I am wondering what makes a marriage work? I recently got engaged with somebody and shortly after a someone else proposed to me with a huge rock. I feel so guilty but now I have two rings. The first one has severe jealosy issues we always fight on everthing. The second one was kind of a playboy and I had lack of trust issues, I am not sure if that will change. I am confused, I am 30 and want kids and start a more settled life. Please somebody help me , what makes marriage work ? Love , trust, money, sex?
2007-03-04 01:07:03 · 14 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
What makes a marriage work is the same as what makes a good/lasting relationship work: Everything you listed AND more. If you can't trust someone, how can a relationship work? Jealousy is a form of lack of trust. Neither man sounds as if they would make you happy in the long run. Not to say the man has to be 'perfect' but you need to have trust, love, respect, common ground, and the ability to relate to each other. Just because you want a family and children doesn't mean you should rush into it just for that reason. You need to be happy, it'll pay off in the long run.
Good luck :)
2007-03-04 01:13:01 · answer #1 · answered by ~Anna~ 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First off, when shopping for good marriage material, you must also consider if you are good marriage material. If you have two men who recently proposed, that means you were dating both at the same time? How can you tell if a man is all that you need when you attentions are distracted? In order to really know a man, you must see him in good times and bad, see how he handles crisis and solves day to day issues and problems. THE ROCK should have absolutely NOTHING to do with it. Now, if the one guy is better at budgeting and handling money, then that would be more indicative of a good solid man. If the one has jealousy issues that cause fighting, getting married to him won't suddenly cure those issues, you'll still fight about them. The playboy with lack of trust, well, same thing, getting married to him won't cure the trust issues. So in conclusion, neither guy seems like a good idea, and just because you are 30 and want kids should not make you settle for someone....do you want to be 35 with kids, arguing all the time because your husband is jealous that you talked to the mailman, do you want to be 35 with kids, home alone at night wondering if your husband is really working overtime or 'playing' with his new secretary?
2007-03-04 01:15:48 · answer #2 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
First of all if i were you i would give both guys back the rings and stop playing them around . I would not marry either one because the first one is way to jealous and would be controlling and never trust me and I would not marry the second guy because he is such a play boy and would more then likely end up cheating on me. You really need to keep looking and dating and try finding a much better guy to want to marry and settle down with. What makes a marriage work is Trusting each other explicitly . Honest and communication. Unconditional love and treating and loving each other the way that you would want them to love and to treat you. Marriage takes work and commitment no matter what. If you find the right man to marry your life will be more complete and the kids will come with it. Marriage is what you make of it:) You should only marry for the right reasons Not just because you are lonely and want kids and a more settled life. You need to marry for love and commitment and trust and make sure that God is the center of your marriage as well. Good luck to you. Marrying a jealous man will only cause more fighting and that is not good at all and marrying the guy with money will not be for love and will end up making you feel empty and lonely as money cannot every buy happiness and love. All i am saying is think before choosing who you want to marry and settle down with someday. This is one of the most important decisions and choices you will ever make in life and do hurry or rush into it out of desperation. Also i suggest you go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help and advice in this situation if need be.
2007-03-04 01:13:39 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Which one do you love? You might not want to marry either one and start a fresh looking for a good mate. Neither one sounds like a good catch. Trust is the biggest issue in a marriage I believe. The first guy doesn't trust you and the second guy can't be trusted. I would say both marriages might be doomed from the beginning. But without love you have nothing.
Good luck.
2007-03-04 01:33:01 · answer #4 · answered by goldensparkler61 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If you are honestly debating between the two, yet still point out their major flaws then you are not in love (at least not deep enough to sustain a marriage) enough to marry either one of these guys. Severe jealousy issues? Playboy? You're going to have trust issues with both of these guys. There are some great guys out there...time to look for another one that doesn't make you feel confused. When you find the one you want to spend your life with, you'll know it. Believe me.
2007-03-04 01:14:47 · answer #5 · answered by whatever 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'd delay the engagement until l knew which rock I wanted. You are not being fair to yourself of to others if you have doubts. Marriage is hard enough, make sure before you commit. I went through a divorce after 18 years of marriage when she found a knight in shining armor. She left me and the kids and married the guy. He dumped her for another 'damsel' after several years. I remarried and we have been living happily for nearly 40 years.
2007-03-04 01:15:19 · answer #6 · answered by charliehc 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you better keep looking! It takes love, trust, respect,sex and lots of give and take. Of course we need money and that is the source of conflict in a marriage. If you argue all the time now what will you do later? A jealous playboy? Nope keep looking.
2007-03-04 01:24:48 · answer #7 · answered by breezy 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you said yes to the first guy I hope you wanted to marry him. Also didnt the second guy know you were engaged? Were you dating two guys? Marriage works because you have good communication and love each other. If you cant decide between two guys maybe you shouldnt marry either.
2007-03-04 01:14:01 · answer #8 · answered by *Aimzie* 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
sounds like both are jerks...LOVE is what make marriage work...my fiance and I fight but have the love there to make it alright. Two minutes later we are usually just fine....get out of both of these relationships. (besides...the size of the rock doesnt matter...its the LOVE behind that rock. )
2007-03-04 01:30:30 · answer #9 · answered by ♥Mommy to 3 year old Jacob and baby on the way♥ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
being truthful,not having two men that appear they now you well enough to want to marry you... Do they know about each other and that one ROCK is bigger than the other? what makes you question their short comings when YOU need to address your own before you marry any one..... you may not be the marrying type have you thought of that................... ?
2007-03-04 01:19:32 · answer #10 · answered by MJ 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋