I was astonished when I found out a few months ago and shes pregnant. Great huh ? I am so ashamed of this. Shes not getting an abortion and I can;t but the baby up for adoption. What Should I do with the baby ; raise her as my 3 child ? And what to do I say to my niece ?
2007-03-04 05:58:47 · 20 answers · asked by Alexis M 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
* I would not take on full responsibly on raising this child However I would help out as much as I could without confusing this baby.
You don't want the baby confused on who the real parent is.
She will need all the help raising a wonderful child.
I would not raise the baby as your own because that is not the truth and in future years it could mess up alot of things.
But just help her as a wonderful caring aunt!
Show and help her be a wonderful parent!
She should continue going to school and then to college to take care of this child. Don't make it very easy on her because she needs to learn so she won't make the same mistake again.
I had seen many of my friends when they were younger have more baby's because there parents took on full responsibility on raising the child. (the children thought the grandparents were there parents)
and so the young mothers felt they were losing there baby and could not disobey there parents so they in turn just had another baby. I know kind of weird but that is how teenagers think.
So please just help her the best you can.
Make sure she gets an education so in the future she won't be living off of states assistance for all of her life!
Good Luck to you and you are a VERY caring person.
We need more people like you in this world!
2007-03-04 06:24:25 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
You don't say why she can't put the baby up for adoption.
There are a LOT of people who would love to adopt, but have to wait years and years.
I don't know why you're ashamed -- I assume you aren't the father, and therefore had nothing to do with it.
You got a lot of responses from not-terribly-bright people utterly lacking in compassion ("Make her take care of the baby"). Please ignore them all.
The mother is WAY too young. Even in societies where the very young have babies, they live in extended families (as we call them) and have a lot of help.
The baby needs decent parenting (as does the niece, for that matter).
Get her some birth control.
Don't live a lie. If you're willing to take primary responsibility for the baby (assuming that's OK with the mother), then by all means do so. Just don't lie about it.
Ask her what she wants to do; let her know that you're there to help.
She must be going through a rough time; punishing her seems like over-kill to me.
And certainly don't punish the baby -- it didn't do anything wrong, or anything at all. It will need to be cared for by someone capable of meeting its needs.
There are forms of adoption these days that don't prevent the mother and child from knowing each other -- research the options.
If she knew she could visit, and would know her child, rather than sending it into some unknowable void forever, maybe your niece would go for that.
BTW, what about the father? Was he in the room at the time of conception? He bears some responsibility here, too.
But don't try to "force" them to take on the rolls of parents -- no reason to completely ruin 3 lives here. The baby needs good care, not a couple of confused and impoverished children.
2007-03-04 11:54:41 · answer #2 · answered by tehabwa 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Wow...that's quite a mess! First of all, although she is only 13, she still must take responsibility for her actions. What you could do is start out by teaching her the basics of taking care of a baby (i.e. diaper changing, feeding, bathing, etc). Once you've demonstrated how to physically take care of a baby, then have her take over and handle the baby. You can babysit the baby to help your niece get through school, but she should always be the primary caregiver. Once she hits 18, she should start paying you money if she still needs you to babysit the child.
I suggest buying her some books on parenting or giving her your own advice on how to handle the emotional needs of a child at various stages of development. However, in the end it is up to her on how she wants to raise the baby.
Bottom line: help her out, but make sure you are only playing a secondary role in raising this child. Your niece must learn to take responsibility for her actions and be the primary caregiver of this baby.
Good luck!
2007-03-04 06:47:44 · answer #3 · answered by Natasha 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
First let me express my background:
My mother and father were both 17 years old when i was born, and I am a father myself at age 19.
I'm not sure of the whole situation but it sounds like your making a decsion and then telling your niece what you've decided. That's not exactly how it works. Your niece is very unfortunate to be in this situation at such a young age and altough she is not an adult she is now a parent and in most states this is makes here legally accountable for this child in all ways she is automatically emancipated in most ways. No one can force her to make any decision about this child except for the courts, and even then there must be a complaining party, weather it's you or the DA. My real parents gave up custody of me to my grandparents there were many vigourus court hears over this matter, but it all came down to them voluntarily giving up custody of me. She needs to be aware that what ever happens must be her decision. This situation could go very smoothly and be a good one for all parties involved or it could be disasterous all depending on what actions people take.
All I can say is if you try to force your niece to give you her baby is that I hope someone interveins and gets her a attorney
2007-03-04 06:14:41 · answer #4 · answered by melissamarie728 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Your neice felt she was old enough to have sex, then she must be old enough to care for a child. She needs parental consent to have an abortion so that is out of the question since you are against it. You must put your foot down, talk to her let her know you are there for her but this baby is hers not yours and SHE, NOT YOU needs to take care of it. This will open her eyes and make her think twice before she lays in another bed with a boy.
2007-03-04 06:03:07 · answer #5 · answered by Tasha 3 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Why is adoption not an option? She can choose to place the baby for adoption. I don't see why you should raise the baby if you really not planning on it. A third child is a huge responsible. What if she gets pregnant again in a year or two, will you raise that one as well?? I saw encourage adoption or make her take responsibility and raise the baby!
If your neice is considering adoption, we would be interested to talk to her. Our adoption website is http://ouradoptionplan.com
2007-03-04 06:26:34 · answer #6 · answered by Joanne D 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Hm.. you should make her take care of the baby. It does not matter that she is 13 anymore, she is old enough to have sex, she can handle a baby regardless of what most people will say. Have her still go to school, and if it is too difficult after the baby is born, have her homeschooled. Of course help her out and such, but do not take full responsibility of the baby. Just help her, but dont take care of the baby completely. goodluck
2007-03-04 06:21:24 · answer #7 · answered by mrs.russell 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
If you want to keep the baby and raise him/her I think that is wonderful of you, but when the child is old enough you should probably explain to them the truth of what happened. As far as what to say to your niece, I would definitely be having a long talk with her, and she would definitely be having some new rules to go by, and unfortunately 13 year olds are having sex now, and short of locking them up and throwing away the key, you'll have to get her on birth control after the baby is born, hopefully childbirth will change her views, but that's not always the case, Good Luck!
2007-03-04 06:06:30 · answer #8 · answered by Coldfalls 1 · 1⤊ 3⤋
Keep her in school. Do not raise the child as your own. Make her live up to her responsibilities, and see if her school has a daycare there. If not you may need to watch your great neice/nephew until your neice gets home. Unfortunately this is getting to be a not so unusual occurence and school daycares are becoming more. When she is home it is her job to be a parent. You are a great Aunt. She is young, but as unfortunate as it is, it is her job to own up to that child and provide for him/her. Occasionally, you may want to watch her as your neice and not your daughter. Of course being that young she may need your help, but try not to get to involved and let her take care of her child. When she is older she may need a job after school to take care of her child. Support her as much as you can.
2007-03-04 07:14:02 · answer #9 · answered by Kelly s 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I think you niece is lost, and looking for love
I think giving the child up fro adoption is a good thing
You niece can be a child again
I would take you niece to an adoption agency
She should be able to interview the parents
Good luck
2007-03-04 06:31:35 · answer #10 · answered by Halo Mom 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋