I am this relationship with this man. He cares a lot for me and visceversa. We are inlove. And everything works beautifully excepta that he says he would never have kids. I told him i would like to have kids. I don't know what to do. Should i leave him? I do not want to be pushy about that issue.
2007-03-04 16:36:27 · 27 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I am 32, he is 42. And, he is a child psychologist. Yes, i am not kidding.
2007-03-04 16:43:12 · update #1
It's very interesting that he is a child psychologist but does not wanr kids. Has he ever told you why? I think if he really loves you he should be at least willing to consider it, if he knows it is important to you. It seems selfish on his part, to me.
Wait for the right situation - the right time. Then discuss this subject with him. Not a confrontation or threat though. You act confused (probably are) why he doesn't want kids and you need his assistance to help you understand. Also discuss how important having kids is to you. Perhaps say something like "I love you sooooo much! I hope this isn't going to be a deal-breaker. There must be a way we can work this out!"
Explore all avenues before bailing. I don't think it's just a matter of "dunp him" when you're in love. It's much more complicated than that. I do agree, however, that if you two are unable to reach an understanding, you will need to break off the relationship with him. If he's that inflexible then there will be other subjects that will cause conflict also. Relationships involve comprimise, and CHANGE.
2007-03-04 17:20:05 · answer #1 · answered by jimmyjohn 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I would wait and see if You change Your mind. If you're not ready to be pushy about it yet, you may not be certain what you think either. Babysit a few times and see if you still feel the same about it. Kids are alot harder to raise that it seems like. Just because you give birth to them and do everything in your power to raise them correctly doesn't necessarily mean that they will turn out okay. If you aren't prepared for the possibility that they may be born with an emotional disorder it may throw you for a loop. I love all four of my kids, and three of them are the sweetest little angels on the planet, but one of them is a beautiful little tyrant. If I had it to do over again I still would, but I wish she had come with a warning label! lol.
2007-03-05 00:47:55 · answer #2 · answered by Lesley M 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Yes, people change over time. Depending how old you both are, what his previous history involves, what his family life was like, his current preference on kids could change dramatically.
I also felt like that in my early 20's, but I know have two wonderful teenage sons (really, young men) and I couldn't be prouder of them.
I would suggest you openly communicate with him (obviously, in a non-threatening manner) and see where it goes over time. No, I don't think you should leave him if everything else in the relationship is as good as you say it is.
Best to you.
2007-03-05 00:39:49 · answer #3 · answered by Timothy W 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
My cousin was in this same predicament and he didnt want kids either. He was adamantly against it. Guess what happened? A couple years down the road he changed his mind and now they have a baby. If you really love this guy and are willing to stick it out things might change...even if he says no now. But then again he might not change his mind. If you really want kids either you sacrifice not having kids for his sake or you move on or wait for him to come back if he ever changes his mind. Sometimes people have to make sacrifices for the signifigant other. Either you leave him or you go along with not wanting to have kids to be with him...Or wait and see if he changes his mind, Good Luck.
2007-03-05 00:45:57 · answer #4 · answered by heartofgold 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I met my husband when I was 21, and he was 23. We became good friends about four years later, and made a few attempts at dating that just didn't work (we lived far apart, and we were just in different places in our lives) before finally clicking permanently when I was 28 and he was 30. One of the big roadblocks for us was that I wanted children and he didn't, and neither of us was willing, earlier to give in on that issue. Somewhere in his late 20s or early 30s, he changed his mind.
It is possible, but it's not something I would depend on. If the man who eventually became my husband hadn't changed his position on the children issue, I wouldn't have married him...it was something I couldn't negotiate on. You have to work out for yourself which you could live without in the long run-children, or this man. You may have to give one up to have the other.
2007-03-05 01:40:16 · answer #5 · answered by Erika G 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is one of those things that can decide the direction of a relationship. He doesn't want kids and you do. Do NOT think that once you marry him, he will change his mind. He won't. And don't think he will change his mind once he holds his own offspring. No, it doesn't work that way.
Can you live w/o having children of your own?
Yes? Then say in this relationship and be grateful for what you do have.
No? Move on, and find a man who does want to have children.
2007-03-05 01:12:32 · answer #6 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People do change. I always wanted kids, just never with the person i was with. I ended up having kids with the wrong woman, but my children have to be by far the best things that have ever happened to me. I was 36 when I became a dad, and i think it has made the experience more gratifying. I appreciate the little things. This man heals children, but doesn't want them? How can a person raise tomatoes, yet not like tomatoes. Tomatoe farmers who like tomatoes, raise better tomatoes in my opinion
2007-03-05 00:52:35 · answer #7 · answered by ckgene 4 · 0⤊ 2⤋
This is something that absolutely must be settled before the relationship gets any more serious. No matter what, do not think that he'll just come around or change on this issue. Many of us are dedicated to childfree lifestyles, and we are not about to change.
Please address this as a very serious matter, for the sake of every person involved (including any kids you might have without his wanting to).
2007-03-05 00:44:04 · answer #8 · answered by fromorto12 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If having kids is important to you, you need to find another guy. This is a huge issue, not like if the toilet paper goes over or under. He probably feels this way for a good reason, and would you really want the father of your children to not be 100% excited about it? Good luck.
2007-03-05 00:38:53 · answer #9 · answered by n2mama 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Yes, I believe that people change. But I also believe NEVER to enter a relationship with that idea in mind. That's a large problem today, that couples feel it will all work out, once the other person changes...Rather than accepting the person for who they are.
2007-03-05 00:45:33 · answer #10 · answered by iyamacog 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋