I met this woman almost 2 years ago in a drug rehab. We became friends. She shared in groups right off the bat about her unhappy, controling, marriage. 3 months after graduation, she calls me out of the blue and says lets meet for coffee. We did and I told her if there was any love left for her husband she should work it out. She has 2 kids, pre-teens. She said there marriage was dead and she wished he would just leave. After several lunch dates, we kissed, and have been lovers for over a year. Her husband found out, has threatened me and has her on a very short leash. He smahed 5 cell phones, checks her milage, and all the stuff you would expect. Neither one will go for divorce. We had a fight. I told her I wanted more. Want to date her in the open. She says she loves me and wants to be with ME. Her calls have stopped, almost, but anytime I see her it's on her terms, at her conveinence. Is this going anywhere or what? Aside from being stupid to get involved with a married woman, ????
2007-03-04 06:35:46 · 13 answers · asked by flyboy 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i would wash my hands of this buddy..
it sounds like more troubke than a piece of hinny is worth.. find you a single girl with less headaches and who will be there for you
2007-03-04 06:39:12 · answer #1 · answered by chrissy30753 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd say you chose a life that you get what you pay for.
#1: You wouldn't want a man to do that to your wife no matter what the circumstances(and remember you only have one side to the story of their marriage).
#2: No reason to have an affair is a good one. When you have a bad marriage you get a divorce.
#3: She will continue to control the relationship she has with you because she knows what type of person you are after agreeing to have the affair.
#4: A real man doesn't have to sneak around to have love in his life. A puppet does.
You should stop what you are doing and concentrate on making yourself into a more respectable and honest man and you might find a good woman that not only won't play these headgames, but also prove to be a good choice for a long term relationship with no strings attached.
2007-03-04 06:59:27 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
She was in a drug rehab and she opened up to you about her unhappy marriage......is she a victim of domestic violence do you think? It certainly is a possibility....does the husband use drugs? What was the reason your lover got addicted to drugs in the first place? Find out the answers to all those questions then maybe you will have your answer. Maybe this situation is not black and white....maybe she is too frightened to file for divorce....maybe he has threatened her in some way. You say hes keeping her on a short leash and that tells me, he has total control over this woman. You keep a dog on a leash, not a human being, but a dog will comply with anything their master has beaten into them. He has the control....she needs help. She needs to find the strength to get out of the marriage.. Maybe the best you can do is to tell her you understand her situation and advise her to get some professional help to enable her to cut the chains that he is holding her with. If you love her, I mean trully love her, then help her out...give her your support....but only to the point where your well being is not being affected. The bottom line though, she is the only one who can get out of this marriage....you can support her, but you cant force her to leave. Maybe the best you can do is get phone numbers of a support network she could use....Salvation Army, Samaritans...the local domestive violence shelter perhaps. You would probably know her better than her husband does because she opened up to you when you were both in rehab, so I reckon you would know what is really going on in that marriage....decide whether she is in an abusive marriage and understand and support.....or decide that she is not worth the trouble.....only you know if your love is strong enough.
I wish you all the very best....its a real tough situation to be in.
2007-03-04 06:54:43 · answer #3 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Walk away NON!
Stay away and don't return phone calls, should husband think for a minute or two he might just SUE you for violating martial union.
And my friend you would LOSE big time.
Wife a home mom who is also a Lawyer and ,cpa to boot (and the best damn looking woman on planet) and we talked about it when a friend of her's did just what your saying and you would not believe the civil courts and how the home wrecker gets sued.
The woman has a family, Kids and this is how your attacking them.
You got no future and when kids find out about affair they will probably do a lot more then threaten you.
2007-03-04 06:54:29 · answer #4 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
The same as it is with women dating married men, dating a married person is a WASTE of time. They NEVER leave their spouse.
Move on, respect yourself. There is a single woman out there who is wondering this, "Where are all the good single men, who want a loving and dedicated relationship?" Why don't you go find her and let her know you got lost on the way but your here now.
2007-03-04 06:42:34 · answer #5 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
she can't come in and out of your life and play with your emotions like that. if she really wanted a divorce she would get one, she is just giving u enough to keep u in there hoping things will change. but why would u want another man's wife? u deserve much more from life, why settle for just a few morsels. she is keeping u just interested enough so if things don't work out with him, she will have a relationship there and waiting for her. yes u should have known better and put more thought into this. do yourself a huge favor and distance yourself from this toxic relationship your in.
2007-03-04 07:25:02 · answer #6 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 1⤋
i would move on if I was you. I know you really like her but this is really really complicated. She is in a very controlling relationship and she is married and her calls have stopped and its at her convenience.... there are too many cons and you will get hurt.
2007-03-04 06:40:53 · answer #7 · answered by Sarah H 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I feel for you you have done so much work on yourself going through rehab that wasnt easy please please dont let anyone or anything elce control your life and that is what she is doing I feel it for her to being in an abusive relationship but you know what you are worth more then that.
2007-03-04 06:48:05 · answer #8 · answered by kelticgirl 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
sorry but i say move on. even though you have deep feelings, if not in love with her, but you made a huge mistake getting involved with a married woman, even if she said her marriage was dead. please for your sake move on.
2007-03-04 08:48:52 · answer #9 · answered by jdchick48 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You should know better then anyone that druggies will tell any lie they can to get what they want. She is using you cut all contact with her.
2007-03-04 06:51:59 · answer #10 · answered by Lou 6 · 0⤊ 2⤋