Does this sound like someone who has borderline personalit disorder?

Question

I've recently begun a relationship with someone. I know she sees a therapist, but haven't pressed as to why. She both works & goes to school full-time in healthcare field. Here are the facts:1)she first came off as a very caring, vulnerable and sensitive person who's badly hurt by others; 2)stresses on a regular basis what a devoted and faithful person she is; 3)does well at her job and school, but always thinks she's going to fail and devalues her success. Talks often of just quitting; 4)turns on major charm for others around her at work, in public, then switches abruptly to saying how much she despises the person or they take advantage of her; 5)began our relationship by calling numerous times a day, giving lots of praise, then suddenly announced I wouldn't hear from her the next day; 6)then began accusing me of trying to monopolize her time; 7)is now hostile, self-absorbed, assumes worst intentions, says things nastily that could be said nicer then says I am taking too personally

Also, she seems frightened and fearing of abandonment if I just say I want to talk to her about things. She said today that I am like the last few people she got involved with, and they all demanded the same things of her. There is something wrong with all of us, apparently. Ignores me when I say I'm upset about something, and goes right on to talk about what is bugging HER instead. Constantly uses the phrase, "You make me feel..."

Answer 1

It's very possible.These are the symptoms of BPD.Not necessarily must have all of these symptoms,also the level of them varies.The basic symptom is the fear of abandonement.

Borderline personality disorder affects how people feel about themselves, how they relate to others and how they behave.

People with BPD often have an unstable sense of who they are. That is, their self-image or sense of self often rapidly changes. They typically view themselves as evil or bad, and sometimes they may feel as if they don't exist at all. This unstable self-image can lead to frequent changes in jobs, friendships, goals, values and gender identity.

Relationships are usually in turmoil. People with BPD often experience a love-hate relationship with others. They may idealize someone one moment and then abruptly and dramatically shift to fury and hate over perceived slights or even misunderstandings. This is because people with the disorder have difficulty accepting gray areas — things are either black or white. For instance, in the eyes of a person with BPD, someone is either good or evil. And that same person may be good one day and evil the next.

In addition, people with BPD often engage in impulsive and risky behavior. This behavior often winds up hurting them, whether emotionally, financially or physically. For instance, they may drive recklessly, engage in unsafe sex, take illicit drugs or go on spending or gambling sprees. People with BPD also often engage in suicidal behavior or deliberately injure themselves for emotional relief.

Other signs and symptoms of borderline personality disorder may include:

-Strong emotions that wax and wane frequently
-Intense but short episodes of anxiety or depression
-Inappropriate anger, sometimes escalating into physical confrontations
-Difficulty controlling emotions or impulses
-Fear of being alone

Answer 2

My question is: which one of you has the worse disorder. If she is deeply hurt and paranoid, I do not see how anything that you are doing is actually helping the situation at all.

You say that she is 'hostile, self-absorbed, assumes worst intentions', as though that were something like putting on two different pairs of shoes. What I mean by that is that her feelings of insecurity are directly tied to the actions of others. Just because you don't think you are making the situation worse does not mean that, to her mind, you are not making the situation worse.

In other words, if they believe you are being hostile, then you are being hostile, and your denying her 'feelings' is only going to come across as judgemental, threatening and hostile.

It sounds like she is acting out the pattern of her past relationships, most likely subconsciously. Expecting them to be 'normal' is the same as expecting a car with four flat tires to run smoothly. If you are having a problem with this, then you seriously need to consider whether or not you should be in this relationship, because it will probably get alot worse before it gets better.