I got married and she met someone and quickly got married. She had him take the ring back cuz it had to be a bigger diamond than mine. She tries to out do any vacations we take (after she finds out we are taking a vacation). We had our house remodeled she had to have hers done too. Hires same contractor and copies our plans. Copies what I have or has to out do what I have constantly. How can I get her to stop and find her own identity?
2007-03-04 12:47:39 · 11 answers · asked by pinktolips 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Other - Family & Relationships
Let her be. Once she realises that you don't notice her when she's behaving like that, she'll be forced to become herself. She's probably hiding behind a facade and is scared that you won't like her, so the only way you notice her is if she out-does you. Pay attention to smaller details and ignore the rest. You'll get closer that way too.
Best of luck
2007-03-04 12:52:56 · answer #1 · answered by AngelDelight 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your sister sounds like a very insecure person. From what you've said, she is hyper-competitive and compares herself to you constantly. That is an extremely unhappy way to live.
I sympathize with your situation. Unfortunately, you can't control what she does, only how you respond to it. Be careful with what you tell her and what you show her. You know that anything she finds out about, she will try to copy.
Sadly, it's in your best interests to keep your good news a secret from her. She can't really be happy for you, because she is so unhappy with herself. Giving her access to that information will only cause you grief.
You could actually use the fact that she copies you to try to help her. Since she imitates you in everything, the best thing you can do for her is set an example.
Be sure that you don't compare yourself to her or anyone. Don't criticize her or put her down, since this will only send her further into the depths of insecurity.
If you ever hear her comparing herself to you or anyone else, you can tell her that comparing is the root of insecurity, it is self-destructive, and it only makes you miserable. Even if she comes out on top, she cannot be secure, because she will fear being dethroned.
There will always be people who have more than you, and people who have less, so there is no point in comparing. Instead of trying to out do you or someone else, she should just strive to be the best that she can be. In essence, she should compete with herself. It would help tremendously if you believe this too.
You can also tell her these wise words from Gandhi: "On God's earth, nobody is low and nobody is high." We don't have to earn our value by being superior to others. Our value is already here, because we are alive.
If you talk about this, it is essential that you come from a position of genuinely caring about her best interests, not criticizing her. Otherwise, she will definitely shut down and fail to hear you.
Consistently telling her this, and demonstrating it in your own life are the most important things that you can do. You have power in that regard.
She might be motivated to want to change. However, remember that she is the only one who can change herself. It may be that she won't listen, but I think it's worth a try. Good luck.
2007-03-04 22:35:06 · answer #2 · answered by Rosalie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't get her to stop by resenting her. She copies you because she uses you as a yardstick and secretly/openly admires you. Instead of being annoyed play along. Discuss her choices with her, don't feel she's competing because like it or not she may do this for a long time before she is able to make her own choices without looking to you first.
Also, look at it this way, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. You must be doing a lot of things right. Good for you!
2007-03-04 21:04:01 · answer #3 · answered by Tip Top 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just ignore her and pretend you don't notice
Don't tell her of any plans you have so she can't copy them or be mean and tell her false ones so she copies the wrong thing
She'll come unstuck when she does something and you do completely the opposite
A few times of that happening and she might wake up
2007-03-04 21:11:56 · answer #4 · answered by snowluk 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would she stop its so easy to live your life off someone Else's ides and even easier if its your sister what works for you will work for her its kind of lazy way not to deal with life head on. Don't make a mountain out of a mole hill if she is destine to fellow some one than who safer than you. You've been keeping her out of trouble and she doesn't even know it what good sister you are.
2007-03-04 21:10:27 · answer #5 · answered by shango 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
documentation... document every moves she makes. everytime you get or do something new write it down, take some pictures and date it. then when she copies you you'll have the proof. now make sure it's more than just one indecdent. document everything like you about to take this ***** to court. some people don't believe that fat meat is greasy so you got to show them.
2007-03-04 21:42:53 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just tell her how u feel & see how she will take it.I tried it with my step sister & it worked
2007-03-04 20:51:42 · answer #7 · answered by Boy_Crazy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
go to her about your feelings. tell her how you feel. maybe she'll get the picture.
2007-03-04 20:50:34 · answer #8 · answered by Chelly 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
talk to her about the situation
2007-03-04 20:50:33 · answer #9 · answered by PrincessC 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
open her mind
2007-03-04 20:49:31 · answer #10 · answered by Baby Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋