I see how other people are doing in their lives, what they have done in the past and I sometimes get jealous. I went from high school to college and went to school full time, and worked full time. I got married right away and supported my husband and did a lot of OT to support his credit card debt. I had kids and I've done EVERYTHING for them and all the housework, all while working part time and going to college full time. I see that I haven't had any fun in life at all. I have no memories other than being exhausted from working all the time. I am only 32 and I know that's not old but people my age are generally starting to settle down and I haven't had fun yet in life. I've always had to be in charge or be the serious one.
What is wrong with me? I have healthy kids, BUT my husband has been unemployed for a year and I don't have steady work. I still can't have fun in life. I wish I knew what was going on with me and why I felt like this. Will I ever have fun? Is it too late?
2007-03-04 09:11:19 · 7 answers · asked by Jennifer L 6 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
It sounds like, from what little I can tell, that the expecation from early on was for you to be 'useful' and supportive to others, often at the expense of what you really felt.
I say this because you bring up what you have done for others, as if the expectation others have should be the same as ours. Unfortunately, it isn't.
Having 'fun' or the ability to have fun comes from several things: 1) a belief that our individual selves count 2) a belief that, because we want to have fun, we deserve to have fun, 3) a belief that fun is important enough in our lives to make room for (which is why people take vacations every year, to have 'fun'.) and 4) a belief that fun helps us deal with other issues and problems in our lives.
It's never to late to do anything. But before you can do 'something' it helps to understand what it is to you. If, for instance, you are hungry for steak, you have to ask yourself what kind of steak are you hungry for: steak sandwich, steak dinner, steak by itself, steak and shrimp, poterhouse steak, t-bone steak, ribeye steak, beef steak, etc etc etc. Eating the wrong kind of 'steak' will still make you feel a bit satisfied (I got to eat some steak at least) but not as satisfied as if you had eaten the steak you really wanted.
Since you want to have fun in your life, you have to make room in your life to have fun. And if the other people in your life are unwilling to compromise in order to help you out, then you seriously need to think about what that says about your situation.
2007-03-04 09:32:44 · answer #1 · answered by Khnopff71 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
This "supported my husband and did a lot of OT to support his credit card debt" led to this --> "my husband has been unemployed for a year and I don't have steady work". I had an aunt that when she went shopping for groceries she carried the 20 somethings bags back to the car while my uncle sat in the car. My mother yelled at her and told her that if she allows something like that to happen the man will get comfortable with being lazy and not helping her. He will find it normal to not help around, work and basically do anything. It is true that one reaches an age that we view what others have accomplished and what we have not. If you look back and think about the what ifs, you'll get stuck in the past. You have healthy children, that is great. I know that one thing that you will never regret is your children. Now comes a life decision. Women don't leave their husband because they are the primary bread winners in the family. These women feel that without them they are nothing and may die of starvation. In your situation I see the opposite. He doesn't do anything now and apparently you helped him more than he seems to have helped you. I wish my GIRLFRIEND would help me pay off my debt, well not really. Thing is you are in a postion that many women get to. In a situation like this, don't think of yourself or even worse your husband. Think of your children, you blood, your legacy. What do you think is best for them. If you regret your past, you regret your children ever being born. Don't ever let it get to that point.
2007-03-04 09:22:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like you have a ver busy life. You are very dedicated to your family to the point of not being very dedicated to yourself. Take some time to pursue things you like. This doesnt mean you have to spend a lot of money. You could read a book, or relax in the tub. Try finding a hobby that you could do. I know a lot of the smaller crafting stores have areas where you can do yur craft away from home. Just take some time for yourself.
2007-03-04 09:23:14 · answer #3 · answered by KatyCat 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
it's not to late you should have a day off like go 2 a spa or sixflags, sumwhere fun! u should see a specailist, try not 2 be 2 serious all da time dat is what ruins da fun, try listening to music to forget about your problems or spend time with the kids
2007-03-04 09:24:14 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well there seems to be nothing wrong with u but i think u need to tell ur husband that he needs to do a little more work around the house or go and get a job.
hopes this helps. GOOD LUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :o)
2007-03-04 09:21:00 · answer #5 · answered by Lindsey 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you will have fun when your husband starts to meet you half way! he needs to get his lazy butt off the couch and get a job to help you, make your workload not so large
2007-03-04 09:14:57 · answer #6 · answered by mastermind 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What would fun give you? You may want to explore what you're really seeking.
2007-03-04 10:28:37 · answer #7 · answered by unseen_force_22 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋