My daughter is in serious need of help, we are getting her counseling but look for answers anywhere.?

Question

I have to look at Sept or October. I feel that there are some very specific events in her life that have greatly affected her and she doesn’t know how to deal with everything that has happened. She has had to deal with too much loss these past months:
n June a good friend of hers died suddenly from a brain aneurysm
In August her long term boyfriend went to college
In October another good friend was killed in a car accident
In October another friend died we are not sure of the cause
The night before his funeral She broke up with her b/f who she was very close to and still is.
She immediately seeing someone. Since seeing “Charlie” she has become a compulsive liar, she has never ever been in any kind of trouble at school and this semester alone she has had detention 4 times and every time she has gotten in trouble because of Charlie. She lies everyone. The big problem is that when she is caught in a lie she becomes violently angry with the person who confronts her.

She begins to scream at the top of her lungs, repeats over and over her denial of the lie, cursing and she will physically attack. The only person she has attacked is me because I am the one who in confronting her. She has slammed a glass down and broke it and walked through the glass because she was grounded. Twice she has attacked me while I was driving and jumped out of the car and ran. I know for a fact that she lies every day I catch her every day and she denies it and always has someone else to blame. Even if everyone is telling one story and she is telling a different one she will stick to it even when faced with hard cold evidence and blames everyone else. We have developed a zero tolerance policy at our house with her lying, cursing and violence, we have gotten to the point where as soon as it happens she is punished. We don’t know if we are doing right we are at a loss.





We have developed a zero tolerance policy at our house with her lying, cursing and violenc

The only friendship she has managed to maintain is that of her long-term boyfriend that went to college, that she broke up with. They are the phone every night and still see each other as often as they can, she will go visit him and when he is home they spend a lot of time together. She will deny this but the only time I see her happy and laughing and smiling and acting like the sweet loving girl that we all know is when she is with her ex. She would like everyone to believe that this is about a boy it is not. It’s all about her compulsive lying, her cursing and out of control violent rages and her poor grades.

We do have her in counseling we are looking for every possible answer we can and we talk to her every single day we are on this 24/7

Answer 1

Don't know much about Charlie, but what crosses my mind is that he's TROUBLE. I would consider the possibility that he is into drugs and maybe exposing your daughter to drugs too. She would benefit from counseling if she will allow herself. You and her father would benefit from counseling too, because this situation is something you haven't dealt with before and are unsure of what do to on your part, and it's a tough one to figure out. Whatever you choose to do, don't let it be nothing, and make sure you are consistent. You are still the parent and the owner of your house and the rule maker in your home. Don't give up. If she breaks a rule, there should be a consequence. If she doesn't follow through on the consequence, there should be another, harsher consequence (not talking about hitting or abusing in any way though). Don't just throw your hands in the air. You and her father need to have a plan for ALL the "what-ifs"."

Answer 2

Ouch. Watching this must be heartbreaking for all the family. I can understand from what you say as to how you feel at a loss with the situation. Counselling.....does or has it had a small effect thus far? Even the small things add up to big things over time...Further, perhaps concentrate on the positive things she does and try ignoring the bad for a while. Finding even the most smallest thing and adding her praise may change things a little. Hard tactics may not be the only solution at this point. Start with the small and she may come around little by little. This situation has no quick solution. Perseverance and support will get you through. Best of luck to you.

Answer 3

Wow! Obviously she has been traumatized by all her losses. You did not state her age. Sounds like Charlie hasn't been a very good influence... but it might help to talk to him anyway just in case he isn't the problem. She's having some sort of mental break. Rules are not going to help with her. She does not trust. She may need to just vent. Don't make any accusations...let her be for a time and treat her with great kindness and respect. I mean that sincerely. Respect her wishes even when she is venting...to calm her down. Don't try to reason with her. Don't wall her in with what is right or wrong. Give her some space..but definitely seek counsel ling. We are all amateurs here and it is all guess work on our part.. See if that makes a difference and ask her if she'd like to see a doctor for how to control all this anger she feels. I've worked in a psychiatric hospital and respect is key for all psychiatric patients. It enables them to be more cooperative and trusting and accepting of help. It does not sound like any of this is her fault...just to much loss at a vulnerable age. Best to all of you....

Answer 4

Just a suggestion, next time she starts acting out...call 911 and let them take her in for a psych evaluation. While the issues of grief maybe causing this extreme behavior, there might me unknown drug usage. Get in touch with your county and state mental health units for referrals, some have emergency response crisis units instead of 911. Find a local support group for parents, like tough love and learn what others have done and tried. Seek help from the family court, learn your rights as parents and about PINS (persons in in of supervision). I would try to stay away from school programs for help, stigmatizes a bad situation. There are lots of places to be referred to, find the one that you can work with since none of the choices will be easy. Don't give up, that is what being a parent is about. Take care and good luck.

Answer 5

wow, that sounds scary and hard for both of you.. I cannot imagine the pain she must be in right now. Really the best thing you can do is have her in counselling. she may even be in need of some time living away from you (as hurtful as that sounds) to sort out her feelings on her own in her own way. Maybe you should try approaching her when nobody's angry and just letting her know that you can only imagine how she's feeling but that its ok to feel that way. she's clearly devastated by these losses, and needs your support (and i know you're trying to give it to her) good luck!

Answer 6

Nothing we can tell you on here is going to help her.

Just have patience with her until you can get her the professional help you need to get her. Which should be right away instead of expecting us to help you.

She has been through a lot and her anger has taken over. She needs professional help to show her the safest ways of releasing this anger and hurt so she can go on with her life.

All in all the help she receives will only do so much, she has to be the one to do the rest on her own and she will have to be the one to want to do it.


Good luck.

Answer 7

counseling doesn't always work. who wants to talk to a stranger. i think you need to talk to her let her know you are here for her. obviously she is going through a lot with all of those people who died in her life. shes angry at the world right now and by her lying and doing whatever maybe she thinks she is pushing who ever she loves back. because she doesn't want to get hurt again. she just scared and this is her way of dealing with it. just hug her .. she will talk to you and by her still talking with her x thats helping too.

Answer 8

I am a professional psychiatrist. Yes, counseling sounds like the best road to go on. I know you want to help your daughter in every way that you can, but these are very private problems that I know she does not want shared. If I were you I would stop publicizing her problems in public. Trust me, it is a very bad thing for her.

Answer 9

Does sound like she does need help. She has become rebellious like many others because of bad things that have happended to her. Sounds like she really needs to let out some anger by talking to someone about her feelings. Sometimes other people don't know how to let their emotions out. She probably has been bottling them up and is about ready to explode. Just assure her that you love her and that you would do anything you could to help her.

Answer 10

My daughter is much younger than yours but has ahd times of deep trouble as well doign TERRIBLE things both to herself adn to others-me mostly. The first tiem she took an actuial bite out of my back, the second kicked me in the stomach at 15 weeks pregnant. Both times she was Baker Acted-put into teh hospital. Both times it was very difficult to watch. Neither time did beign here bring out the cause of her troubles BUT it did help her learn to deal with it until she was ready to talk about it.