help on my thesis statement?

Question

I have a paper due on Galileo Galilei, it's supposed to be on his effect on the world during the renaissance. I read how to work a thesis statement, and I would like your opinion if you have done a thesis statement before.

"During the Renaissance the Roman Catholic view of the world, and God, was threatened by Galileo Galileis' astrological discoveries in space."

I really appreciate your help.

Answer 1

During the Renaissance, the Roman Catholic view on the world and God was threatened by Galileo Galileis' astrological discoveries in space.
just minor comma placement issues. otherwise it was good :)

Answer 2

Wow, this is a great thesis statement, if i were you, I would add how the the world, God, and the Catholic view of the world, was threatened by his atrological discoveries in space.

Answer 3

Sounds close, but a bit awkward. Also, if you intend to discuss what the Church authorities did about the threat, you may want to add a subordinate clause suggesting that action was taken. In any case, I suggest you make a slight alteration for clarity. Instead of 'view', use 'concept':
"...the R.C. concept of the world, God, and the universe, was threatened by G.G.'s...."