We've been married for 2 years. Before marriage, we had occassional sex. His libido was very low comparing to me, I had a talk to him and said we can't get married because we don't have same sex drive and it hurts me. He said nothing and I suggested if he was into any religious faith that prevents him from having sex before marriage, and if we get married he would be normal, he accepted the excuse.
We married, sex life got worse. First year, once a month with my initiation, crying, shouting and stuff. This year nothing, haven't had it for months. He says he loves me to bits, he kisses me on the chicks, hugs me from time to time, rubs my hand with love, still very excited that we got married. but he's not interested in any foreplay, intercourse or any love-making. I have tried talking to him in any way possible, when we talk in peace, he says well, I promise it gets better, or, I am angry with you for that bla bla, or, you take it too seriousely, it's not such a big deal. .....
2007-03-03 21:52:31 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Then, I ask if he has any physical needs, he says he doesn't care that much. However last week I saw him talking to my virgin brother about what a man needs and he was giving my brother advice about "You know, you should get a girlfriend, men have needs!". I know he had many girlfriends before marriage, so no sign of being gay. He was even involved in a lust-love relationship with a very sexy looking married woman with 3 kids, and the woman was making an affair, because her husband wasn't having sex with him, so she was getting it from my so-called sexy husband. We have discussed the story together and I asked him if he feels good about what he did. He says, the woman had every right to be with him, for no-sex marriage she was suffering. Then I asked him, OK, you know how important it is for me, and knowingly you are ignoring me, so do I have the same right of cheating on you? He got angry and said if you ever cheat, stay there never come back. Confused as I'm sure he loves me, but ...
2007-03-03 21:58:34 · update #1
The people who suggest me to do things to seduce him. Well first of all thanks. However I have been a very attractive, beautiful looking woman, so I have never tried really to seduce a man. Men always got attracted to me like a magnet. However, with my husband, i have tried anything possible, He is just no interested in the subject!, and trying even more, will make me feel even worse, less-confident and needy that I have to try to seduce him, it just makes me more frustrated with him. Just to say, he has not worked for this 2 years, and I was the one to give him money, car, house and ect. to survive. This week , he is supposed to go to work, but I am not sure, with his childish attitude, he will survive the job anyway. We have some more problems too, he hates communicating, avoids any discussion, hates to read a book, or improve himself, as his english is terribly embarrassing, he is obese, eats eats and eats.
His good points are: warm sense of humor socially, very tidy and kind.
2007-03-03 22:12:01 · update #2
Tell him: darlingg your a good man been a good husband but do you know what -i'm really fustrated because in a marriage you need a little sex, just alittle bit to keep a flame up between us, and I need to feel wanted in that certain way and you would hate it if I divorced you or found someone else to help me out in that department, so I think perhaps we should ponder on this and make up our minds okay. - Say this sincerily and as kind as you can get, but firmly at the same time to get the message across.
2007-03-03 22:21:46 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Explain to him that while you love him and sex isn't the basis for your relationship it's one way you enjoy expressing your feelings towards him. Try asking him what he thinks about that makes him aroused and try to get some ideas from that. If he's not interested in the subject at all, announce to him that you are going to buy yoursefl some sex toys because you need some release. He'll probably rant and rave for a bit when you tell him and after you get them but after a few days/weeks you could ask him if he'd like to watch. He will probably be curious about what you brought and say yes.
If none of the above work then maybe you should go to marriage counselling or a erectile specialist. Your husband could suffer from erectile disfunction, low libido or just low self esteem and you need to find out which so that you can both move forward happily in your marriage. If he's unwilling to do any of those things, set a day once a week where you take turns in giving each other pleasure. There are heaps of different things you and your husband can try to make your husband more responsive to you sexually, you just have to try all your avenues until you find the right one.
Good luck.
2007-03-04 06:02:40 · answer #2 · answered by Alyeria 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow I was reading your question and it was ok you had the sexual issue going on.
The further down the page I got the worse it all looked to me.
You married this man the way he is yet you are trying to change him to how you want him to be.
He isn't working isn't contributing isn't a true part of the relationship.
And dont forget your needs and desires will not go away just more and more anger and frustration will set in making you more and more miserable if you dont do something, DUMP HIM
WHAT DOES HE DO FOR YOU
You need to cut him loose dump him now before you loose much much more.
He doesn't want you he wont support you he isn't there for you stop fighting the impossible and move on he isn't worth it!
Love this isn't love this is convenient and mostly for him, he doesn't have to do a thing and he is taken care of!
I wouldn't doubt one bit that he is out with men when you aren't around sounds just like the typical "impotent straight guy' using his marriage and everything else to hide behind. Why do you think he was so into talking to your virgin brother about a mans needs...........he wants him!
Wake up girl you would be better off alone then miserable and used by some looser!
2007-03-04 06:27:05 · answer #3 · answered by Crampy Grampy 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well i am sorry to say this but it sounds like the only time he is happy with having sex is when its the lust kind of sex. I would say that if he is the way he seems to be then i would have to tell him to buck his ideas up or he will have to go. Marriage is not just about sex i know but it doesn't seem like you are getting much else to. The things he is giving you can be given by a best friend male or female. Sorry but its true. You need to face up to the fact that he may want out but doesn't know how to tell you.
There could be another reason to. Some men can get like this if there Testosterone levels are to low he can find this out by having a blood test done off the docs. I would ask him to go there and if he says no then tell him that if he doesn't then you don't want to live in a relationship that has no or little sex in it.
I came across this web site where men ask about there sex life and can this doc help them. It might help you and him.
http://www.druginfonet.com/index.php?pageID=faq/new/DISEASE_FAQ/Testosterone.htm
2007-03-04 06:37:06 · answer #4 · answered by Jinxy 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My hubby wanted sex all the time before marriage. Six months into the marriage he stopped wanting it. I went 3 1/2 years without sex! I ended up having affairs....but only after I TOLD my hubby I was going to have sex with him of someone else! We stayed married for 8 1/2 years before I couldn't take anymore.
You need to talk to him and tell him you have needs that are part of any healthy marriage! Then ask him to go into counseling WITH you.
Chaances are something else is going on with him and it's not anything you did or didn't do.
Even if he won't go into counseling WITH you, you still need counseling, if only for you!
2007-03-04 05:59:24 · answer #5 · answered by Kristi G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like he is mentally depressed. Before you start looking elsewhere, insist that he see a doctor or a counselor. From the way you described him, he sounds like he has some personal issues that needs to be addressed very soon.
He may be quick witted, humorous, tidy and kind but his outward appearance and actions speak volumes.
If he refuses or comes back that it is you that needs the help then it's time to go. Don't wait till you're frustrated to the point that you become numb to emotion or you will be the one that needs the help.
2007-03-04 06:27:34 · answer #6 · answered by in_the_dark_friend 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know how hurt and frustrated you must feel, the constant rejection gets to you after a while... Just remember it isnt your fault! And really why bother with seducing him if he cant be bothered to even try, its only degrading yourself even further the way I see it! Sounds like the guy is a total jerk and you could do way better for yourself, just tell him he hasnt kept up to his end of the marriage bargain (lets face it - sounds like he is pretty much using you) and he doesnt keep his promises to you, so he really isnt any good for you. Best of luck!
2007-03-04 07:09:59 · answer #7 · answered by Eve M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is a big deal. There must be a reason. Try to get him to talk to you about why he doesn't want sex. Seek counseling together if he will agree.
Above all, don't let yourself internalize his lack of interest. Be a bold beautiful woman and love yourself.
2007-03-04 05:57:00 · answer #8 · answered by why 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sex is very much a matter of the right hormons, and in a man it is also a matter of his impulsive dick fiercely immoderately bulging forward craving to shoot the germs of new life unto the right female receptacle, so craving to conquer and to develop the bright potentialities of life. And problems about this on the man's side may be due to a deficiency of hormons - to not really being in good health for sex.
As we humans thru civilisation and morals have got a sort of sometimes very artificial and even oftenmost scarce sex life, it may be interesting for us to go and look at, and so also to reflect upon, the sexual life of wild beasts in order to see what genuine sex life might be.
If you really want your own sexual joy and bright corroboration, you might try to get into the feel of being a fiercy proud wild female beast whose sexual life cannot be repressed nor procrastinated for ever, and so you might bluntly, even if considerately humanely (remember, it may not be directly his fault that your husband is so about your sex life, as his sex life may not depend on his will, but on his health), decide that you must be in the nearby of one fiercy macho-man who wants to really urgently "conquer" you so that his life and your own life may be sexually corroborated. Good luck to you!
2007-03-04 06:46:39 · answer #9 · answered by pasquale garonfolo 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hmmm. My ex was like that. We only lasted 9 months married! It was a big deal to me, you start to wonder all sorts of things about yourself, then when I left and met someone new, I realised that it wasn't my problem or his, I think we just weren't suited to each other sexually.
2007-03-04 05:58:09 · answer #10 · answered by jeeps 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋