kids before partner????

Question

My friend claims she would prefer have children by adopting a baby or two than find a partner first.she can't find the right 1 and is nearing her mid 20s and i think shes got plenty of time to find the right 1 but at the same time she's like me and if we happened to have a child now we would be ready for raising a kid.She said she can't see herself with a partner for a while and enjoys being single but cant wait to have a child and wants to start going through an adoption process. shes considered all the costs and worries and joys of bringing up a child as a single mum (which is not part of my question). is the world changing so that young marriage then children and the "happy ever after family" isn't as common these days and there is a chance to go out and bring up a child without the worries of finding mr right? i feel it will jeapodise her finding a partner in the future but she reckons he'd have to love her and her child(ren) if she ever found him. what do you think?

Answer 1

I think you may be right as far as her having a bit more difficulty finding someone to be a part of her life but on the other hand.... i think that if she really wants kids before marriage it's far better to adopt then go out and get pregnant. She is then taking responsibility for her choices and her life without forcing it on someone else. It sounds as though she has really thought this through and knows what she wants to do. Who are we to say it would make her life any less and for those adopted children it would be wonderful to have a home and know they are loved. Maybe in a way it will help her weed through potential partners and find that " right " someone a little sooner just because the ones that aren't fussy about kids wouldn't consider being a part of her life for that reason. I think it takes someone very special to want to adopt a child and I see nothing wrong with adopting as a single parent. : )

Answer 2

I think it would make finding Mr. Right even more difficult if she were to adopt now while single. First of all, raising a child for the first 9 or 10 years requires a lot of time and attention to the child. Secondly, from a man's point of view, taking on the responsibility of an instant family is sometimes scary. It is healthier for a couple to have those first 2 or 3 years by their selves, to allow their relationship to grow. Having a child while trying to develop that relationship complicates things. She should wait in my opinion. If she reaches her 30's and still hasn't found the right partner, she can still adopt then, but only if she has given up on the possibility of finding Mr. Right.

Answer 3

Our society shows its commitment to others by what choices we make. Our children see our choices and I am sure we make excuses for mistakes we make, instead of admitting they were mistakes! We are all full of excuses! Our children go to school and their playmates have many single moms and dads! Divorce is all around us and it promotes itself through each generation! We even have given the shack up and place in our society, as it is not marriage. Problem is that there is more abuse in shack ups and no real commitment to the children that may occur. It is not commitment when we allow a shack up! It is not commitment to anyone but a thing called sex. Adopting a child can be a good idea, but there are too many children with one parent! There should be a masculine parent and a feminine parent as balance and for experience for the child. Thus two women trying to raise, or two men, is not a good idea.. The child misses out on seeing the other gender in a close relationship, such as family! God bless. Earl

Answer 4

I think she is cool wanting to do this for herself and if Mr.right comes along then he will love the kids.