How do I handle my in-laws??

Question

I'm staying with my in-laws (father and mother) for 3 weeks while my husbands in CA training for a new job. I have a 10 week old that I have never been away from, and though it's probably a combination of hormones and lack of sleep and missing my husband, I feel really protective of my son. My in-laws are wonderful don't get me wrong, but they're also really grabby with him, and don't ever hand him over when he starts screaming they just fumble with him thinking they can fix it. I think he just wants me sometimes or needs to eat (i breastfeed) or be changed. Today he started crying and I went to get him from my father in law and he said no lets give him to grandma!!! And she has a habit of calling herself "mamma" to him which I've tried to correct and she says it's just a mistake?????? Anyways I don't want to hurt feelings or make it uncomfortable here but, how do I let them know I'm a first time protective mom who wants to bond with her still very young son, without them getting upset

Answer 1

the fact that your getting upset is proof that you have bonded with him, remember you don't have to go running to him every time he cries as much as we all want to, by the sounds of things you live far away from your in laws so they proberly want to spend as much time with him as possible before you leave and they proberly think they are helping by giving you a bit of a break

Answer 2

Awww... this is hormones talking. Take a deep breath... think about how very fortunate your baby is to have grandparents who are willing to participate in his life... and next time say, "Well, it's lunchtime for this little guy! I'd better take him so I can feed him!"... or "That's fine, but grandma doesn't have what he's crying for!!" Grandpa surely can't argue with that!

Now take another deep breath... it's a VERY temporary situation... they're probably remembering back to the days when they had little ones in the house... and G-pa's natural reaction then was to hand them to G-ma... NO ONE is your son's mamma but you. Grandparents do run a very close second place, though.

Answer 3

I can understand how you feel and that it may appear like they are very grabby and are trying to keep him away from you at times. Why don't you try going to a mall for a few hours each day with your baby, just the 2 of you? That will give you some time away from the in-laws. Also, have you spoken with your husband about how you feel? Would it help if he mentioned something to his parents instead of you?

Answer 4

Speaking as a first time mom with grabby inlaws and a grabby mother. Let them help. It's very hard to let someone else "do your job" but for your own sanity, give them a few minutes to try to fix it. If it doesn't work after a few minutes, then try to nurse. I know with me, I was afraid they would consider my son a brat if he cried so I tortured myself and I ended up holding him ALL THE TIME just to keep him quiet. As for the "momma" thing, when you talk to your son use regular words like," Do you want to go sit with Grandma?" (Or nana or Nona or whatever name she wants to be called.) Also help her try to pick out a cute name for herself. Kids will eventually come up with their one names for grandparents. My mom wanted to be called Grandmomma and my neice came up with Mema. Maybe if she picks out a cute name that she would like to be called, she'll start trying to drill that into your son's head. My mom still slips up every once in a while with the whole "momma" thing but she's getting better. (She's very old and I think she may be going senile LOL) My Father in law asked me several times, "Katy Grandma is just trying to help." Of course, my defense was "I made him its my responsibility to take care of him." Then he explained to me that I was doing a good job and that they were trying to help me out. Let them try to fix it. The worst that can happen is that your son will learn that he has other people to count on. There's nothing wrong with that.
The fact that you are so worried about this proves that you're doing what every other GOOD mother in the world should be doing. He's your kid and you're trying to take care of him. But calm down, let them help. It will help you out in the long run. When your son gets old enough, he'll know that if you decide to leave him with your in-laws that he will be taken care of until you get back. Give them a few minutes to try and fix it and then take over. Sometimes babies just need to get used to other people. But once he does, he'll be fine. And I wouldn't worry about them getting upset. He is your child...you make the rules. Even if it is their house. They will look back on it one day and realize that you were doing what was best for your son at the time. I doubt they will stay mad for very long. Kids have a way of mending certain bridges. Good luck to you.

Answer 5

It might be a good time to take advantage of some much needed rest since the inlaws want to help. I do understand about them wanting to do everything for baby, because my parents don't get to see my kids much. Last time I visited, my baby was hungry & I told my mom casually, she wants her bottle. Well my mom said ok, but 5 mnts later she was still bouncing her & trying to sooth her. So I repeated my statement & told her the bottle was ready.
Again, she didn't.(She wasn't being mean, she just gets easily distracted, wanting to play w/baby) FINALLY I said Mom, she wants her bottle, now! I firmly set the bottle in front of her & she took the hint. Also w/ my 1st baby, mom stuck a bottle in her mouth when I told her I needed to nurse her. I was upset, but didn't want to hurt her feelings. So now I take control, because I,m the mom & I know what my baby wants. You just need to tell them, he's cranky, he wants his momma, & his momma wants him. As for grandma calling herself mamma, say, I think _____
fits you better" Give a few suggested names you prefer. I promise, as much as you love that bundle of joy, eventually you'll be greatful for a few moment to yourself. I'd love a little "me" time! Wait' maybe that's 'cause I have 4 kids! Ha! Sorry so long,but hope this helps.

Answer 6

It is a little strange she says to the baby mamma. It seems like they are just helping out, but if you can try to get your space, I know I would want plenty. Try to get out of the house or maybe go for a walk.

Answer 7

His GP are just trying to help out, but it's gotten out of control. They are loving but usurping your routine with your son. It can cause issues later when you try to get him to nap, etc.

Be firm but gentle and explain how important it is for you to set the rules. Be reasonable and allow certain times of the day for them to dote on their grandson, perhaps after his afternoon nap.

Answer 8

it's normal to be protective........after all you just had him. when he says no lets give him to grandma tell him no give me my son. he is most comfortable laying on your chest. he's used to hearing your heartbeat and he is still able to hear it laying on your chect and its comforting to him. make sure you keep correcting your mother in law until she stops doing it. bottom line is he's YOUR son. you need your time with him and they need to understand that. if they get upset and get an attitude, just make sure to remind them of how THEY felt when THEIR son was born.

Answer 9

Wow,you are so lucky.

Your mom in laws help can be a wonderful thing.

Devour and enjoy :)