I will never choose a woman over my daughters...why does she get so jealous?

Question

I'm dating a Woman that gets upset every time that I talk on the phone, or verbalize the the idea that I miss I my daughters.
She feels that I spend more time thinking about them than her.
I cook, shop, clean, and do more than that.
Will this change with time? We're both 38, been married once before each, and I feel it's time to grow up.
Any thoughts?
Thanks

I Should Add That I Waited 2 Years To Date, And That I Waited 7 Months To Introduce Them...

Yes My Girlies Are Young...11 and 8.

SEEMS THAT THERE IS A JEALOUS WOMAN GIVING A BUNCH OF THUMBS DOWN ON QUESTION!!! GO PLAY SOMEWHERE ELSE!!!

Answer 1

No, if this women can't understand that your daughters will always come first, then she's selfish and insecure. I'm assuming she doesn't have any children or she would understand. You need to find a women that accepts the fact that your daughters come first, and that she is important in a different way in your life.

I'd get rid of this women, seems jealous, insecure, selfish and immature. She definitely needs to grow up.

Answer 2

Jealousy of this type is a clear demonstration of insecurity. For some reason or reasons - none of which you can control - she needs you 100% of the time or she feels uneasy and anxious. Nothing you can do (shop, clean, cook, etc.) will have any effect on her behavior, so don't think that by doing more she will be less jealous.

I would bet that she might not even be aware of why she is so insecure about her relationship with you. Sit down with her and spend some real time trying to help her find out what it is all about. At first, she will probably be critical. Just use active listening ("So, you feel that when I'm talking to my daughter I'm ignoring you, right?). Don't be defensive - just listen and tell her what you are hearing. As she relaxes and sees that you are not going to fight her, she may resolve this situation herself.

If that doesn't work, suggest counseling and go with her if she wants you to. Tell her that you are with her all the way and that your only interest is her happiness. She needs to hear that from you if you ever hope to get her the help she needs. Be firm about this. Tell her that you can't spend the rest of your life proving your allegiance to someone that won't ever believe you and that you have two daughters - fact of life - and she needs to accept that reality without coming unglued everytime you talk with or to them.

Worst case scenario - she won't budge. Be ready to end it. She must accept your daughters or she can't accept you.

Answer 3

Yes, get out of this relationship if you don't want friction with your daughters behind this female. Its natural for females to be jealous of each other, but you shouldn't ever be in a position to choose between your daughters and another woman. If the other woman tends to put up with them until a deep relationship and then shows their true feelings, you still let go because this will never change. Your kids will always be their for you and love you where this woman can always be replaced.

Answer 4

Here's the real dilemma....you love your daughters, first off and foremost; BUT how old are they? Should you, ARE you allowed to have your own life????? What happens when they turn 18 and move out or move on to college? Don't you have the right to have your life still there and moving too? It's a quandary we all find ourselves in.....Your girlfriend, doesn't have kids....obviously....ummm......ummm...It's not that she's not "grown" up; it's that she hasn't lived your life; she knows not of the love one has for their children....can you teach her, probably not; should you stay.....ummm...hard to say, I wouldn't, but I'm not you.....where there are kids, there are son in laws and grandchildren.....ummm



Oh, they are young, better yet; she has time to get to know them and for them to befriend her.....although you sound like a jerk, ooops sorry, but you do; are you sure EVERYONE is jealous of any relationship you have or is that your fantasy????? Don't be so arrogant!

Answer 5

Of course your children come first as they should. My boyfriend expresses his feelings regarding missing his children and I think it is refreshing that he does. But he doesn't talk about them every minute. Is this the only conversation you have with her? Maybe it is not so much that she is jealous of your children, but rather wants to be recognized as well. And that is perfectly acceptable. Are you spending all your time talking about this or is it any mention at all and she gets upset? I have two children, and I know I have to monitor what I say at times, because I noticed that when I talk to people I would only talk about my kids and decided that might be kind of obnoxious. I still talk about them to others, I just make sure I am able to talk about other topics as well.

Answer 6

Red flag, man. And I think you already know this. They are your flesh and blood, and if you spend more time thinking about them than you spend thinking about her, so be it. She should be impressed by a man that put his children first. Any woman who is jealous of a man's children will likely make a terrible stepmother. The potential for lasting damage to your daughters is huge. Therefore, you need to call it quits sooner rather than later.

Answer 7

It is time for her to grow up some and time for you to decide if you are really ready to be dating. she should not be so jealous but you should not spend so much time concerned with your girls when you are out with her. I understand how you feel about putting your girls first so perhaps you should wait until the girls are older and more on their own before you take on a relationship. It is only fair, no woman wants to compete with your kids becasue in the end she knows she will loose and that is not attractive.

Answer 8

Children come first, if she has a problem with that then she/you need to move on. Your daughters should never have to feel like they are inconveniencing you or your significant other. I have a son, and my fiancee knew when he came into the picture that if it came down to choosing between them he would be out the door. I love him, but my son is my everything and needs me.

Answer 9

Good for you for putting your children first and being the type of man that will openly discuss that he misses them.
She sounds like a needy type of woman I would not allow myself to be too attached to her as she will probably only be happy once she feels like she has prime position in your life, leaving your daughters in second place.

Answer 10

I think you know that its just wrong for her to be jealous of your children. She must be very high maintanence. You would be happier with a woman who expects you to think of your children first. She is always going to have issues with your attention. She will be jealous of the fact when you go to bathroom, you lock the door. She will then become bitter of your daughters. See yourself being with someone who despises your kids?