"my voice is but a whisper
as i'm calling out to you.
i'm quickly sinking deeper,
and i just don't know what to do.
the pain runs deep,
my heart can't last;
time's running out--
i'm falling fast.
please save me now,
before it's too late.
i feel death pulling me,
and it just won't wait.
i'm just a kid,
and life is hard.
some people make it,
but i'm broken and scarred.
i fell quite fast,
my time is through.
you just couldn't hear me,
as i called out to you.
there were always other things
more important than me.
i was falling so fast,
but you never could see.
i was the girl you ignored,
who had problems, then died.
but what you will never know
was that it was suicide.
all i needed was someone,
just someone to get me through.
but you just couldn't hear me,
As I Cried Out To You......."
2007-03-04 11:45:55 · 14 answers · asked by lifeistough_period 1 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Visual Arts ➔ Drawing & Illustration
Really Good! It has a good flow to it. BTW I hope you are not the one feeling this way. if you are, please, feel free to e-mail me. :D
2007-03-04 11:50:44 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Great! I found your poem to give me chills so it reaches the target audience as the theme intends. Try extending each verse a little so the the audience dosent read it so quickly, if you dont like that idea then even something as simple as changing the layout can slow it down a little. eg:
"I was falling so fast, but you never could see.
I was the girl you ignored, who had problems,
then died.."
2007-03-04 12:21:48 · answer #2 · answered by belamyboo 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are three things you need to know
One is that life needs angst for you to grow
Two is that depression junkies want their pains
Three is that good things grow when it rains
So, yes, I think your poem is really great
Still, you need to love as well as hate.
You can't know what being human means
Until you've tasted life after your teens.
2007-03-04 12:06:49 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Fabulous! Did you know there are very few writers of tragedies anymore? Not young ones at least! Your the best I've seen under 20!
2007-03-04 11:55:49 · answer #4 · answered by delux_version 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your choice of words and arrangement of the poem was very clever. and i can see if from comes from experience. i like your style, because i write these kind of poems too. try exploring with more verbs and different imagery lines. maybe that will add a personal touch to it. i think you have great skill!
2007-03-04 11:54:53 · answer #5 · answered by miszjanee 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ahhh.Now this is good writing.And I could tell its from the heart.I write myself as well.And I can tell you this is a good piece of writing.Its a great way of expression .
2007-03-04 11:52:15 · answer #6 · answered by mr.gl00my™ 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, depressing is good, maybe if you get all the depressing stuff out on paper, you'll feel better inside : )
2007-03-04 11:48:43 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Now that's something that every parent and counseler should read slowly. That's outstanding! I'm speechless.
2007-03-04 11:51:01 · answer #8 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good.Please take care of your self ,don't do any thing rash.Go see a Dr for your depression,if that is what it is
2007-03-04 11:59:49 · answer #9 · answered by Candy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is depressing, but it sounds like it is written from the heart.
2007-03-04 11:56:32 · answer #10 · answered by ronnie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
its amazing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! enter it into a contest and you could win easily. it is a little depressing, but thats what poems are for. to express feelings right? for the most part its great. :)
2007-03-04 11:54:32 · answer #11 · answered by calia 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋