funeral...?

Question

ok in a dilema, offerd to go to a funeral with my boy,f his best friend took his own life etc. Not been with my guy long altho known him years and so never met his best friend. So i will be going purely for my guy. i wont know anyone atall other than my guy and his mum who is also the vicar. Was feeling a little nervous but thought itd be fine, until my guy was asked to carry the coffin. Now im going to have to walk in sit down face a servcie all alone and wait aterwards whilst they bury him. Ok so ill be there to support my guy but wont actually be with him the whole time, im feeling a little uncomfortable at the fact im going to be alone at the funeral of a complete stranger. I dont nkow what to do, i dont want to tell my guy cause he'll then say he doesnt want me there when i know he does, but i also feel wierd going on my own.
ive even got to face this guys family and daughter at the wake afterwards.....am i doing the right thing?!!

Answer 1

if you know he wants you there, then don;t worry about it. you have just as much reason to be there as anyone there, so shouldn;t feel nervous about being alone. People won;t be worrying about you sitting alone or anything and if they are, you'll have enough chances to show them you're there for your guy.
Just support him, otherwise you;ll be missing out on something important to him. when you see the family/friends etc, just say you're sorry for their loss, even though you didn;t know him you realise how hard it must be.

Answer 2

I can see that you are struggling with several problems. It's tricky to try and comfort someone who has just lost a close family member (my best friend has just lost a sister) and trying to find what to say.
Funerals are uncomfortable, unfamiliar social situations so I don't think many people will know who is who and want to make conversation. When coping with social situations like this, I'd try to get your bf to introduce you to one or two people at the start of the proceedings and try and stick near them. As much as we dread things, they're over soon.
You could try and tell him that it will be uncomfortable for you, and ask him to help out by coming over to see you regularly and introducing you to a few people beforehand. Reassure him that you feel up to going but you need some support. Good luck.

Answer 3

well you have puzzled me, if your boyfriend did not want you there he would say, otherwise it is a weird relationship funeral or not, you cant read is mind dont try. Now as far as the funeral goes go and support him, even if you are on your own for a short time , it will only be for an hour or so at the most, be glad it is not your funeral life is too short to concentrate on silly little things. Go and give support to who ever needs it

Answer 4

Not to be rude - but I would worry a little less about myself if I were you. It's great you are supporting your guy, so just think of it in that way, rather than feeling weird about it. It's a small gesture you can make that means way more to your boyfriend and the family, despite it being uncomfortable. So go to the funeral and be there for the people that are really grieving.

Answer 5

Absolutely and I admire you for it. I'm sure your BF will feel better just knowing that you are there even if you can't be right next to him. Is there another of your BF's friends or family he could introduce you to beforehand so you can sit with them? If you don't want to ask him then could you speak to his Mum?
If not you just support your BF quietly from the sidelines - it'll only be a couple of hours and he needs you - think how much better you would feel knowing he was there if the situation was reversed.
Best of luck.

Answer 6

It's no big deal. Go to the funeral, and give your support to the b/f
The people at the service are there to remember the departed, and most will probably not even know you're there. If someone speaks to you, just tell them who you are and that you're there with your b/f and it was his friend that is the deceased. Who knows you might even make a new friend there. But don't make llame excuses for not going.

Answer 7

You will be going with him you will only be apart while he carries the coffin he can be with you for the service, dont worry about it he needs you there for him for your support, it will be fine there will be other friends there that you must have met, just be there for him as best you can,he will be with you at the wake and introduce you to his friends family................

so go with him and you can be together during the service, sit near the front 2nd or 3rd pew then he can just come beside you good luck..........

Answer 8

You won't have to be sitting by yourself. At my grandfather's funeral in January, my husband was a pallbearer (casket carrier). Anyway, we were able to sit together during the entire visitation (wake) and funeral. The pallbearers are only busy for a short period of time when everyone is traveling from the funeral home to the church or from the church to the cemetary. Don't worry. It will be okay.

Answer 9

Yes I would give him support as needed. However you should speak with someone you can trust about the situation ( someone who knows both of you). It is one day and you have to share all these things with the man you love, after all wouldn't he do the same for you? Take care and all the best.

Answer 10

there is a difference between goign with someone and what is in effect being on your own. as you do not know the deceased, if may be for the best to not go, explain to the bf that if things were different you would attend, he will understand, why not meet up with him afterward and ask him to tell you about his friend!