why do old people have to leave their homes despite the love they give to their children ?

Answer 1

Your question is so relevant, especially in "these" times, & has so many aspects to it, but I'll try to be concise. Sometimes, an elderly person requires professional care that children can't provide, (even if they wished). Some seniors do not WANT to be dependent on their children. But, sadly, I think, (depending on the needs of the senior), the "children" simply don't want to be bothered. Families "used" to be little communities where it would never even be considered to send a parent off to a home. & truth be told, with nursing services, the "children" could accommodate the parent in their home, if expenses allowed it, & if they cared. It is so complex. I was saddened by the answer of dirtyoldm~who is aboslutely correct. I'm only 34, but have (had) a long time friend many years my senior. He was diagnosed with early alzheimers (later discovered to be neurological) & the power of attgorney he'd chosen many, many years back, has been the most sadistic, controlling & felonious person I've ever known. She has shuffled him from one place to another, & taken away all his personal things that he loved, besides denying his FRIENDS access to visit him. We're all working on this, because it's not only emotional abuse, but misuse of his money. To be at the "mercy" of someone you don't trust must be one of the worst things that can happen. If one has their OWN money, & is competent enough to be aware of what's going on, that's one thing. But the stress this power of attorney created, caused THREE strokes, & he's now incapable of fighting for himself. I would advise anyone, of any age, to have a living TRUST, & an attorney; there is also the opition of a court appointed conservator who has no "axe" to grind. But, once you've passed the line of competency, unless your friends are your advocates, there is nothing you can do. I'm sorry I went on so much, but this has been painful for me--& NEVER EXPECT YOUR CHILDREN TO BE COMPASSIONATE. They easily forget what you've done for them. Take responsibility--if you can--when you can.

Edit: Sorry, I don't understand suheee120's "meddling behaviour"

Answer 2

You think the children should step up to the plate and provide more $ etc so that the parents don't have to give up their homes and go to nursing homes? Children have a life of their own and I never want to be a burden to my children. I do live with my youngest daughter due to a disability....however, I pay rent, and help out in any way that I can to maintain my independence and pride.

Answer 3

The old people have failed on three fronts.

First and foremost, they ought to have made sufficient savings for themselves to survive without their children's support.

The second, we have had a tradition in which, once a person( male member of the family) reaches the age of fifty, he begins plans to entrust his duties and powers to an elder son or the eldest surviving brother, and eventually leaves the home on a learning and pilgrimage trip. During this period , his wife accompanies him and they learn to adopt the wider world as their family.They teach to others whatever they know and learn from others new skills and knowledge, including spiritual matters. Even those who cannot afford to go on such long trips accept a local spiritual guide as their Guru and slowly withdraw from mundane matters and progressively move towards spiritual advancement,rendering service at the religious shrines, helping with teaching and learning at the local ashram ,etc.These institutionalised arrangements have been neglected because of the greed of men to continue in command of whatever they have built up or amassed and the result is that the sons don't have any more respect for the fathers and the mothers are considered as enemies by their daughters in law, leading to constant friction and eventual shifting out of the parents.The bad example set by the fathers are repeated by the sons also even though they themselves have had a taste of the ill effects of those practices.

The third fault of the elders is that most of them stop the learning habit which is the surest means for staying ever young in the mind. If they learn new skills before they reach fifty, they will be able to earn a supplementary income, when the pensions or savings of the working life are not enough to pull on in the current circumstances.Once the younger members are aware that the elders are sure to leave the homes in search of spiritual peace, they will stop scheming for the exit of the elders and atmosphere at home would become more pleasant. The fact that the elders will not be dependent on them once they leave the home will keep the children also free of guilt feelings

There is a strong need to revive this age old practice and restore our society to sanity.In fact, in view of the increasing longevity of Indian population, the exit age may be made sixty years and the planning process should be starting at fiftyfive.

If this is launched in a large scale right now, the problem of nonavailability of teachers ,doctors and other professionals in the rural areas will come to an end very soon. All that the elders would need will be a reasonable shelter and assurane of food and clothing. These needs will also be shrinking as age advances and the dress code changes in favour of the traditional saffron for the elders.Medical care will no more be a problem as the retired doctors who settle down in the villages will be now offering affordable medical attention at the same localities .Government will only need to provide the basic infrastructure at the public Health facilities.Group Insurane schemes can also be introduced at this stage in a massive scale.

Answer 4

If everything is well planned like it should be, then there should be no problem.

Problem appear when nothing is planned by parents as well as kids and the things are left to the eleventh hour hoping for the best.

There is also a lack of public and private social assistance programs for the elderly when thy do need extra care sometime, during the latter part of their life. It would be nice to to know what the statistics are. It's not true that verybody runs into a problem. A good number are taken good care of, as long as they are staying relatively healthy - sometime by their own choice too.

Answer 5

Maybe the love the parents bestow on the children in pure and good, but the love the children have for the parents is selfish and shallow. They loved their parents only as long as they needed them and when they became independent and started earning, and the parents needed their help and love, they find that it is difficult to give, their love is shallow, or not at all.

Answer 6

There are several answers to this question, actually...

Their medical needs demand medical staff/attention at all times.

Said children can't/won't/don't make time in their lives to care for their aging parents that just can't do it alone anymore.

They choose to put themselves in a setting where they know they will be cared for without obliging their children with these duties. They dedicate their lives to raising their children so they can take care of their own families someday. When that duty is done, they do not want their children to take time away from their families to care for them. They feel like a burden, and that's such a downfall to their self-esteem and self-worth.

They do not want their children to see how weak and frail their one-time provider, leader, and teacher has become.

I've seen this first-hand. My mother died at home with a brain tumor, with only me and my father tending to her. My three brothers were in the can't/won't/don't category. Less than a year after going through this with her, Dad admitted himself into a Veteran's home so he wouldn't "be a burden to you kids...you have your own lives to live. I'll be okay, don't worry."

He died of cancer seven years later.


Blessings

Answer 7

because the children of today are the most self centered, selfish, narcissistic and absorbed generation in modern history.

traditionally, up until probably the second world war...the household was multi generational. grandparents lived with son or daughter along with their children.

with the baby boomer generation, the entire ME generation exploded. self gratification, self glorification and self promotion all contributed to the current concept of what independence is.

look at kids nowadays...they all expect to have a gameboy, psp, cell phone, ps3, latest computer with high speed connection et etc etc. the parents want to give all these spoiled brats what they want. this creates a profoundly selfish adult with no sense of worth. for themselves and for material things.

the last laugh is always on the parents and kids though. the parents have created a monster that is so spoiled that no one can contain them. the kids grow up to find out that the world doesnt care about their feelings and that making money is really really tough!!!

i will never have kids. i am going to spend all my money that i make on myself! whether traveling the world or having someone wipe my ***. i will joyfully take care of my aging parents in their own home as long as possible and then into my home when they become less capable. when i get old, i will spend every last cent on my own personal care!

i feel really sorry for todays kids as they are brought up to think that they are special, unique and capable of anything. they will have to find out the hard way that 99.999% of them will grow up to be much of nothing.

Answer 8

A lot of the time it comes down to the very fact that these children you have mentioned here do not feel in the least bit responsible for the care OF their parents when the time comes and they are in need of help !!
A vast majority of people these days see the elderly as an incumberance on their own life ---attention to them is seen as "wasted" effort -- for it is time that they can't be at ---all the ever so important things that they WANT to be doing !!
So, they, put them in "care " facilities--- visit them rarely if ever--- and see THAT as "tending to" their parents !! Without even the slightest hint of guilt about it at all---- they really do have themselves convinced that they are "taking care" of mom and pop !!!

Answer 9

Unfortunately, due to the change in our society we've become a nuclear family as opposed to an extended one. No longer do grandma and grandpa live with their kids. They are placed in either assisted living centers or nursing homes. Sometimes this is by their choice as they don't want to be a burden to the family. Sometimes it is by necessity, as family is unable to give the proper cares and lastly, the finally and most offal reason is some families just don't care. I was fortunate and was able to help to care for my parents until their passing in their own homes with the help of my sister and brother. We had professional help in as needed for a very limited time and my children also assisted us. I think that it set a good example as they are already fighting over who gets to live with me when I'm older. I think part of it is also based on culture/how we raise our children. Keeping our parents/grandparents in our homes and raising our children to respect them is the best way I know to start to change this situation. Good Luck.

Answer 10

It isn't always the case but I'm going take a stab at answering. If I am understanding you correctly you want to know why elderly people are sent to assisted living or nursing homes instead of staying with their family and having them care for them. Unless the family members are board and state certified doctors, practitioners, Internists, nurses, etc. they cannot possibly provide the best medical care for someone who is in need. It is NOT necessarily because the family feels they are disposable.

My husband (15 years older) and I have talked about this at great length. He wants me to promise that when he can no longer take care of himself that I put him into assisted living or nursing home care. He feels that I do not need to be strapped down caring for an invalid when I still have a lot of living still to do. He knows it will be out of LOVE that I honor his wishes, not because I do not care or want to take care of him. I personally feel that this will be the hardest decision I will ever have to make, especially if he can no longer communicate coherently. I will have to wait and see...