we have been married 8 years and she is a great woman, but i have been in a relationship since i was 15, with no more than a couple of months between...I don't want to be in a relationship. but i really don't want to hurt my wife....
2007-03-04 06:21:46 · 18 answers · asked by so_want_to_be_single 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
um...not really possible. If your gonna leave her obviously she is going to be hurt. Unfortunately you gotta do what you need to do in life! If you truly think she is great and all you need is time ALONE, express that to her and take a break don't get a divorce! you deserve to be true to yourself! If what you really mean is you wanna go out and screw around then you need to reevaluate your feelings and your question and your decision making skills.
2007-03-04 06:35:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
As a woman, i wish you would have thought about this before even asking her to be your wife. Did you get married young?
Is a divorce really what you want? You wont feel regret for losing the person you agreed to be with forever? Or will you?
Marriage is a commitment that two people agree to, you really wont be fair to her to just say you want a divorce or even a seperation. And there is no way "out of it" with out hurting her!
My only advise would be talk to her about your feelings- leaving out the topic of divorce initially- and see if you can come to an agreement together about the situation you are in. Maybe, there is a possibility that she will understand what you are telling her and there will not be a need for you and her to no longer be together. Or you could see a relationship specialist.
2007-03-04 06:29:40 · answer #2 · answered by Sunshine 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I met my very first boyfriend when I was 16-years-old. I thought I loved him, but what I really felt was gratitude for his kindness. He was a very good person. I married him shortly after I turned 20.
Just shy of 23, I realized that I was stifling in the relationship and that I didn't love him. I was horrified because this was a rather sudden realization for me. I didn't know what to do, but I did know that I couldn't go on living the lie.
We only get one go-around in this life and I decided that I didn't want to be old and look back upon my life with regret. It seems selfish, but in the long run it was good for my ex-husband too. He was a good person who deserved a wife who loved him back.
I left him and it did hurt him horribly. There was no way to avoid it. That's just the way it is sometimes.
BTW, you don't mention whether you guys have children together or whether your decision would come as a great shock to your wife.
2007-03-04 06:33:52 · answer #3 · answered by vita64 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well it is doing her a disservice to hide this from her. Whether or not you stay together, this has to come out in the open if you are both going to be happy.
You know yourselves best, but I would suggest seeking out a councillor. First I would make sure that 'you' see the councillor first on your own. Don't go to someone who automatically tells you to stay together or to leave. Some councillors already have something in mind for you. That isn't good counselling to my mind. You need someone to be objective and supportive to both you and your wife. Something holistic in approach that supports your growth, health and well being as human beings. They, the councillor, don't get to make the decision for you. They should just help you both to make the right descission for you.
Understanding helps people through break ups and reconciliations. You obviously care about this woman. You respect her and this is a good place to start!
Peace!
2007-03-04 06:33:54 · answer #4 · answered by Jamie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You can't leave your marriage without hurting your wife. Even if she wanted out too, rejection is still painful. So put yourself in her shoes and decide which way would be best to tell her. You know her well enough to know how to handle it if you will think about it long enough.
You didn't say if there are children, and that matters. It still sounds like divorce to me though. You can tell her and then figure out how to move and where to live. Start your life over. You got married too young and now you miss the freedom you never had.
Be gentle on her though, please. @80) Good Luck!
2007-03-04 06:29:48 · answer #5 · answered by Dovey 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No-one wants to hurt anyone we care about, but sometimes it is necessary to live out your own life the way you choose. Hurt is a part of life....we have all experienced it at some point in our life. Hurt makes us toughen up...it makes us learn about ourselves....If we never experienced hurt, we would be pretty shallow people I reckon. You have to do what you have to do to make yourself happy. Your wife will be hurt, there is nothing you can do to prevent that from happening, but she wont lay down and die.....she may grieve for a while, she may get depressed, but there will come a time where she will pick herself up, brush herself off and move on. Dont make the mistake of sugar coating anything.....dont drag it out....just do what you have to do....allow your wife to deal with it sooner rather than later.
2007-03-04 06:29:06 · answer #6 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Being honest & breaking it off now will save hurt in the long run. My ex-hole wanted out, but he waffled back & forth 2 YEARS--leaving, coming back, leaving again.
It was unbelievably painful, and if he had been MAN enough to just ask, it would have hurt a thousand times less!
You're going to hurt her regardless---but honesty & quickness will let her heal better.
2007-03-04 06:29:33 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is nothing you can do that will avoid hurting your wife. Either you want out or you don't. If you want out it is going to hurt her. YOU have to make that decision..think about this though. If you truly want out and don't get out you will more than likely begin to resent her more and more and in the end leave her anyway without caring whether she get's hurt or not. She deserves a chance to meet someone who will want to be with her forever .
2007-03-04 06:27:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Impossible to not hurt your wife (unless secretly she wants the same thing). Be straight with her. Honesty is the best way to go. Sorry about your marriage bro. Good luck.
2007-03-04 06:26:35 · answer #9 · answered by RickinAlaska 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I suppose you'll hurt your wife even more by staying (unhappily) married to her. She will appreciate your honesty on the long run, though it will be difficult at first.
Don't you think it will get even more difficult by staying in this relationship without being happy?
2007-03-04 06:27:07 · answer #10 · answered by Fran 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋