cheated on spouse and want to know whether or not I should fess up or keep mouth closed...he knows inside I might have but is willing to work with me...but I'm not sure whether or not I should fess up...what should I do...
2007-03-04 04:48:54 · 23 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It depends on what you can live with. If you can lay next to him every night and sleep soundly and you don't think he'll ever find out the truth, then give it a shot. In reality, it is already bothering you enough to ask on yanswers, so I recommend being up front and letting him decide what he wants to do. Without honesty, your conscience will way you down and make you keep emotional distance from him. Everything happens for a reason, and telling the truth may be your way of finding redemption.
2007-03-04 04:53:40 · answer #1 · answered by helper_for_life16 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Many seemed to feel the "right" thing would be to tell him. I hope you carefully read some of the answers that say not, & the thoughtful reasons. Certainly, if you make this a huge issue in your OWN mind, & you've had a good relationship, he'll pick up on your "guilt" & uncertainty. "Cheating" (I really dislike that word) isn't uncommon. It isn't a sin. It happens. Put it OUT of your mind. It's blood under the bridge UNLESS you feel you'll be tempted to have another assignation, & become an habitual "cheater." Quiite different. To "fess up" could hurt him deeply & what would it accomplish? It can't change what happened, but could have a very negative impact on your relationship. Would it make YOU feel better to "confess?" Would HE feel better? I would put it well behind me, & don't "worry" at it. I see no valid reason, from his, or your position to "tell."
Edit: I just want to add that if you feel this was such a "bad" thing to do, & you did it anyway, I VERY much doubt that you need counseling. You didn't say this, but a point was made about--in essence--cleansing yourself. That would be quite selfish. "What you don't know can't hurt you" may sound trite, but in certain circumstances, it's very true.
2007-03-04 05:33:03 · answer #2 · answered by Psychic Cat 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Good question! but I have some questions for you. Why confess? Is it to make you feel better? To hurt the other person? To get out of a relationship? Once you know why you are considering fessing up to cheating you will have your answer. Remember to weigh all the options of confessing to what YOU have done. If you want to confess to make yourself feel better see a professional counselor first. If it is to hurt the other person then keep you mouth shut. If you want the relationship to end find a different reason. After you think long and hard on you decision, and make your choice YOU WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT.
2007-03-04 04:59:53 · answer #3 · answered by dchandler1969 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you are wanting to start over fresh and build something on realness and truth, then by all means fess up. Why not fess up? If he cannot cope with it, then maybe you guys should be apart. In reality he may be able to trust you again in the future if you come clean with true remorse. I've been in his shoes and the mere fact that other would not come clean lead me to believe they were not sorry and would most likely repeat the behavior. When one loves another and they know something to be true in their gut but the other refuses to fess up it really makes you feel ill inside... FESS UP! Apologize and take responsibility for your mistakes.
2007-03-04 04:58:31 · answer #4 · answered by Jennifer M 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I 've heard all the stuff about being honest so you can start fresh, but when my ex husband told me and removed all doubt, I should have just filed the next day and not kept trying to overlook what happened. He told me he was telling me because it was too much for him to bear, but really, I think he was enjoying my shock, and the feeling I had of being a fool , a betrayed fool at that, in the end I could only forgive him by forgetting him and we divorced. I know, I know, honesty is whats going on now, but be very careful about removing that last little place where the cheated on can find comfort. When forced to see and hear what they have successfully avoided, they may feel they have to take action, and that action won't be a back massage.
2007-03-04 04:58:15 · answer #5 · answered by justa 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Confessing after the fact is always more painful for your partner. Why didn't you consider telling him about your temptations before you did it and then you wouldn't have to wonder today. Put the shoe on the other foot and think how you would feel if he was not sure if he should tell you he cheated. If you don't tell him, it will come back to bite you. You made the choice to do it, now you need to give him the choice of staying or leaving. Tell him.
2007-03-04 04:58:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Keep mouth closed.Telling what you did never will help you to fix the relationship.I know a lady friend who told her partner,and now she is living a hell with him.She told him that she was cheating with a co-worker,and now he believes that she has sex with many men,and he fight with her,telling she is a whore,etc.Better idea is be quiet,and try to fix the relationship for good.Couples who confessed their cheating,never live happy as before.Think good,and be very smart,if you want to keep that relationship.Good luck.Also you can get counselling help.
2007-03-04 05:00:39 · answer #7 · answered by cobrasnake 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you tell him it would hurt him and relieve your conscience. I would see a counselor alone and then when the time is right go together. If you want to save your marriage then do the right thing and figure out a way to deal with why you did it and how to work on fixing yourself.
2007-03-04 05:27:34 · answer #8 · answered by Lisa D 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you confess without being asked, you are causing more pain. some partners may suspect but don't want to know for sure as that requires them to react.If you are truly sorry it happened you will work on the cause and not let it effect you that way again. So if he doesn't ask he doesn't want to know let him keep the illusion of your faithfulness unless you are trying to hurt him more.
2007-03-04 05:03:26 · answer #9 · answered by canadaguy 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
If you are ready to make the choice to never cheat again and ready to give yourself 100% to your marriage, then don't tell about the cheating. Pour yourself into the marriage. It would only hurt the other person to confess what you did.
2007-03-04 04:56:45 · answer #10 · answered by Royalhinney 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋