 17:26:25 · 17 answers · asked by CB84 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Go seek marriage help. Its better to try to fix things now rather then look back later and wish you had done just one more thing to help the situation and give your son the parents he needs. Sounds like your husband is a real piece of work. If he doesn't want to seek help with you I would call it quits... Seems like he has really made life hard on you and your son.
2007-03-04 17:30:45 · answer #1 · answered by chattychica04 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh honey...I feel so bad for you. Based on what you have said here it sounds to me like you might be better off without him. You have to do what is best for your son and yourself. Your husband obviously does not respect you or your marriage if he is having an affair and not taking responsibility for it. And do you want your son in the car with a man who lost his job as a police officer due to a DUI? As a cop he must have seen what can happen when people drive drunk, and yet did it anyway.
I admire your desire to try and work it out for the sake of your son, but it will be better for him to have a happy mama than an miserable one, and your marriage is making you miserable. Look to your support system: friends, family, maybe church, and make the break you need to for your mental health. I am not a fan of divorce, but abuse takes many forms and I think you are a victim. Good luck and hang in there.
2007-03-05 01:40:08 · answer #2 · answered by n2mama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sweetheart you are still young and you and your son deserve better. That is too much drama for a 2 yr marriage obviously it is not going to get better you have to ask yourself if you ever truly think you will be able to forgive him. If there is any doubt you need to leave. Find help from friends and family. You need to do what is best for your baby boy he needs you and looks up to you stay strong. Do not give up, life is hard but it will get better I promise I have had it tough too and I feel depressed alot lately also and I have 2 girls, 6 and 18mths our children need us and along the way we will realize how much we actually needed them. Your husband sounds like he is on some kind of destructive path, cheating, losing his job because of a DUI that is big time take some time away and see what happens. You should not have to be away from your baby because of his mistakes and I would worry about what exapmle he is setting for your boy. Good Luck and God Bless you and your baby boy if you ever need to talk e-mail me I feel for you. Remember, it will get better!
2007-03-05 01:37:37 · answer #3 · answered by Dawnie 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has many problems. Then he tries to blame his infidelity on you instead of seeing he was totally at fault. What he did was a deal breaker. Get yourself some counseling so you can sort things out for yourself.Then RUN don't walk, to your lawyers office so you can get this loser out of your life. Don't waste anymore time with him. He's caused you enough problems. Right now you can't think clearly.You are confused. Something like this knocks your self esteem right down. What he did wasn't your fault .He cheated..He made the choice to do that. Don't let him lay the blame for his stupidity on you.
2007-03-05 01:37:47 · answer #4 · answered by chicklette0008 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you both need to to seek marrige consling and personel as well it wouldn't ddo your son any good to have you in bad shape again and you don't want that either. maybe you and yor husband will end up getting a divorce anyway in the end but your boy knows something isn't right they can tell evenat a early age the loud voices during fights and your demeanor in general will add to it hes better of having to seperate parents that are in good spirits and stable than the way things are now. i know i've been there
2007-03-05 01:35:00 · answer #5 · answered by alice k 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i dont really know what to say about the problems with your husband, i always have said if my fiancee cheats on me , its over. what im here to talk about it where you said you dont want your baby growing up in a broken home. i grew up without a father, i saw him on the weekends but thats it. he left when i was 6 months old, allthough it was hard at times growing up without him in the same household, id rather it be the way it was. id rather see him on the weekends and my mom the whole week then sit and grow up in a household of arguing. i wish you the best of luck and may everything work out the way it should. just stay strong darling.
2007-03-05 01:35:29 · answer #6 · answered by sarah s 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Gal, I hate to say it, but this relationship appears doomed.......not because of the affair, people have affairs, but after 2 years?
You sound squared away, and you'll find someone else. Yor son will adjust. Better now than later.
2007-03-05 01:32:49 · answer #7 · answered by mantle two 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first if you love your husband, you can try counseling, parish priest or pastor, someone to act as a mediary for the both of you,
Is he physically harmful to you or the child? Is he still having this affair, does he still need work? who was the restraining order on, you or him, IS he enrolled in any aa programs or anything like that? i wish i could help you, i stayed with an alcoholic wife for 5 years after i caught her with another man, but eventually i had to leave her and i got custody of our child, you can email me if youd like
2007-03-05 02:20:22 · answer #8 · answered by sofmatty 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Counseling! It is likely the only way to resolve your anger issues and his guilt. It may not help you stay together, but it will help you make the decisions that are right for you and your son. And if your husband is willing to full heartedly try, it may save your marriage. Good Luck~
2007-03-05 01:31:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You two need a serious talking about your both future as well as your sons future....Just ask him what is the mistake i have done for u to take a drastic step like this...Just ask did he ever this of his son before going forward...and tell him that his son needs us more than each other...If you have to save this relation you have to a drastic step and have a serious talking with him..
2007-03-05 01:33:40 · answer #10 · answered by Shilpa B 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋