how can he do this to me?

Question

lie to me, swear at me,
not to call all night.. after we had last night in arranged..
i was waiting all night for him to either turn up or at least to call,
so i sent him a txt saying thanks for letting me know you decided not to come,
-he was on way back from a party sent me a drunken txt,
and he knows how unstable our relationship is.. why am i always making all the effort..
i take all the emotional pain and he seem to not even care!
he tells me that i am the only one that matters, he loves me, needs me not to give up on (us).. boo ******* hoo..
he would never do anything like that- to not turn up and not to even call!
i cant believe he still hasnt called! what the hell is going on?

Love is so blind it feels right when its wrong..
well we broke up this sunday.. after waiting all day, i called him in the end, he said he doesnt love me.. even tho he put in txt sat night that he did, and even tho we slept together last week after telling me not to give up on (us).. now i am left with a broken heart but its for the best i just hope i will find love again. because i truly loved him.. he kept me hanging on telling me how im the one, that he loves me, he wrote he letters from the heart and i just really wanted to believe that he meant every single word :(

Answer 1

I feel your pain!!!! You think to yourself that it's just a small bump in the road.. that it's possible to get back to the happiness you two once shared. I have learned with my own experience in my sad sad life. Sometimes things are too broken to be able to fix. If it is a one-sided effort on trying to repair things it will never never work. No matter how much your heart aches. No matter how many times you allow all your happy memories to over shadow your head. THat is simply what they are memories, recent events that will never take place again.
It seems to me that he is making it clear that he is not committed to things with you. Him staying out all night and not giving you the respect you deserve by a simple phone call is un called for.
He keeps boo hooing as you say telling you not to give up.. that is his manipulation of the situation. He is keeping you at the end of his string and knows exactly how to pull to keep you there.
Have respect for yourself. You do deserve better, you will find it, and as much as it hurts not everything is FOREVER.

Answer 2

Perhaps your answer will lay in a question on this page about what is the definition of love. This is not it. Would you treat a good friend like this? Then why let him treat you this way, how are you feeling about this treatment. If the feeling is not good, then the relationship is not for you. Someone who truly loves you puts you before even themselves....look for my definition of love under that question...I hope you treat yourself like the precious person you really are. Do not give away yourself to someone not worthy. Only you can control how you feel, so, also try not to take anything personally. He is acting out his own issues, if you are not happy in this dialogue of your relationship, then examine why, learn about yourself, love yourself, in doing so you can let him go with love and find someone who will treat you with respect, kindness, gentleness and awe.

Answer 3

What would you say to a dear friend who told you what you wrote down. You would ask her why she wanted all the hurt. Are you a masochist? Is this relationship a rerun of a past one.? Are you going for the familiar? If so, you need to see a therapist. Before that, dump this little boy. He is a master con artist and master manipulator. He can do this to you because you let him. Get a grip and some common sense. You wouldn't keep sticking your hand in the fire, or would you?

Answer 4

Carefully read what you wrote, then ask yourself: Do I really want to stay with this loser? If the answer is "Yes", then you deserve whatever he dishes out. This person, I won't dignify him by saying "man", is not worth you. Get him out of your life NOW and quit whining!

Answer 5

Funny thing about the laws of attraction, guys are jerks to women, bust on them, keeps them guessing...always on their toes... Its not rational, but its reality....women fall for them everytime. There's something to be said about nice guys finishing last.

Whatever advice you get from above, all logical and rational, don't answer that deep innermost feeling you have....that irrational attraction for a jerk. Sorry.

Answer 6

The thing to realise is that you are more valuable than that - By accepting his excuses and lies you are demeaning yourself and really saying 'I don't deserve any better.'

You need to make it absolutely clear that if he means what he says he has to demonstrate it in actions not in words - if he cannot keep his word to you in simple things, then how will you be able to trust him in bigger things?

Answer 7

Hmmm, looks to me like this question has gone way beyond philosophy, I recommend that you shift it over to the History section, sweet cakes, and move right along there.

Answer 8

You are involved in a relationship that is headed no where.
get out, find yourself a man that knows how to treat a woman.

Answer 9

I would break up with him and start dating me! But then, who am i to judge such a complex thing as a romantic relation on its chances of success. :-)
It's normal to be making sacrifices, but it should be a mutual thing or you'll soon find yourself with low self esteem.

Answer 10

The real question is how can you do this to yourself?
What is going on is that he does not care about your happiness or well being. So why would you waste your time on him?