My husband says that I am lazy?

Question

My husband owns a relatively sucessful property maintenance business. He often leaves at 8 in the morning and is home by 1 or 2 in the afternoon.

I work a regular job, 4 PM to midnight. I also did work for the business, billing and occasionally cleaning a house or business. Now he expects me to clean an office building 3 nights a week for approx 3 hours-not including 45 minutes of travel time. This puts me home at after 3 in the morning. On the nights that I am not doing that he wants me to clean 3 small retail stores in our city. Each of those stores take about 1 hour to clean, not mention 20 minutes of travel time between them.

I come home at 3 to 4 ish in the morning, fall into bed, wake up at 6:00 to get the kids off to school and him off to work. Work on his billing until 9AM. I try to catch some sleep from 9-11:30

He feels perfectly justified to call me any time the mood strikes him. Especially when he knows I will be napping.

Tonight was the last straw

When he told me that I was lazy. If I call him while he is asleep. I am read the riot act.

I am seriously thinking about filing for divorce. He is a slave driver, does not care about my basic needs. Oh sure he buys me everything he thinks I need or want. But I would seriously trade those items for 8 hours of uninterruped sleep

I cannot quit my regular job-its actually keeps me sane and carries our health insurance as well.

He also expects that I am his "gopher". He calls and expects that I will run and mail this or that, pick something up. Doesn't matter what I am doing-its all about him-its really not about the business. Everything is an emergency.

I have mapped out my schedule-he just doesn't care. Says he can't afford to hire anyone.

Thanks for your answers. So far they've all been great. It will be difficult to choose the best one:-)

Every morning (when I trip my way through the front door). I find that everything that I was able to accomplish before going to my regular job has been undone-time 3. Dishes left everywhere and anywhere He says that he can't get the kids to cooperate. But I say BS-they are taking their cues from him. They are all old enough to help out. 15,13,12, and 8

Answer 1

Girl ,i don't know how you do it.
i have a question ,what does he do from 2 a clock on?
sit on his A.S.S.
just reading your question,i got tired myself .
you cheating your kid's not quantity ,but quality time .
i cannot see you giving yourself ,when you so tired .you need to get a grip on this situation ,it's ridiculous .
and he calls you lazy ,show him lazy.
Now i need a nap .

Answer 2

You are definitely not lazy, you know it, and if he was a reasonable man, he would know it too. If he is in a successful business he needs to employ people, not use you as "free" labour. Maybe what you need to do instead of filing for a divorce is to stipulate your hourly rate.....write yourself a contract based on current industrial relations laws....stipulating the time off between working shifts and if you are not having at least 8 hours off between shifts then he will be paying you overtime. He needs to consider you which he is not doing, so instead of trying to approach this thing emotionally....hurt his pocket. you may be his wife, but you are not his free labour to use and abuse at his will. Stick to your guns.....dont back down....tell him if he is not prepared to pay you for your work then you refuse to do the work. I think that is reasonable.....find out what the current industrial relations laws are....present him with a contract and ask him to sign it if he agrees and if he doesnt then he needs to employ someone else. Dont put up with it...you are doing heaps now.....you will end up burning out if you dont stand your ground now. What he is expecting of you is totally unacceptable, but realistically, if you have allowed him to get away with using you as his personal slave then he thinks its OK. Its not OK, and its up to you to show him....just refuse to do the work...you are not his slave, you are his wife.

Answer 3

Time to go on strike girl! It won't take a week for him to realize how much you do and be begging you to quit the strike and be happy if you do half of it.

Oh and don't forget to hand him a bill for the work he gets from you for free! Self centered chauvinist bastard!

Answer 4

Get a back bone and stand up for yourself.With just 3-4 hours a sleep,you gonna get sick.Honestly,what the hell is wrong with him?.He is not being reasonable here.Come on!

Answer 5

Tell him this is what you need: 8 hr. uninterrupted sleep. Less than that, is not healthy for you. And no, to the extra work he wants you to do. He can hire someone else to do that stuff. I wish you the best. Take care.

Answer 6

Tell him you already have job and cna not take care of him and the kids properly if you are having to do HIS job too. If he really wants you to work for him then tell him to pay you what your other job is paying you and quit the first job then those hours will be feer to help him.

Answer 7

He enjoys messing with you, I can see it. Sounds like he treats you more like an employee than a wife. You should quit and go find a different job and a new "Manager".

Answer 8

Your husband sounds like the lazy one, if you have represented the situation correctly.

Lay it down ... tell him you'll divorce him and take the kids with you if he doesn't stop trying to make you his slave.

See how that grabs his fancy.

Answer 9

I would draw him a schedule, show him what you just told us...if he still doesn't understand and tells you your "lazy" you need to rethink that relationship. He sounds controlling..in a different sort of way. Goodluck!

Answer 10

How long have you been with this guy? Oh my.... hahaha... he wouldn't do that to me.... tell him about me. My husband comes home and then cooks dinner... lol. I'm still not lazy.