For the past 2 years, my husband and I have been fighting about his affair with another woman. It seems that we have had the same converstaions for the past 2 years regarding this situation. We really want to work on our marriage and the other woman is out of the picture now. How do we stop talking about this and reconnect with one another?
2007-03-03 23:03:00 · 10 answers · asked by blue eyes 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
By starting the whole courtship over that you had in the beginning. even if it meant if you could one of you moving out and starting a new romance with one another.... it would allow space , new feeling,excitement, being daring....I hope it works.. and that person should never be mentioned again in the course of your marriage or old wounds open up and you are eaten up inside..
2007-03-04 00:37:39 · answer #1 · answered by MJ 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If your sure you want to move forward then this is what I did I ask her to write everything down her feelings ,her want, her , at the time what she felt like , guilt, and emothions of how see was feeling, an other problems she perceived with our marriage.
I also wrote everything I was feeling at the time, And told her about the woman I was with when we separated , because of affair.
Truth was she was hurt more that I wanted a divorce then working thing out but that was that And I found a new woman. well that was 14 years ago, when we decided to get back together and really work on our marriage.
Two years ago I read the letter she wrote , and she read mine , and you would not believe what I found out, we weren't the same selfish people in the letters to each other we were both husband ,wife, best friend, lovers, and team mates, and are extremely closer today then we ever were back then.
I ask wife If I could burn letter and move on, she replied only if she could burn my letter, well both letter got burned that night and we talked about it even today what we were to what we are today and really laugh about the whole thing.
Committement is the key ,communication is an answer and you will gain and lose faith in all the problems that arise from the situation but remember if you try to make it work then, it on your terms.
Trust is gone for you right now, you can't stand the thought that another woman was with your husband, another woman , made your husband feel wanted, when it should have been you! Your going to have to start fresh and work on who you are in marriage and not take the blame for what your husband did.
Your also going to keep this in mind two wrongs don't make a right, don't look or have a revenge affair it never works and hurts you even more then it helps you.
Your going to have to recommit yourself s to being a couple, and let trust build, but make sure it's not blind trust ,because that will never work ever.
Good Luck
2007-03-03 23:45:00 · answer #2 · answered by Free-Lance 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It doesn't surprise me that the year he felt the most confident is the year he was single. When you are single you only have yourself to take care of and look out for. It can be a liberating experience - it certainly was for him. When you are in a relationship, it's not easier than being single - sometimes it's more stressful, however, on balance, your bf or gf should make you more happy than unhappy, most of the time. If he now feels 'whiny and dependent' on you he's simply saying that he's come to need you - and that bothers him. That's true, perhaps - but that's the trade off you make for being in a relationship, as opposed to being single. With kindness, I am going to assume that you and your bf are quite young. You both seem to assume that simply being together will make you feel awesome 100% of the time - or that conversely, being single will make you feel awesome 100% of the time. It just doesn't work that way. You haven't done anything wrong. This guy simply realises that he is happier being single. I know you are upset and it seems you have a lot emotionally invested here. But, it seems that he needs someone else to 'feel good' and if that's the case, perhaps you and he at this stage, are not an ideal match. I'm sure it's painful that his happiness is coming from his ex, but let's be honest - if she really cared for him, she wouldn't be helping him AFTER she dumped him. He may want to get back with her but I doubt it. I think he just wants to feel 'good' and clearly, with kindness, he doesn't feel that way with you. If he is not happy, you should send him on his way despite your tears. If he's not happy, he's not Mr Right. Mr Right would never say this to you. Ever.
2016-03-16 04:01:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to put it behind you. Figure out why it keeps coming up. Is it because you haven't had all your questions answered? If so, set aside some time with your husband when you both can calmly go over ALL your questions about what happened. And agree that once all the questions are answered, that it won't come up again. Other than that, I don't really know why it would keep coming up. I hope this helps and I am really happy that you both are trying to work on your marriage - that is really good.
Good luck to you both.....
Bye!
2007-03-03 23:08:52 · answer #4 · answered by zaytox0724 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Wow, that's a tough one. He did something awful to you, his wife and I know that's a hard one to let go, but if your marriage is to be salvaged you have to let it go. How do you though? Did he see and acknowledge the err in his ways and did he grovel properly to repent his wrongdoing? I'm not trying to be funny, but I hope he exuded a lot of regret for that stupid crap. I'd probably seek marriage counseling so that everything can come out and be known. A problem unknown is a problem unsolved. Good luck to the both of you.
2007-03-03 23:13:02 · answer #5 · answered by Pontius 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Trust is difficult to regain after having an affair, you need to take a step back and ask yourself if you are willing to let the pain go and realize that he is human too. If he is trying to change, and trying to find your heart , let him in, and let him know that you will not be used again!
2007-03-03 23:13:33 · answer #6 · answered by Kat 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You said that you stopped talking about it so tell your husband that you love him a lot and you cant bear without him. Tell him that you are not jelous about anyone but just cant bear the thought that he isnt interested in you. If he truly loves you i guess he would understand. Take care....and do trust your hubbi to make him trust you back :)
2007-03-03 23:12:37 · answer #7 · answered by Choco 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
When the same conversation comes up again.....say something different and see how it will take you in a different direction.
2007-03-03 23:26:50 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take a leap of faith and trust in your self enough to forgive him.
2007-03-03 23:07:59 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
counseling.....you need the help...trust me...do it and you may have a chance...good luck
2007-03-03 23:20:43 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋