My son is 8 months old. I love my husband of 2 years (boyfriend for 5 years before that), but since we've had the baby, I feel so alone. He works a lot and likes to work in the yard and do things like that. I feel like I'm always alone with the baby (who I love more than anything). I don't want alone time for myself I just want to do more as a family. He gets up for work really early and therefore goes to bed early. I'm up every night by myself just sitting on the couch watching TV. There are only two days a week that we can spend time together and he always has something going on. For example, he is playing football with his friends today. I know what is going to happen, he's going to come home and be tired and sore and want to take a shower and a nap. I guess I'm just wondering if anyone else felt like this. It's putting a strain on my relationship. My husband is a good man and I know he loves us, I just wish he would make us more of a priority.
2007-03-04 01:55:39 · 9 answers · asked by Level Headed, I hope 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Hello-
I think that what you're feeling is pretty common. I think, though, that it is an issue that needs attention.
First of all, it is good to know that you're husband is working hard to provide for your family. It would be wonderful if he could make enough to care for your family so you can stay home with baby. However, I think that you should have a talk with him about what he does after work or on weekends. I think that he should be allowed some "downtime"...but he also made a comittment to you to to be your husband and needs to include you. Maybe a few times a month he could hang out with his friends or have time to do his yard work...but he also should schedule regular date nights with you. Try for at least 2-3 times a month. Be sure to include baby sometimes! As your baby gets older it'll be easier to go to the park, movies, or to dinner together. (There will be a perioud, though, when it is NOT so easy!)
It is hard to balance work & family, but it can be done. Talk openly & honestly about it. Careers may come and go, but families should be forever. Having a baby really does change everything, and you have to learn to adjust.
I would also suggest maybe a few times a month you go out and do stuff with your friends as well. Or even go grab a coffee and relax.
I hope it all works out for you and your family!
2007-03-04 02:05:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Up until my daughter was about 6 months old my daughter's father was helpful with her. He would change her diapers, would keep an eye on her if I had something I needed to do (like take a shower!) When he returned from Sicily (military unaccompanied 18 months) he spent almost no time with her at all unless I "Forced" him to. If I wanted to shower alone I would put her in her bedroom because If I didn't and left her for him to watch I'd come out of the shower and he wold be no where around. He became extremely self centered and selfish (don't ask WHY I put up with it as long as I did...I was STUPID) When my daughter reached puberty he began with the verbal and emotional abuse and I finally had enough and left him. So yeah...I was a single parent from the time my daughter was about two until...well considering we are now room mates...and she's 21...LOL
2007-03-04 10:52:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i have felt the same way many times...after a while you begin to question what is the meaning of this "so called family" if you are pretty much alone doing everything. Have you tried talking to him about it?? If you havent try to. He probably doesnt want to give up anything and still wants to act as if it were just him. Try to tell him that the family come first and that you need some help. you didnt have this baby on your own. I have 3 little ones and i try to keep my sanity as much as i can. Tell him straight out and if he doesnt care to understand or make time for you all first then there are other things that need to be considered. good luck.
2007-03-04 08:13:00 · answer #3 · answered by Sweetheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe he is being the only kind of Husband and Father that he knows how to be.This is new to both of you.Take it small steps.Keep it simple.Maybe find a babysitter so the 2 of you can have some alone time first.He wasnt the 1 carrying that baby for 9 months.He might miss you.
2007-03-04 02:03:36 · answer #4 · answered by april showers 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you say he is a good man and you know he loves both of you then probably he just doesn't know how to deal with the fact of being a parent and he is just avoiding it because he doesn't know how to handle it. I think you should talk to him, and explain it just the same way you told us. Remember that answers and explanations will come out just if it is asked the right questions.
2007-03-04 03:24:41 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
try to talk to him about it, or just make some plans for you all as a family. i realize your son is kinda young to really enjoy doing very much, but try to plan events that are oriented around him so that he can interact and see how much work you do to take care of your son.
its understandable that your husband wants to spend time with his friends, but you do need some time for yourself too!
2007-03-04 02:02:15 · answer #6 · answered by don't be rude. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yeah when a baby comes along it changes absolutely every dimension of your life. you both need to communicate and have at least one night out together a week. talk to him and explain how you feel. dont come across as nagging just make time for you two.
2007-03-04 02:01:40 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell him, not us, seems like you guys have lots to figure out!
I was a single mom, and honestly it might soudn bad, somtimes I like it better this way, i dont have to worry about what the guy is always doing!
2007-03-04 01:59:53 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
You need to nip this in the bud now, before it's too late. You tell him what you just told us in a calm manner.
2007-03-04 01:59:47 · answer #9 · answered by CC 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋