My husband and i have been together for 7 years and married for 4years. He does not want children, but i want at least one. What should i do ?
2007-03-04 05:49:25 · 15 answers · asked by Jessica W 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well the first thing you do is NOT get pregnant. Trapping a man into fatherhood is despicable. Not only will you suffer for it, but the child will too. That isn't fair to anyone.
Next thing, is talk with him about why he doesn't want children. Are his reasons founded on irrational fears or are they legitimate reasons? Try to talk the reasons out calmly. Some people are not parent material, and should be thanked that they realize they are not parent material BEFORE they actually had a child.
If you can not bare the thought of being a childless couple then you may have to move on. It is a hard choice, but if you want a child that bad have one with a man who wants one too. It's the right thing to do.
2007-03-04 06:23:55 · answer #1 · answered by Poppet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a tough one, because with a lot of issues you can find some sort of happy compromise. (such as "We''ll go to your folks for Christmas this year and my folks for Christmas next year.") There isn't a lot of middle ground for this one; either you have kids or you don't.
Does he have an explanation for why he doesn't want children? Is it the fear of becoming a one income family? Is it the fear of some sort of genetic defect in his family? Is it that life is so good with just the two of you right now that he doesn't want it to change? At least if he was clear about his reasoning you might be able to understand it better.
My wife and I waited five years before we had our first child, and that seems to be more and more of a trend. People are having kids later in their marriage. I think its sort of natural as you get older, you start taking a different perspective on things. Perhaps your husband will as well.
He obviously knows how you feel, and it isn't a decision to be taken lightly. You might let him get more comfortable with the idea before you bring it up again.
2007-03-04 14:07:28 · answer #2 · answered by Pythagoras 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you knew that he didn't want children before getting married, then you married the wrong man.
If he doesn't want children and you do, you both need to be in agreement to want to have children. So, your husband is not in agreement with you, which means there will be no children.
But, if your husband has decided not to have children and made you think that he wanted children while being married, then your husband was not being honest with you. I am sorry to say, you married the wrong man. Because he lied to you in the beginning.
There is no agreement between the both of you.
2007-03-04 14:01:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is something many young couples fail to discuss prior to marriage because they assume their life partner has the same expectations and desires that they do because they say they are in love. You can't force another person to want to be a parent and understand that it has nothing to do with if you want it he should do it out of his love for you. Kids will change your lives entirely in the way your attitudes are, your social lifestyle, your financial obligations, and your energy levels. If you don't believe me ask your parents how much their lives changed. That why they say you pay for your own raising when you have kids of your own. That crying, burping, crapping, smiling bundle of joy is one of the hardest jobs that you take on as a couple. Your husband may change his mind later on and if you are young, it may be in both your best interests to wait until you are sure that it's something you both can handle and want to. It doesn't mean that you can't discuss it, but don't start sounding like a broken record or you risk building a wall of silence that may be hard to break.
2007-03-04 14:04:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You see, here is the problem. Alot of people do not discuss this kind of stuff BEFORE they get married or into a serious relationship and it soons takes a big burden on someones married life.
You cant do anything, your commited to your husband, and if he doesnt want them, then it looks like you will have to be patient till he wants them or your going to have to have no kids. If he is afraid of money or getting you pregnant, offer the adoption thing.
2007-03-04 13:54:37 · answer #5 · answered by Encouragement 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's too late to do what you should have done, which was to agree on this before you got married. Now you're stuck. If you feel your life would be worthless without being a mother, you're going to have to find yourself another man. One thing you cannot do is "accidentally" get pregnant. That is NOT fair.
2007-03-04 13:54:59 · answer #6 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
umm that is hard!Did you know this before you were married?You cant change his mind as he cant change yours!If he doesnt want any that is something you may have to live with if you want to stay in the marriage. You dont want to bring a child into a marriage that one parent does not want in the first place!Good luck!Trust me he wont change his mind once you have a child either!
2007-03-04 13:55:20 · answer #7 · answered by rere 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You should have discussed this BEFORE you got married...He doesn't WANT kids. Having children isn't going to fix things one bit. Basically the both of you got married under false pretenses...This marriage isn't going to work period.
2007-03-04 17:26:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why did you get married to someone who doesn't want the same things you do?
Try to get some professional help but it looks like one of you is either going to have to give in or divorce is in your future.
2007-03-04 13:53:58 · answer #9 · answered by daljack -a girl 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't have children with him if you have to coerce him into having one child.
Find someone that wants to have children with you for the right reasons and not just because they don't want to lose you.
2007-03-04 14:00:24 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋