In a mess, any help?

Question

I am 20 years old. I have a problem with people getting drunk, partly because I don't like alcohol and partly because my family had trouble with alcohol years ago. I am worried about these people wrecking there lifes because of alcohol.

I hate nightclubs, they are too loud and I am against drugs and women making out in public.

Due to these views I have no mates, they all love the things I hate and we have grown apart.

I don't know how to move forward without the issue of alcohol coming up again.

When I am getting close to a women I try to destroy it for myself, partly because I get nervous and I hate feeling like that and partly because she proberly goes clubbing with her mates. I also have issues with trust.

I want to get a well paid job but I have trouble with learning and I lack motavation.

The people I am going to work with are going to be bottom of the barrel and I know my ego and political views will cause trouble trouble between us.

Anyone got any advice?

My question is how can I sort my life out and fit in more without changing.

Thanks for the kind words so far though.

Thanks to everyone for answering

Thanks for all the positive comments everyone.

Also thank to the party girls for showing why I have a problem with party girl you made the whole understanding issue alot easier for everyone.

Thanks again everyone

Answer 1

What you are is an individual. Too bad there aren't more like you - people who do what they think is right, what they want to do, rather than follow stupidly along with the herd. I wish we could clone you, actually.

It's rough being the odd man out, yes, but you will develop into a REAL person while your buddies just wither into cardboard cutouts of each other.

Answer 2

Try to think of a similar, but non-alcohol related problem.

Say you are vegan and it hurts you deeply to know how the animals are bred and slaughtered for meat, and how little value does an animal life have to humans. Yet, you are forced to live in a society where meat is everywhere and the majority of people eat it frequently, some even on the daily basis.
What would you do? How would you overcome this problem? You go to a restaurant - they serve meat. You go to a supermarket, they roast meat in the deli and it stinks through half of the store. You meet a girl and - oh my, she invites you over for a Sunday roast.

I am sure you have some answers to the above problem. Now swap meat with alcohol and -voila!, there is the solution to your problem.

Let me also tell you that people who refuse to drink alcohol (excessively) are not so rare and it is easy to find like-minded people on the internet and they can give you further advice.

Re trust & motivation... do not worry to much. It seems to me you are just overreacting a bit. ;-)

Good luck!

Answer 3

I hate clubs and alcohol,too.
It was harder when I was young, but now there are more great friends to choose from, who also live their lives abstinent from drugs and alcohol.
Why don't you try the equivalent of AA where you are?
It could be a start toward a social life w/out doing the things you dislike. Clubbing and drinking just to avoid being alone will only hurt you in the long run.
You sound like a great guy and I wish you the best.
Be patient and things will fall into place for you.
Good luck.

Answer 4

maybe u r looking in the wrong places for a girlfriend, although there are many nice decent girls in nightclubs u have to find them first.
as for mates, maybe u could join a club, think about your intersts and im sure u would have some kind of club u could join up to with like-minded people who share a common-interest with u.
alcohol isnt the be all and end all, it is a fact of life, alcohol, pubs, bars, resturants do exist, but it doesnt have to be such a big part of your life, dont let what others do bother u so much. i enjoy going out clubbin with my mates on the weekend and at the end of it, its me who has wasted all that money and what do i have to show for it...? a hangover. good on u for not wasting ur money on alcohol, but remeber u dont have to consume alcohol to have a good time.
try to go with the flow and have fun

Answer 5

thats a tricky 1 mate....but good for u focusing on your job u say u lak motivation i do to but dont think like that think were u wana be in 5 years as for the trust issue well how can u trust any partner these days they all seem to be the same but trust is 1 of those things that will be broken and im affraid in order to solve this problem u will have to have your trust broken the way of life these days is crap and people dont care about any body else but them selfs.....hope u find and sort out ur problem email me when u do cause id love to no myself goodluck mate :) ps dont change for anybody people shouldnt have to act differant for people they should lke u for who there are your friends ovasly arnt right for u. u should look for new 1s if were there id be the same.

Answer 6

you sound just like me! dont worry we all have to start at the bottom of the barrow but the trick is to find a job that you love then it will fly buy and you will get the right money and status in no time. you are right to stay away from alcohol fill your time with snowboarding or chess or whatever you are into to make likeminded friends. You dont have to go to clubs if you dont like then but maybe if you tried one with salsa dancing classes where people are too busy to be drunk you might even enjoy it and find a nice girl who is just like you. But you should chill on the women snogging in public each to their own. Good luck!

Answer 7

Hi there,
i certainly do agree with you that night clubs are loud and i think rough too.I always felt like an alien and was worried and confused as to why i didn`t like them.I feel sure one day you`ll meet the right person in your life.There`s nothing wrong with disliking alcohol.If your mates have deserted you then it`s there loss.Stick to your views be your own person and like yourself.You are only 20 and at the prime of learning.There is nothing wrong in what your doing but don`t become your own worse enemy in thinking there is.Just you be you-and be proud

Answer 8

I do not really see what your problem is.

I don't much liker alcohol, nor do I like the effects that is has on others. Generally, I manage to avoid anyone who has problems with drink and drugs.

I don't like places where there is noise, hate the mentality that has anything to do with 'clubbing' or anything resembling that.

if your issue is something along the lines of 'having no friends,' then seek them in places where any of the aforementioned are hardly likely to be.

If you feel that your 'problems' run deeper than that, then you might like to consider some counselling and maybe uncover what lies at the bottom of what you feel.

Best of luck.
Sash.

Answer 9

hey honey, you sound to be right on the ball here and got a lot of sense about you, WELL DONE. The thing is your above those who just use society as a lever to do whatever !!!!! you carry on with your life the way you are and when your older like me (50) look back and say HEY whose the one thats in good health & wealthy now....good luck to you & there is a lady out there for you that wants the same as you toooooo so just be patient and she will turn up when your least expecting it. you don't need to fit in your unique & thats that, if people dont like you as you are then their not worth being with.

Answer 10

Why not join a health club or get a hobby where drinking is not the main event? there has to be like minded people who share your views.Don't worry you're not on your own, just sensible.