I hate my mom for having a baby!?

Question

MY MOM HAD A BABY!!! I hate her so goddamn much for doing this to me! I am 15 years old and have been an only child for my life, then my parents divorced last year and NOW SHES HAVING A BABY! I cant believe she is doing this to me! I have had to deal with so much, my parents divorce, suicidal thoughts, school problems, and now this! Am i not good enough for her? Am i too old? Does she feel like she must replace me for her new baby?
I told her to get the gross thing aborted while it was just a few cells big, but she refused. She had the baby a week ago and expects ME to help out with it, but i hate the damn thing! Its ruined my whole life! She even wants me to change its diapers! I told her that this would be HER responsibility, not mine and i thought that sounded fair enough. Yet now she yells at me all the time, she even said that she hated me, she never loves me or spends time with me like she used to, but spends all her time with that stupid, smelly baby.... What should i do?

Well mrs ILoveSasu...
you think your SOOO clever.
You have no idea what i am going through.
So what if you are 2 years younger? if anything that should make it easier! You dont have to deal with high school stress. Mid teen hormomes. So maybe before you
laugh at and judge someone else, try UNDERSTANDING a little bit about them... you dont even know me. Stop telling me to suck it up, ok? You think im the one who doesnt have any love? well maybe look at yourself for once.

I'mAFruit...

LISTEN UP.
Yeah so my mom may have had it tough during the divorce. And she may want my help with the baby. But there is no reason to feel sorry for her, it was her OWN stupid choice! Her own life! I should not be expected to live it for her and deal with her own decisions! And as far as you calling me spoiled... you don't even know me. I am NOT spoiled and have always been happy to have jobs and make my own money. This problem i am going through is emotional, and has nothing with me being spoiled. So maybe stop trying to pretend like you know how i should act because you dont have any idea what i am going through. And dont be so quick to judge others, ok?

Chuck:

Listen buddy: SHUT THE HELL UP!!!
To think you can judge me when you dont even know me. So you say I am a spoiled brat? Wrong. I help out all the time and pay for everything. You say i am too selfish to be suicidal? WHAT THe hell is that kind of comment? HoW THE HELL would you know what is going through the ****** mind of a complete stranger? GODDAMN you have no idea what i am going through.

crazy_ray...:
why should i support her? This was not my idea, i strongly opposed it since the beginning. I thought that it would be fair since it was HER choice, it would be her responsibility. My new baby sister never had to 'support' me when i was a baby, so why should i have to 'support' her????

Answer 1

Your completly right. She is a selfish *****. If I was in your situation I would be misrable too. Its her baby. She made the decision to have the stupid baby after 15 years and now she wants you to help her with all the baby resposibilities? she is robbing you out of your teenage years by putting all that responsibility on you. You are not her baby sitter or her made and she cannot give you the guilt trip. You need to have a serious heart to heart conversation with her. Do not yell and scream, but sit down and let her know how you feel.

Answer 2

I have 3 brother and 3 sisters so I can't relate to how you are feeling, but I think that your feelings may change over time as you get used to the idea of not being the only child anymore. However, if your feelings do not change, you can take comfort in the knowledge that in a few years you will move out of your mothers house and you will no longer have to deal with your baby sister. Also, have you considered the option of living with your father now? is that an option?
You could look at this as a learning experience, maybe you will be a parent one day, having a baby sister will give you valuable child rearing experience.
Additionally, should you ever require a blood transfusion or a bone marrow transplant, God forbid, a sibling is likely to be a good match for you. Consider that.

Answer 3

You are certainly pissed off, aren't you. I don't think you are necessarily spoiled. You may be really angry that your mom had this baby and who the hell is the dad, anyway? You may have expected your mom to be more responsible - that's a reasonable expectation since she would certainly expect you to avoid pregnancy.
Maybe this baby was your mom's little 'gift' to herself as a reward for getting through some midlife crisis. She would be the selfish one, then. wouldn't she.
Hey, I think your mom's a jerk, too - they come in all sizes and all ages.
Then again, the baby is really the innocent party, and you, of course. So you have something in common with the baby. It's too bad you don't see that but it wouldn't do much good anyway to really know that. It's your mom who is the problem, not the baby.
You have a ton of problems and a guidance counselor might be able to help since you mentioned school problems. Sometimes an adult will get really idealistic and say, Just help with the baby and be a good daughter, that way.
It's hard to consider yourself the good daughter when your mom is spending ALL her time with the baby. But that's the way baby's are.
Tell the guidance counselor that you want only positive plans in your future (look to the future all the time and it will help you deal with the present); make your goal college and getting out of the house.
Then make good grades - make that a priority - do your studying at the library where it is quiet. Avoid conflict with your mom. Get into a college. If you have to, work your way through college (people do) and enjoy financial security when you get a good job.
Don't make the mistakes your mom made. And if she's screaming at you, tell her that you want her to appreciate that you don't want to make the mistakes that she made. Tell her that all your goals are going to take hard work and you are going to do your best to achieve your goals through hard work.
Then work hard on academics and live a good life.

Answer 4

Well really, she didn't do it to you, she did it to herself. She's a really unhappy person right now and it's obvious that she is having serious problems herself. Everything has changed (you didn't say whose idea the divorce was or why) and she is suffering just as you are.
People do many stupid things after a divorce because, believe me, it's traumatic for them too. An older, single woman having a baby is probably one of the more stupid things she could have done--but it's done now and everyone will have to make the best of it.
She doesn't hate you, more likely she feels like she hates herself. She's gotten herself into a jackpot and probably doesn't know what to do. Even though I admire her for not taking the easy way out and killing her child she is faced with tremendous responsibilities because of it. The fact that she is yelling at you and not spending time with you anymore is saying to me that she is totally overwhelmed by her new living situation, doesn't know what to do, and has no one to turn to.
You two are both suffering terribly but you are not telling each other how you feel. She's as stuck with her inability to tell you how she feels as you are.
If you are having suicidal thoughts than you need to talk to someone about this situation. Is there a school counselor, minister, or or other adult that you trust that you could talk to? Please find someone because this is absolutely not the solution to your problems. If you can find no one else then e-mail me and I will try to support you in this terrible time.

Answer 5

Ooh, Grow up! Babies are a blessing from God. Yes, you are 15 but she still puts a roof over your head and clothes on your back and food in your belly! So, helping her out is something you need to be doing. I am 10 years younger than my older brother. ( I am 34 and he will be 44 this April) Our father and his mom divorced and I am very special to him. We are very close. You are not too old to have a little brother/sister. Enjoy your younger sibling. Yes, you should help out. It is your job to do so. The world doesn't revolve around you. You need to just grow up. She is not replacing you she is adding to her family. You are her first born and still very special to her. It is just that babies take a lot of time for a while. I just had a baby 7 weeks ago. He takes alot of time to take care of. But, I always make time for my 3 year old.
Your life can not be that bad!! Teens these days always think that their life is just terrable. Grow up and help your mom. Love that baby! She brought a wonderful & loving life into this world. That child has so much love to give the both of you.
Stop being so selfish and childish. You are acting younger than that baby! Think more about your family and not so much about your self.

I would think that divorice would not be a big deal in this day and age. I am sure that most of your little friends parents are divorced too. You sound like a very spoiled and selfish person. Grow up!!!!!!!!

Answer 6

Do you really want other people opinions because you seem to be putting down everyone who has replied to you and you'll probably put mine down too...but I don't care...you can if you want.
You are young and you've already had a hard life. That's awful for you....but you say that your new sister never supported you so why should you support her. She wasn't here to support you but if the roles were reversed...I bet she would. She's the innocent victim and needs her older sister to help guide her.
It's terrible for a parent to tell a child they hate them...but maybe it's your moms way of getting back at you for you for saying you hate a baby who cannot defend itself. You are not being replaced and you are not too old. Most people who have children that they love and adore want to have another child because of the terrific experience with the first child. If you can't sit down and talk with your mom about how you are feeling....talk with a counselor at school or an aunt or grandmother....someone who will listen to how you are feeling. Please give your new sibling a chance at knowing you.

Answer 7

That baby is your sibling. When your Mom has passed on years from now, that baby is gonna be all the family you have. You've had 15 years with your Mom, she hasn't forgotten you, she's just tired and extremely busy right now. If you take part in that baby's life now, that baby will love you and look up to you more than you'll ever know. You obviously have no respect for your Mom. Quit being so selfish. Your Mom has gone through a divorce, had a baby, and is probably trying to figure out how she's gonna support you. Try to help her out the best you can.

Answer 8

I am very sorry that you think you feel this way about your mom and little brother or sister. How sad for you. I was divorced from my first husband and had 2 sons who were 11 and 15 at the time. I remarried and we decided to have another child. My 2nd husband had 3 children from a previous marriage. I was so scared to tell the kids about being pregnant for fear that they wouldn't love me or that they would doubt where they stood with me. They didn't have a whole lot to do with my pregnancy but when I went into labor. They came to the hospital and were there when their little brother was born. THEY ABSOLUTELY ARE DEVOTED TO HIM and he thinks they walk on water. None of those things you are thinking about are true. Of course you're not too old, but I am sure that your mother has thought the same thing. Do you include her in all the decisions you make. Do you make her your purpose in life; of course not. That's part of growing and coming into your own. I think most of your animosity toward your mother and new baby are unresolved issues with their divorce. I would be willing to bet you that if you could see this little child as your brother or sister and not see him/her as competition then you could learn to love him/her quickly. The first time that baby recognizes your face and smiles at you, you will know what love is all about. You are bringing on most of these issues yourself. If your mom said mean, horrible things to you, it was probably out of frustration and anger and I know that you know she did not mean what she said; but, we do that all the time as parents. Nobody said we were perfect or that we had all the answers. This baby hasn't ruined your life because you still have a lot of years to live, so how can you say it's ruined. If it seems that your mom doesn't have as much time to spend with you, then you make the next move and spend more time with her. Please, if you are truly having thoughts of suicide, find somebody to talk to. Go to your mom, but don't pick the busiest part of her day or when you are in a hurry, because it will end badly and probably in an argument. Try to talk with her when the baby is sleeping. If she's doing laundry or dishes, help her out while you're talking; let me tell you it will go along way for the both of you. Good luck to you and I hope that for your little brother or sister's sake that you can learn to see him/her as an extension of your family and not a replacement.

Answer 9

You should grow up and stop being so self-centered. The purpose of her life is not to wait on you hand and foot and to answer to you. This is the problem I have with an only child. Your mother has been through a lot too with the divorce I am sure. Having another child is not that you because you are not enough for her or that she is trying to replace you. I can understand it may not have been what you wanted and some of the anger is to be expected but telling her to abort it was out of line. The baby is here now, try to make the best of it...you could even learn something.

Answer 10

You need to talk to someone. You need counseling and you need to tell your mom how you feel about all this. But do it in a nice way without sounding upset with her. I'm sure she didn't do this to purposely hurt you. Why can't you be happy for your mom? It sounds to me like you got too used to being the only child and now you're being way too spoiled. How can you hate something that has done absolutely nothing to you? It's not the baby that you're mad at, it's your mother. And you need to sit down with her and talk to her about it. She may have said that she hates you because you're making her mad and not helping her with anything. I know this is her responsibility and not yours, but couldn't you be a little less bitchy about it and just help her out once in a while? She doesn't hate you, she hates that you make her feel like $hit and that she can't do anything right to please you. The baby could be a good thing for you and your mom if you stop being so angry about it. What's done is done and you can't change it, so why don't you make the best of it. Spend time with your mom AND the baby. Who knows, it might bring you and your mom closer.

Try telling your mom that you love her once in a while!

Answer 11

Please tell your mom congratulations on the new baby. What a wonderful thing to add to her life right now.
As for you, please go to a hospital right now. Any emergency room can help you. What you need to do is ask them for a 72 hour hold. This is very important. You need to be evaluated as soon as possible. They will put you in touch with some people that can help you.
I know this isn't easy for you, but you are going to have to acknowlege the fact that you need a little extra help dealing with your emotions right now. That is nothing to be ashamed of. Knowing it and not getting help is something to be ashamed of. So take the first step toward getting better. You can come out of this and be a perfectly happy person. Perhaps all you need is a little medication and someone to talk to. You can talk to me if you'd like- just IM me and I can try to help you through this.
For now, try to see that your mom didn't do this to you, she did this for herself. Her life didn't end when she had you, and just like you brought joy to her life, the baby will too. The baby may even add joy to your life, once you get some help and learn to see happiness. Sometimes it's there, but it's just hard to see, and there are medications that can help with that. Please ask your mom to take you to the hospital. I'm sure it will help you.