my boyfriend and i are supposed to get married in 5 weeks, but the problem is that he cheated on me like 1 month ago, i forgave him but the problem is that i cant forget and so we argue all the time and now he thinks about breaking up because i will never forget and he doesnt want to argue all the time, but i dont want to lose him, does anybody know what to do, is so hard!!!!!
2007-03-03 18:51:43 · 22 answers · asked by mal_lam 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
we have a 11months old baby together. and it was the 1st time he cheated on me! ( as he says)
2007-03-03 20:57:47 · update #1
I would say you should get away from him. He will cheat again.
2007-03-03 18:54:39 · answer #1 · answered by Answer-O-Matic 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I know this is not what you want to hear but you are making a big mistake by going ahead with it.. Remember that a leopard cannot change it's spots and a cheater will continue to cheat. I should know I married one. she claimed to have started after we had been together for over 6 months. However upon investigating I found out that she had had an affair shortly before our wedding. I wish I would have listened to friends and family and left then but I was "in love" to make a long story short I stuck it out for 5 years and at least 6 affairs. I was sure that love could make her stop and if I gave her all my love everything would be fine. I wish you all the best either way I just hope you give these words some honest thought.
2007-03-03 20:24:26 · answer #2 · answered by John N 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Yes, it is hard. It would probably be in your best interest to postpone the wedding until you have things figured out. The fact that he's already disrespecting your relationship by screwing someone else should serve as a red flag to you - give it some thought and decide if this is what you truly want. Are you willing to forgive not only this one, but his future infidelities as well? Because it is highly likely he will do it again. Is he such a great person that putting up with an occasional affair would be worth it to you? If he is - then focus on his spectacularly good qualities, and accept the negatives as a part of the package. But if you're marrying him only because you're hoping things will change in the future - well, they won't. Are you sure "losing him" would actually be such a bad thing?
2007-03-03 19:07:09 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you still argue over him cheating then you haven't really forgiven him. You can't say you forgive him but then constantly throw it back up in his face. If you want to save your relationship and move on with the future, you should both sit down and tell each other what you expect out of your relationship. Obviously something was missing that made him cheat. It doesn't always have to be sex that makes a person cheat, sometimes it can be the need to feel wanted and attractive. If you two haven't been together long you both should seriously contemplate whether or not you want to be together, especially in marriage.
2007-03-03 19:01:28 · answer #4 · answered by blurosegem 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dear Mal,
You're taking an extremely risky chance marrying this man if he's already cheated on you. Being single and dating is one thing, you can always leave one another and no harm done. But once you're married, things get much more complicated.
Marriage is a trust issue. You have to be able to trust one another completely. And seeing that your boyfriend broke this trust, I don't know why you would even consider marriage at this point. If your boyfriend is thinking about breaking up, then I feel that he has abandoned the idea of a life with you. If he was really 100% commited to you, he would not have even mentioned such a thing, not even in the heat of anger.
My personal opinion is that you're getting in over your head, and this man is not going to be faithful to you in marriage. And if you pursue this marriage, then you may be headed for a long, drawn out, and painful divorce later. I beg you not to put yourself through that, it is not pleasant, I can assure you.
Send him packing, I think it's the best thing to do.
2007-03-03 19:01:06 · answer #5 · answered by C J 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I hate to tell you this but in my experience he will cheat on you again. He is such an ****** to even suggest breaking up with you because you won't forgive him. Never forget that this is all his fault...You need to have enough respect for yourself to walk away. If he got caught cheating on you and you STILL marry him it is like telling him that he can do whatever he wants to you. Just be glad that you found out how he is now... this break is a lot easier than if you are married to him for two years, have a year-old baby, and then you leave him. You may not "want" to leave him, just like you don't "want" him to cheat on you... save your life now by ending your relationship with this guy. Sure, it may hurt for awhile, but at least you are allowing yourself the chance to find someone who is worthy of you and that won't run-around on you. Remember this, there are only two kinds of men, those who would never cheat, and those who will never turn down the opportunity. There is no such thing as the old "It happened one time, it meant nothing, it will never happen again"... it will. Good Luck... push forward for you!
2007-03-03 21:05:36 · answer #6 · answered by No More 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First off, I'm sorry that this has happened to you so soon....my condolences...but also, congrats on the future marriage (maybe).
I can't see honestly how you could possibly consider marrying this guy though after what he did. That's just my opinion. He's going to do it again, and if he says he isn't....give him a few years when the stress of the marriage is burdoning down on him, and he's got it coming at him from all ends...I just hope he don't.
I think you two really need to re-evaluate things before you go ahead and get married. You don't want to start off a marriage this way. It doesn't create a really positive vibe starting out. That's for sure. And if you think your arguing now!? Wait until a year from now!
Bottom Line: Take some time out, think about things, and my personal advice....get another guy who will stay faithful to you honey! You deserve that much!
2007-03-03 18:58:42 · answer #7 · answered by Jeff C 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Good night --- he cheats on you two months before you're supposed to be married, during the courtship phase when everything's supposed to be "love and kisses" --- what will he do after the wedding, when you're the "old ball and chain"??! Just how desperate are you to "catch a man"??? Cut the sucker loose, and get yourself a REAL man.
2007-03-03 19:08:05 · answer #8 · answered by Autumn R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you do forgive him, please don't bring it up to him again. That is probably what is causing the arguing, that being brought up all the time. You have a decision to make. Either you forgive him, and trust him, or you don't trust him. Marriage is a committment on both parts. You have some thinking and some talking to do, with your man. Please, talk it out-not get him on the defensive, but listen, on both sides. I wish you the best. Take care.
2007-03-03 18:58:43 · answer #9 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I bet he told you the only reason he cheated is because you weren't married yet. If you want to forgive him then do it and don't look back. If he cheated before you are married he will do it again.
2007-03-03 19:10:18 · answer #10 · answered by rjsr40 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know this isnt easy. You have to make a choice. Either you totally forgive him and never bring it up again. Or, you realize that you really cant trust him and let him go. It's really hard to get that trust back and you are going to drive yourself crazy always wondering who he's with and what hes doing. Best of luck!
2007-03-03 18:58:31 · answer #11 · answered by Crystal L 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋