I have been married for 4 months now, and we have been together for 3 years, and our relationship seems to be fading. since we have gotten married her has gotten lazier, and we only have sex like once every two weeks. A friend of ours let me know that he has feelings for me, and he knew that i had feelings for him too. He is at our house all the time, and every night my husband passes out on the couch, and we sit up and talk all night long. i love my husband, but the feelings are not there like they were before this. is this just a phase? what should i do??
2007-03-04 04:52:34 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
These feelings just came about within the past two weeks. he pays attention to me when my husband doesnt have time for me or our 11 month old child. I keep telling myself to stop talking to the friend, but its so hard.
2007-03-04 05:06:26 · update #1
I have tried talking to my husband about our relationship going to ****, and he never wants to talk, he says im just bitching.
2007-03-04 05:08:19 · update #2
Next time you see your friend in an appropriate situation---JUMP on him and ride him hard.
2007-03-04 05:24:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
So this guy trusts his wife and his best friend to the point that his friend is over all the time til all hours, and yet you're both abusing that trust and having inappropriate conversations behind his back, in his own house? I feel sorry for that guy.
Perhaps if you put less energy toward worrying about a guy so low that he'd approach his best friend's wife 4 months after they got married and instead put your energy into trying to improve the relationship with your husband, you wouldn't need to be asking this question at all. Have you tried talking to your husband about feeling neglected? Have you tried marital counseling?
At the very least, don't have kids until you're through all this, one way or another. 3 years is a drop in the bucket compared to a lifetime. But either way, whatever you decide longterm, do it honestly. Don't do it by screwing your husband over behind his back. Have more respect for him than that - and set yourself up to be able to respect yourself in the future.
As far as the friend goes - what kind of person does that to his best friend? Careful there in particular, because this could be less about you personally and more about a competitive thing toward his friend. Don't help some guy screw over your husband. At the very least, your husband should be able to count on you for the decency of leaving him before your pursue other men.
2007-03-04 05:10:23 · answer #2 · answered by romipenne 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wait a minute. You've been married 4 MONTHS . . . and you are "having feelings" for someone else? You are in one hell of a bad situation. Fortunately, there is an easy answer. Number one, you do NOT pursue anything with this other guy. Number two, you try to work things out with your husband (do not have any children with him to try to fix things!). Number three, if that doesn't work out, you get divorced. Number four, you give yourself some time to learn from this huge mistake before you try again.
2007-03-04 05:34:13 · answer #3 · answered by Helen W. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes he has feelings for you, he wants to get LAID, you are married, and him as a best friend of your husband should respect that. He is not the type of man that you want to be with, how do you know that he wont cheat on you if he is trying to possibly get you to cheat on his best friend. So you talk, that is good means you are friends, but under no circumstances should he have told you he liked you, that was crossing the line.
You need to talk to your husband, don't mention the friend because that will open up a whole can of worms, but talk to your husband because he needs to know what is going on. Maybe he is upset that you aren't spending time with him because "you stay up all night talking to him" You shouldn't be doing that, you should be putting your husband to bed, and going to sleep next to him. You need to talk to your husband and start doing things with him, not with his best friend, you need to out on dates, marriage is a two way street and without telling your husband and making an effort then it is going to end bad.
2007-03-04 05:05:58 · answer #4 · answered by Hawaiisweetie 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It's a phase.
We think that marriage is going to be totally fulfilling 24/7 and then you realize you married... a human being.
If you love your husband, end the flirtation with this "friend." What you're experiencing with him isn't "feelings" it's "lust."
Four months is a blip on the screen of a marriage. Not to be preachy, but: remember your vows. They apply even when you wish they would just go away. :)
You're playing with fire.
Put that energy back into your marriage.
Good luck.
2007-03-04 05:04:25 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Tell your husband you need your attention. Your friend is giving you the attention hubby is not. Lots of wives cheat because of husbands not giving wivies attention. Let him know or better yet get the friend to suggest to him what your needs are. Do something to get this back right.
2007-03-04 05:15:10 · answer #6 · answered by ronnny 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You owe it to your husband to be honest. You'd be better off getting out of your relationship before cheating. Nobody deserves to be cheated on. Remember the grass is not always greener on the other side. Remember why you fell inlove with your husband in the first palce.
2007-03-08 03:42:17 · answer #7 · answered by kmij4 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
oh my god.. you sound like me!.... i had feelings for my fellas friend.. didnt know he had them for me till a drunken hug nearly ended in a full on snog... i backed off... next day we spoke and he admitted he liked me and vise verse.... we did have a little "meeting" but nothing came of it as we both realised it would go no where..due to him being mates with my fella etc... we are close mates now tho.... and i think the world of him... me and my fella are having probs..i have tried to end it..(not for his mate either.. for me!).... anyway unless you seriously talk this over with the friend its gonna get worse.. and if the hubby aint listening tell him your leaving that will make him sit up and listen.... are kids involved as you will need to consider these too... ask the mate to not come round so often as you need space to sort the hubby relationship out... if you find you miss the mate them you know where you want to be BUT becareful the mate aint just after a quickie as a bit of fun is one thing but a long haul is another... best wishes xx
2007-03-04 10:23:07 · answer #8 · answered by tikketiboo 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband is not very bright isn't he? Anyway, this is not going to end well. It's a screwed up situation and too many people of questionable character are involved...just hang on honey and enjoy the ride...it'll be over soon, ;-)
2007-03-04 04:59:23 · answer #9 · answered by bettercockster1 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Why would you want to be around a person who would sleep with his best friends girl? You are asking for tons or trouble. Fix the marriage or get out of it. Don't complicate it further.
2007-03-04 05:53:22 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
if u love him stay with him u have only been married 4 months speak 2 him about it if u can and tell the friend he needs 2stop coming round all the time
2007-03-04 05:04:12 · answer #11 · answered by Danielle S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋