my husband has 2 children from a previous marriage and 2 boys with me. i desperately want to have a third child but he is so set against the idea and i dont know what to do to change his mind. he didnt really want to have our first child but i told him that i would leave him if he didnt want kids together. he is 15 years older than i am, and i dont know if i am being too selfish to push for another baby. are there any other people out there in this situation and how do you deal with this?
2007-03-03 23:38:14 · 16 answers · asked by mum of 2 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
That's a hard one. My daughter is 1 now, and my wife wants 3 kids. I have found out that babies are'nt for me. I love my little girl, but this has been hard for me, and I don't wanna go through it again. She says she's gonna have another one no matter what, don't know what she's getting at. I would say compromise, think more about his feelings, and you ask him to consider yours. You can work it out.
2007-03-03 23:46:13 · answer #1 · answered by Dane Cruz 5 · 5⤊ 0⤋
My guy is 13 years older than me with a 33, 15 and 4 year old. I have a 17 year old. Each of us has a part of us that wouldn't mind one more, if it could happen SOON. But neither of us will be upset at this point either, if it doesn't happen. Your situation is some different. You BOTH have to want one more or he will hold it against you and possibly that baby, if you do have one when he doesn't. But you may hold it against him if he says no and means it. You may need to talk to a therapist to help both of you work through this. Having kids could be a marriage breaker. You have to think this way...you already have 2 by him. Is having a 3rd so important, that you will be willing to break up your marriage for the sake of having that one baby? Or you could see if he will agree to a six month try out. Y'all agree to try to have one more for 6 months. If it doesn't happen in that 6 months, one of you go get fixed. I understand the selfishness. Women have biological time clocks, guys don't. But you still have to think about if one more baby is worth the marriage.
2007-03-04 01:58:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Honestly, you are being selfish, and inconsiderate too. He is not only older than you and has already had four kids to support, he is in a different time zone than you are in his life, he is looking toward midlife or retirement, and you are looking to prime of life and possibly midlife. Children are expensive and he knows he must put money away to live on in the future, not pay for a fifth childs college expenses. Is it possible your desire for children isn't just to have one more, but to keep on being the sort of active mother that having young ones demands? Its really time for you to branch out. If you have been stay at home, start looking into hobbies, charities, school or even part time work or a business to fill your days. Outside interests will make you a more interesting person and will ease the fact that more children will be a burden on your husband.
2007-03-03 23:50:07 · answer #3 · answered by justa 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
That's a difficult situation. To be honest...you've already got 4 kids now. That's a lot. Have you thought about the cost of having another one? If you both can't agree maybe you should try counseling. If you absolutely cannot go on without having another child than I guess you might have to leave your husband, but that would be so unfortunate for the other children.
2007-03-03 23:42:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
He has 4 kids. You want him to father a 5th. I think you are asking too much.
Is he just a sperm donor or your husband? I can't imagine threatening to leave my husband if he didn't agree to have a baby with me. That is the kind of stuff you should have worked out before you got married.
I think you better readjust your outlook on your marriage. If you have 2 healthy children and a good husband you need to learn to be thankful and appreciate what you have. Does he have any say in this family, or do you bully him about everything?
2007-03-03 23:46:46 · answer #5 · answered by SouthernGrits 5 · 7⤊ 1⤋
Why don't you try to see his point of view? Why don't you try thinking about this third child? Do you think it is a good idea to bring an unwanted child into the world? If you ignore his wishes, and have a child anyway, he could end up resenting you and divorcing you. Can't you be happy with the family you have? I think you should stop being selfish and start being grateful.
2007-03-03 23:49:58 · answer #6 · answered by QT 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋
This same thing happened after I had my first baby. He really never wanted kids, but I got pregnant and we had a daughter. It was difficult for him and then I got pregnant again. It was quite by accident and he just couldn't deal with it, we eventually got divorced. To this day he doesn't pay much attention to them. They are both into sports but he has never come to any of their games, he never aks for report cards, never asks for a school picture. Think of how you are putting your marriage at risk. Think of how the kids will feel knowing they have a daddy that won't be there for them. I know how bad my daughters feel.
2007-03-04 00:08:11 · answer #7 · answered by Brown eyed girl 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
Dont have more then it might ruin your marrage if you do is that worth losing him over?
If you want a child in your life then work at a hospital in the nursery maybe or work at a daycare for small children
2007-03-04 00:39:32 · answer #8 · answered by Just Me 1 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Well if your husband doesnt want any more kids, then thats something you need to respect. Thats why before you get married you discuss how many kids you want and make sure you agree on it.
Dont divorce him just because you want another kid, and dont cheat on him and get pregagnt by another guy, that would be insane of you and could break your marriage.
2007-03-03 23:41:49 · answer #9 · answered by Encouragement 3 · 5⤊ 1⤋
You were too selfish to push for y'all's FIRST baby. Jesus, if he didn't want kids with you, why did you even stay with him? Two is enough, especially considering how he feels about it. Just be happy with the kids you have, and the fact that he is still with you, even after you grossly manipulated him into something he wasn't really willing to do.
2007-03-04 00:59:01 · answer #10 · answered by littlevivi 5 · 5⤊ 1⤋