Emotional affair?

Question

I have been having an emotional affair with a man who lives over 1600 miles from me. I have fallen in love with him but I am an unhappily married woman. My husband makes me feel so overlooked and has degraded me through the years. We had marriage counceling and nothing changed. He just found out about my affair and he is crushed. I love him but I am not in love with him. I don't know what to do. I am not sure I want the marriage as I don't think things will change.

Answer 1

To me, you have several problems you are facing right now. One is that your husband made you feel really unvalued, and he didn't try to change, even when you went to counseling. The next is that you found someone else who has been giving you the emotional support and attention you so desperately needed. The third is that you "love" your husband, but you are not "in love" with him.
The first problem is one your husband is totally responsible for. Men just don't seem to understand, in most cases, that a woman can't live forever with a man who has no respect for her. I have been in a similar place. When another man starts giving you the respect and admiration you crave, it is SO hard to ignore that.
That is your second problem. You couldn't, or at least didn't ignore it. You kept going back for more. I am NOT judging you. I couldn't ignore it either. I told myself we were just friends, that it wasn't an affair cos we didn't touch each other. I know now that it doesn't matter how much you resist the physical part, if you let someone else into your heart, you won't have room for you spouse. Honestly, in my case, I wanted to push my husband away. I felt he'd done too much to hurt me. I never cheated, but the other guy did push me to get out instead of staying in my bad marriage. Was that bad or good? I don't know.
The last part the "love" vs. "in love" part is the toughest. It depends on what you mean. To me, being in love is just the first part, and the BIG part is love. I stopped loving my husband, which is why I left. I cared about him as a friend, and a fellow human, but the romantic, deep feelings were over. Only you can say what is in your heart. If you have lost those feelings, I don't know if you can get them back. I know the other person has complicated things for you. Try to ignore that piece, and focus on your feelings about your husband. If you still love him, deep down, give it another try. If not, give BOTH of you a break and end it. You are torturing him by being there if you have nothing left to give him. And it's of no use to you either.

Answer 2

It's a little difficult to say that you are giving your marriage 100% if you are in love with someone else. You can't be trying to make your marriage work if you have feelings for another man. Of course this other man is going to seem more appealing because you the only thing you two have is communication and no distractions or "real life" problems that come with any marriage. All men at some point in their marriage neglect their wives but you have to ask yourself what you are doing to make this happen? If you have isolated yourself from him and put yourself in front of a computer then you are neglecting his needs as well. Try not talking to this other man for awhile and just focus on repairing your marriage. You can't do both at the same time. At least that way you will know that you gave it your best-you owe it to yourself and your marriage. You may go through several marriage counselors before you find the one that works for both of you.

Answer 3

if your husband is crushed maybe u will see some changes in him. as for the emotional affair, stop it now, focus on the man u married first, and if it doesn't work out, than get a divorce before u cheat and go behind your husbands back. u don't really know this man except for what he is telling u. u really know nothing about him. think when we get hurt by our husbands we are open to just about anyone who will give us any kind of positive attention. but is it worth sacrificing your marriage for? especially since your husband may change. don't count on this emotional affair to help u or to turn into anything, especially from that far of a distance away.

Answer 4

Sometimes husbands who don't appreciate their wives need a kick in the pants! Many husbands become convinced after years and years of marriage that their wives are barely any good to them, much less anybody else. Maybe the "emotional" affair you had will make your husband realize that if he isn't making you happy, somebody else will! And if he feels threatened, there's a good chance he might be willing to step up and BE the man you fell in love with. I don't blame you for not being in love with the man he has become!

Answer 5

That you claim to love a man 1600 miles away illustarates that you have no clue what love is.
That you believe in emotional affairs and the " I love him but am not IN love" also shows you are living in some fairy tale world.
It is well past time for you to take the chip off your shoulder and deal with YOUR marriage.
Your head is not there but your body is. Perhaps yopu should quit with the dream world and deal with the reality of your life.
Right now you are coming off as shallow and lost.
Figure out what to do with your husband. Stay or leave but open your eyes. Your behavior is deplorable. You have listed all the things he did in the past yet admit cheating today. Where are you any better?
You are surprised that he is crushed aren't you? Its because you are chasing some kind of imaginary concept of love instaed of
the reality of relationships.
If you cannot pack up and move out RIGHT NOW based upon what he did yesterday then you are the cheat. Is that what you want for your own self image?
Figure out what you want soon. What you describe here are stupid reasons for doing what you are doing.
You , my dear, are fully responsible for your own happiness or lack of it. The situation you are in now is of your own making.
You have the tools to fix it much as you had the tools to create this.
Quit chasing fairy tales. The guy on the other end of your internet affair will tell you anything you want to hear. Much like I am telling you things you do not want to hear. Deal with reality and your life. You know the life you are living and the people WITH you.
This problem is in between your ears much like your supposed "love" 1600 miles away is.
Take a good hard look at your attitude and see where you are so offbase pursuing anything based upon this new " love".
There is no difference between love and " In love" except your attitude. That is a BS line meaning, I'm dumping on the guy who supports me and gives me a home, for some imaginary concept of affection.
Wake Up. Grow Up.

Answer 6

Do you still want him and the marriage or not? If you want your marriage then break it off with the other guy and work on the marriage with your husband and if you do not love and want to be with your husband then file for divorce and let him go and move on with your life. Whatever you do do not keep playing with his emotions and hurting him this way. This is not fair to him or your marriage at all.

Answer 7

Okay, sometimes our partners can cross a line with us and there us no turning back. So, you have had this affair. It sounds like the ball is in your court. Work things out with your husband or move on.

Answer 8

quite simple....do not commit adultery while the two of you are still married. You *** husband do not deserve your love even your not in love with him anymore. For your own sake get a divorce,or else the drama in your life will get heavier. Im glad that he is crushed finidng out your affairs,but do yourself a favor,get out now before he can get something to use against you.......just be happy for your own sake....................good luck!!

Answer 9

move on w/yr life. if u r not happy being w/him leave!!! understand that happiness come within & any 1 that is n yr life is extra added happiness.

Answer 10

Soooooooooo what's your question?