GOD IS HERE TO STAY
Up In the sky,
Among the clouds,
A God watching over,
And being so proud.
He will not abandon,
He shall not go,
He is always here,
Observing down below.
God made a man,
His first creation,
Then made a woman,
And people grew around the nation.
God sees all,
Even those who pray,
All the short and tall,
God is here to stay.
2007-03-04 13:39:44 · 12 answers · asked by ivory_plr 4 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
The poem is great! I love to see that people out there still have god in their heart!
2007-03-04 13:49:41 · answer #1 · answered by zyann0102 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to choose a metrical system and stick with it.
Read it aloud....does this really work for you?
God made a man,
His first creation,
Then made a woman,
And people grew around the nation.
You go 4 syllables, 5 syllables, 5 syllables, 9 syllables......and you rhyme man with woman......i have added a link to a rhyming dictionary in the references, it might help.
2007-03-04 21:51:22 · answer #2 · answered by Dan Brown 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If this is your first attempt then its OK.....You should try to understand what differentiates a prose from a poem.You have to understand the meaning of the word poetic......and then ask yourself .........how poetic this is........These group of words look like poetry - its got the form. What it lacks is the essence and beauty of poetry.
You had the motivated to write and that is the first thing....now you have read and understand some of the beautiful poems and also ,what makes them beautiful....?
Don't give up ....success comes with hardwork and you have to do a lot of hardwork to become a good poet.....
2007-03-12 15:31:20 · answer #3 · answered by biju5555 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sorry to break the bad news
I'm sure you will do better in time
Its not the subject that you use
Or even the witty way you rhyme
Work on the images you choose
2007-03-04 22:27:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Arrrg... you good lady, need some help. You're forcing rhymes, breaking scheme for no good reason, being repetitve without purpose, having no imagery to speak of... I love God, but I don't love this poem.
2007-03-04 21:47:00 · answer #5 · answered by sam_we_is 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
The subject matter is great and rings true, but as for a poem or being poetic, it was terrible.
2007-03-04 21:43:52 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think this poem is great. Keep up the good work!
2007-03-04 21:45:44 · answer #7 · answered by snowwhite 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
That wuz so bootiful that poem touched me. Keep writing those poems they're flippin awesome mannn!!!
2007-03-04 21:46:42 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I liked it very much.
2007-03-12 10:47:00 · answer #9 · answered by Mary 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its ok, needs a little more substance
2007-03-04 21:47:06 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋