I have this friend since high school, she is partially blind, we get alomg fine except that she is a very needy person. At first, I feel pity for her so I helped her in most everything but later I realize that she has become too dependent on me. She uses her disabilty to gain sympathy and an excuse of why she can't do this and that when I know she can be better if she just try hard enough. I understand her limitations but she does not make any effort to help herself. I'm almost too tired of her because she expect to take more than to give. How can I tell her about all thses nicely without breaking her spirits and breaking our friendship? How can I help her be not more of a needy person?
2007-03-03 19:52:53 · 3 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
The best way to handle this is to treat her as you would any other friend. You can do too much for anyone and they take advantage, handicapped or not. Why not start by making yourself less available....a little at a time. I am not saying to be mean but just say for example,"gee, I 'd love to help you today but I have to get this work done. Maybe you can start doing (whatever it is she needs help with)and if I get done in time, I'll help you".....then casually call and say you were tied up but ask how it went. Then gradually do the same each time she is demanding of you. You dont want any friend to burn you out.....and some people, blind or not, will. Don't see her as a pity person or she will act as one. Treat her as you would like to see her be.....independent but then be there for her on occasion for the harder things or just to talk over a soda for friendship. Soon, she will see how good it feels to be independent and have healthier relationships with others. This should work but if it doesnt, and some people seem to need outright honesty....then tell her gently but firmy, just how you feel .....either way, take care of you!
2007-03-03 20:11:26 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop doing the things you're not wanting to do for her, otherwise she'll just keep on asking because you'll do it. Stop treating her like she has a disability, motivate her, act like she doesn't have an impairment. But, there's actually a condition where people do things to themselves to get sympathy from others. The way to tell is to confront them on it, if they avoid the subject they might be using people.
2007-03-03 20:00:40 · answer #2 · answered by sorrowlaughed25 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
She does need ...leave her alone... U can't change her . Shes strong but she wants to BE NEEDED!!!!!!!!! Thats what u don't understand It doesn't make her NEEDY>>>>
2007-03-03 19:58:35 · answer #3 · answered by remi m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋