how to stop needing?

Question

Hi i asked a question heere a few days ago and got some real good answers and i asked this question on another section of this site earlier but since the people here were so helpfulto me the other day, i wanted to ask it here to. its somethign i really want a answer to please.

I'm in a foster home right now and they aren't mean to me but they said they don't want to know anything about what happend before I started staying with them. I tried to talk to my school councelr before but he won't take any time to talk to me and my social worker is too busy. i stopped talking four days ago and no one even noticed that i haven't said a single word. I'm used to being ignored, but it still makes me sad everytime it happens again. When will I stop being sad about it and is there any way to stop ? I'm tired of being such a little kid and needing people. Will i grow out of it?? When i get more mature will it be easier to want to keep to myself? I just want to know that it wont last forever.

Answer 1

Feel free to email me.

I'm so sorry to hear that your foster parents aren't willing to be parents. (They are ripping off you and the tax payers, aren't they?)

My parents were foster parents and they put in many an hour listening to and holding my foster sister as she went over what happened to her in her life.

All people need people. Ever hear that song, "People who need people/are the luckiest people in the world." Because when you know you need people, it means your heart is still alive and open.

The trick is understanding that just because some people aren't capable of giving you what you need does not mean you don't deserve to have what you need.

Being more mature will not mean you stop sharing with others, although you will be more choosy about whom you tell, so as to not get rejected when you are opening up. However, you went to the right people - they should have talked to you.

So, you should say to your foster parents that you need to have a therapist so you can have someone to talk to. It might even be covered through medicaid. Or, go to the school principal and tell him/her that you can't get the counselor to take the time to talk to you and you'd like a suggestion on what to do about that. Ask the counseling office if a group for kids in foster care could be started.

One thing I always noticed about my foster sister is that she never gives up asking people for what she needs. It's simply a fact of her life that she has to, because the natural support system isn't there for her. She was gypped out of her birthright, like you. And yet, what choice does she have?

In the meantime, keep a journal and record your thoughts there. Keep looking for opportunities to connect with someone you trust - and at the same time be aware that predators are on the lookout for young boys who need connections and attachments.

Ask your foster parents to sign you up for a big brother.

Try to give yourself the care and tenderness you were robbed of. Plan for your future. It looks like your foster parents can't give you want you want, but if they are giving you the basic shelter/food/clothing/safe place, then use the time, respite, and good environment to choose goals for yourself.

Think about jobs you might want to do one day and see if you can volunteer now with someone doing such jobs. Learn in a practical, logical, step by step way what people need to do to get from being a teen who dreams of doing something to an adult doing it. It can seem really mysterious if you don't come from a professional or caring family.

As you discover what interests you and you start exploring it, you will meet more people to share with.

Remember, it is immature people who don't face their feelings, who don't admit their sadness and disappointments, who cope with the pain of rejection by refusing to share again.

You will grow out of being a little kid :) but no human grows out of needing others.

Answer 2

Wow. Anytime you wanna talk, just send me an e-mail. That's such a bummer man. I think everyone would notice if I stopped talking.... well, actually, I have tried that and within just a few minutes everyone started freaking out. I'm so sorry. Really. E-mail me.

You shouldn't be quiet for the rest of your life! That's crazy! And yeah. You should feel sad that no one notices you. You will always need some one. And sometime in the future, some one will always need you too. Stay a kid for as long as you can. By the time I was 12 I had my entire life planned out. Yep. I could tell you what colleges I was gonna go to, where I was gonna live, how many kids I was gonna have, heck! Even the names of the kids. But now, a few years later, I've givin all that up, and am living at my age. And it rocks! Be a kid. Cuz once you hit a job, wow. You'll hate it. And by the way -- you sound super mature already.

Good Luck :)

Answer 3

Everybody needs people. The people in your foster home might find it easier to relate to you without knowing about your past - and that is actually a good thing! School counselors can be helpful but you just got a rude one, sorry! Social workers are a logical choice, but then sometimes they're doing their best just to keep the up with their work and serious listening really does take some time!
I totally understand the whole thing about stopping talking and feeling ignored. I do this myself. It never ceases to amaze me that if I don't say anything for days on end, it is hardly noticed. It makes me sad too. You will stop being sad about it when you have a good friend or girl friend, which will come in time.
One thing that helps is to find a person (in your class or in another class at school) who likes to talk and is looking for someone who likes to listen. You want to talk but listening is a good way to get to know someone.
It won't last forever. Always join things, look for things that you can have in common with other people and you have a better chance of making a good friend or even several. Get involved in sports just so you can be part of a team. If you can't do sports, join a club at school and be a real contributor there.
Good luck! What you feel is what a lot of kids feel. And adults!

Answer 4

Oh Sweetie, I was so sad when I read what you wrote! I am so sorry that you've been let down - first by whatever happened that landed you in foster care, and now by your new support system.

The person who answered first gave some GREAT ideas, and I don't know that I can add anything, other than to say keep looking. Don't give up - you'll find friends that care about you. Just don't give them details at first - make friends on common grounds - and you'd be surprised at how even surface contacts like this will help fill that void you feel. As the friendships deepen the void will be more filled, and in time you might be able to share some of the things you want to talk about now.

I'm so sorry that no one noticed that you stopped talking. I know that that must make you feel like no one cares, and that's a terrible feeling.

We all go through seasons of our lives that we don't care for, and it helps to remember that nothing is permanent - no situation lasts forever.

One thing that the first person who answered did not mention is church - have you tried attending church? Maybe you could ask your foster parents if you could go, and if they won't take you, look in the phone book and find a church that has buses or vans to pick kids up. Church youth workers might have more time to invest in you, and they WILL care about you. Remember that you can always talk to God - He is listening and really loves you and wants to hear from you.

Answer 5

No, you don't grow out of needing people...well, maybe you can, but that's usually when you turn cold and think you don't need anyone, but you know you do, but you just push that to the back of your head. Maybe you just need someone right now because you've never had anyone before...like at school no one's really noticed you haven't said a single word. No one likes being ignored, but yeah, you do get used to it. I got used to it too..people ignoring me at school (and still do), and it's almost saddening. Maybe you will grow out of needing people, but it's also normal, I guess to need someone...to kind of keep you sane. It's kind of weird. Sometimes when I feel really bad, I cut myself off from everyone else, and I like how I can think but then at the same time I want someone next to me and tell me that it's okay. But yeah. No this won't last forever. I think when you get older, you start to realize that there are people that depend on you and you can't let your emotions and feelings get in the way of things. I guess. I don't know. But it's not only little kids that need people. I think if people didn't need each other, no one would be getting married. =P But don't worry, cheer up. Things do get better! If you do still really need to and want to talk there is always the Kids Help Phone, which is confidential and you can message me. =D

Answer 6

I understand how you feel. There are many times I wonder if I were to just stop talking or stop going to see people how long would it take before they noticed. Many times I think they might like it, because then they don't have to be bothered with me. I'm sorry to say this but you will NEVER stop needing people, but the good news is one day you will find someone that needs you just as much as you need them. So hang in there and things will get better. And don't ever lose your willingness to open up and talk to people, even if your foster parents aren't willing to listen to your past hurts and heartaches someone will. As I mentioned in my answer to one of your previous questions you can email me if you wish. Simply click on my avatar and then click on email Dustin. Hope to hear from you.

Answer 7

My husband and I are foster parents and my heart goes out to you. There should be someone for you to talk to, as that is a large part of the role of foster parent. I am so sorry that your foster parents are not meeting your needs.

I know when children are first placed in our home, part of my job is to keep my eyes and ears open for any signs of neglect or abuse that may not already have come to the attention of the authorities. It's my job to listen to a child tell me about what has happened to them. If I have concerns I report them to the Social Worker assigned to the child.

Please, continue to seek the support and help from your Social Worker, that is what he/she is there for. You should also be entitled to any therapy or counselling that you need. Don't stop requesting it. Is there any way that you could ask a teacher to contact your Social Worker for you? Sometimes they listen to an adult more than a child.

I am concerned that no one has noticed that you have stopped talking. That is neglect, and is so terribly sad.

I grew up in a "normal" home, but my own mother would go for weeks without speaking to me, so I know how it feels, and you have my sympathy, my dear.

Good Luck, you will be in my thoughts and prayers tonight.

God Bless. Sleep tonight knowing that there is a family in Canada thinking of you and wishing you well.

Answer 8

My heart reaches out to you, the heart of a mother who was once a lonely child. I am so sorry your counselor and foster parents are so insensitive, honey. None of us ever outgrows the need to be heard and validated. Don't beat up on yourself for what is a part of being human. For now, I would like you to read a great book called What Happy People Know my Dan Brown. It's yellow and holds some great keys. I urge you to get involved with a good youth group directed by a caring pastor who loves the kids and will listen at length to your story. You have a lot to say and a lot to offer. This solitary time in your life will not break you; it will make you.......a wonderful, caring father in time to come. Wait and see! You might also want to keep a journal. You may become a counselor yourself, one who will listen with your heart to the sad voice of some young person searching as you are now. Life isn't fair, and you have suffered, but it's still beautiful and full of possibility. Stay involved in school; do well in your classes. Your teachers will be complimented and willing to talk. How about sports? Some coaches make great father figures. You are obviously very bright and anyone worth knowing would love to have a conversation with you. Lighten up and stop worrying. The future will solve itself, and you will meet many people along the way eager to tell their stories and happy to listen to your own. Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge Him, and He shall direct thy paths. You are a total success story just waiting to be written. Keep the faith, kid, it's going to be alright, you hear me now? Much love to you, and I wish I could hug you in person. You so richly deserve all the blessings coming your way. Look up and reach for the stars!

Answer 9

You can email me I will make time, but also look online for numbers to places that offer support and a listening ear, I can't think of the name right now. But, its for children like you that have been through a lot. Also try this website, dailystrength.org its a support group please check it out it should really help you. There's no negativity on there just people like you, I'm on there jlds06 if you need someone to talk to just look into that. I know how it feels to be ignored trust me. Good luck sweetheart.

Answer 10

I'm so sorry that you fell like you are being ignored.

You probably feel like you need people so much because there is no one in your life that is giving you the time and attention you deserve. You have no one to talk to, to unburden yourself to. No one who understands.

I don't generally accept incoming mail from Yahoo Answers, but I will make an exception, email me at [e-mail]. I am a mom of 8 children, and it bothers me when my children feel sad and lonely. I try to make them laugh or get them to talk about what is on their minds.

If you would ever like someone to talk to email me at my yahoo address. I will put you in my address book, so your mail will get through.

There are people who care, who don't want you to believe you have to live your life in silence. There are people who will listen. Email me whenever you feel like talking to someone.

Just be patient. As you get older, circumstances often turn around.

Everyone gave great answers.

Hopefully this will happen for you.
Please feel better.
Hope this helps.