Why did he lie to me for so long?

Question

My husband and I have been separated for about 6 months. The whole time he has been telling me that he is not with anyone else and leading me on. I moved to another state and he came here to visit (he is still here). We slept together on Friday, well yesterday he tells me he's seeing someone for about 3 weeks. I took his phone and come to find out he has been with this person for six months and she is from work (I have met her before). He just lies to me over and over again. What hurts me the most is that he tells me he loves her. Realize I just found this out in one day and the only reason I did was because I looked thru his phone and called her. How can I take him out of my heart. I am a professional women and was doing great before he came here. I think he broke something inside of me. How did he forget a five year relationship in one month. Please help your advice is needed.
Thank you

You don't understand, he doesn't want to be with me. He told me this yesterday and also told me that he is in love with her know(this was after I spoke to her).

Answer 1

You two have been separated for 6 months, which usually leads to divorce. You moved a way and slept with him without any sort of reconcilliation or working things out first. He shouldn't have lied to you, but you two are on the road to divorce anyway. What is it you want and expect from him? He considers himself a free man. You can either forgive him for this and try to work things out or you can continue on your road to divorce. The choice is yours.

Answer 2

It should be a little easier to get over him now that u know he has betrayed u in such a way. Something similar happened to me.
The best way to get over him is to lose contact with him. It doesnt make it go away overnight, but the way it worked with me is that I would be doing good until he contacted me and was all sweet and stuff. I had to cut all ties altogether and trust me, it helped alot. Slowly I got through the acceptance stages and I am doing very well now.
My suggestion is that u do the same. Lose his number, and have him lose his. He has betrayed u and chances are, he will do it again if u attempt to rekindle. He is cheating on his new gf even now, so how trustworthy is he? He wants his cake and eat it too. Dont let him be selfish. Tell him to leave and move on with your life.
He doesnt deserve u and hun, u dont deserve to be treated like a door mat.
U find peace within yourself, and the next thing u know, Mr. Right will come right to u. Hubby isnt him apparently.
Dont waste anymore time on hubby.
Good luck to u.

Answer 3

Well for first you shouldn't not sleep with him that's a no no.Cause i no i was married to my man 33 years and we are separated 3 years now.We are still friend,but never slept with him after are separation.Cause then what happen is you get attach to him,and after he said that he is seeing another girl for 3 months.Then you fine out that he was telling you lies,how can you thrust him again because he told you that lie.How many more lies he his telling you and you don't no about it?.......When a man start to lies he will lies again,and you are not even over the relationship wet its only 6 months you said your not over him wet.Me and my ex did not sleep together we are just friend that it.Now you slept with him well memories just come back and he nose, he is not stupid you no.He new that you would sleep with him but that's what we call head games he is playing with your and he nose it.Next time don't let him play that game.I no you will be over him soon if you don't play his games.It took me 3 years to get over him and now i could say he is my friend now,but we don't sleep with each other,and don't plan to.He has is girl friend,and we are good friends now.Sorry that i wrote all this but it is true.Take it from a granny.Take care and wish you all the love that you need.Oh yes at the end it wont be my decision but yours sweaty xo.

Answer 4

I feel for you and what u r going through! He sounds a little immature and probably didnt tell u because he doesnt want to hurt you and he is being selfish wanting to have both of you. That just doesnt work! At least you dont live here and have alreay started a new life-keep on with that..He didnt realy forget about the five years, u still being around for him to have makes it easier. Be a woman about it all be plesant hold your head up high and dont visit or cantact him- at all. What he did is unacceptable give yourself some time and start dating agian!!

Answer 5

He did not forget your relationship in one month, he never cared. He did not respect you or the relationship and was probably with her or someone else before you seperated. Now he is looking for new ways to keep stringing you along. Heartbreak is the hardest thing. The emotions involved can not simply be turned off. The best thing to do is to take some time just for you. Take a vacation by yourself or simply treat yourself to a massage. Do things that you have always wanted just for you. In time the pain will pass. Until then, cut off all contact with him. He will only find new ways to reopen those wounds.

Answer 6

it may take time for him to come back, but he is likely to come back to u, coz 1 can never forget his relationships for 5 years. the new girl who has entered into his life is not likely a permanent. there r number of reasons why he went to other girl, eg u both did not manage a proper time for eachother life, n the time difference made it too long for u to go ahead. or u both did not share much of ur joys/sorrows together which turned out in a nightmere. but right now bvefore making any decision think again for anything u do, coz any immediate action may take u back to him and leed a successful life again or any wrong decision may take u fuether part. go back to him, he needs ur love, ur affection, ur attention. give him all these he will come back to u. u need to think about the reasons that made him go for any other girl. everything will be ok soon, dont worry. God bless u.

Answer 7

It is human nature to want to be wanted especially by some one you've been with already but we have to realize that we control our thoughts or not and thoughts produce feelings. So either get him out of your life, never let him back in and stop letting yourself think of the what ifs and why nots or just keep putting up with beingsecond best. There is some one in this life for you who will love only you but you can't get the right one in if the wrong one is in the way.

Answer 8

Unfortunately (and sometimes fortunately) love is not something that you can simply turn on and off like a faucet. The only thing that is going to heal your broken heart is time.

Take that time to work on yourself. Go to a spa to pamper your body. Talking to a therapist, or at least someone you feel you can implicitly trust, is also a good outlet and will help heal your heart.

It sounds like your (stb ex-?)husband is trying to have his cake and eat it too. Don't let him play you like that. Don't sleep with him, or allow him to sweet talk you into anything. Keep interactions between the two of you strictly business until/unless he is willing to work on your relationship.

Good luck! :)

Answer 9

YOu won't forget it anytime soon. But getting rid of him out of your life is a start.

There is that old saying. "time heals all wounds" It is true. You'll have a scar there to remind you for the rest of your life. But get on with your life. Throw yourself into your work for at least a 6 months and than try to start seeing other men. They aren't all bad, and you deserve this chance to find one of the good ones.

Good Luck.

Answer 10

well first u need nto accept what happened. stop feeling unworthy like asking yourself what is wrong with me? what am I missing? what does she have that I dont? none of these questions running through your head are going to help u pass these feelings. feelings of hate, anger, confusion, abandonmeant and any other feeling that cannot be shaked right now. im not going to lie it can take major time to pass this. but if u accept what happened. accept that he is this way than u can begin to move on. Realize it was him. and it will be him that will be without u completely. its not going to happen. he isnt going to get to be with 2 women to figure out his feelings. u dont deserve this. dont drink the poison and expect him 2 die. dont put your self down and feel hurt and in pain when he is teh one who did wrong. it isnt hurting him when u hurt yourself. sometimes things arent ment to be. focus on how u want o feel. focus on u havnt found the one yet but that means that they r still looking for u. make your self up. do all th ethings that make u feel good. about life and about yourself. it still hurts but u have been without him for 6 months. dont let him back in. hes only going to hurt u.