Is it okay to stay married (and an added issue is we have KIDS) to your best friend even if you love him or her but aren't in love with him or her? I can't imagine raising our children w/out our marriage, but I am cheating on her. Not cheating b/c I'm in love with someone else, but cheating just for the physical and emotional rewards.
2007-03-03 16:58:23 · 10 answers · asked by SixCount 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Too much emphasis is placed on this "in love" thing. Love is love, and since you say you love your spouse, then you need to stop having an affair and re-commit yourself to your marriage. There is a story of a woman who asked her best friend about divorcing her husband because she wasn't "in love" with him anymore. Her friend told her the best revenge on him would be to start being nicer to him, doing nice things for him, stop "nagging" him ,etc. Then once she has gained his trust and he has started being nicer to him (giving her nice gifts, giving her more access to the money, etc.) then she should just divorce him and take him for even more. The wife decided to do that. She started treating him nicer, "acting" like she was "in love" with him. He in turn started acting nicer. The wife then went back to her friend and told her since she started acting like she still loved him, she discovered she actually still did. Love is shown in actions, not in attitude or feelings you see. Stop the affair and start giving the attention to your spouse. You'll be surprised at the results.
2007-03-03 17:20:11 · answer #1 · answered by vegasg8r89129 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Love and being in love are two different things, and if you are not in love with your spouse then it isn't going to work out anyway. It is going to cause alot of problems. Not only are you cheating your spouse out of finding real love and being happy, but your cheating yourself. And you shouldn't never stay in the relationship just for the kids because children know when something isn't right between you and your spouse, and if there is no happiness between you and your spouse then the children aren't going to be happy either. And you are now straying too, and betraying your spouse, don't you think that your spouse deserve better? What about your spouse's feelings? You need to be honest with your spouse and talk about the problems in your relationship. And if you and your spouse want to work out the relationship and move on go seek marriage counseling. But you cannot continue any out side relationship because if your spouse finds out that way and the relationship can probably end in a messy divorce, How would your children fair that way? All relationships get stale after awhile it doesn't stay in the newly wed phase forever that's why you have to keep it fresh and spice things up, do something that would make you fall in love with your spouse all over again. Go out on dates, plan weekend getaways, buy intimate lingerie, send the kids away for the weekends, surprise with unexpected gifts, give each other hugs, and kisses for no reason. Being in love keep the relationship alive and fresh, but love I can give that to anyone, I love my pets, my mail person for bringing my mail on time, I love chocolate icecream. Work out your problems. Good luck.
2007-03-04 01:41:09 · answer #2 · answered by attheendofmyrope 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Obviously if you are cheating on her that is a big red flag. U know as a woman with a child, I dont want a man to stay with me just for the kids. Have some respect for her tell her you love her and your children and you want to remain friends but its time to move on. At first she will be hurt but she will learn to accept it and there is a huge chance you will stay friends and be able to rasie the children amicably. (I wouldnt bring up the cheating) A woman has her pride as well and if a man isnt "in love" with her and feels he is feeling obligated to stay she would rather appreciate the truth than know he is only with her "by default". And if you were cheating with a woman you were in love with the matter would be even clearer. So many children these days grow up in a single or divorced household now adays its not that hard on them anymore in the sense tht they feel everyone else's parents are together. As long as you and their mom act amicably towards each other and work with each other for the kids and you are a constant presence in their lives they wil love you for it and grow to appreciate you all the more for being such a part of their lives despite divorcing their mom. I dont think you are doing your wife any favors just staying with her because you dont want to feel guiilty or be tha bad guy for leaving. Be honest. In the long run the two of you may be happier for it and maybe in time the two of you will find peoepl who you truly love and will deserve your love and vice versa
2007-03-04 01:35:24 · answer #3 · answered by lookinfortruth 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you really ARE in love with your wife and aren't really aware of that yet. Perhaps a small separation would be good for you two. That way you could analyze your feelings towards her. You're probably cheating because you're not getting what you need physically from her? Why do you not think you're in love with your wife...you didn't say?
2007-03-04 01:30:25 · answer #4 · answered by marincaligirl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure. As long as you've talked about it and she knows. But then, I suppose that wouldn't be cheating, would it?
Not at all okay if its a behind-her-back thing. Be honest or get a divorce. If she's you're friend she deserves the truth.
2007-03-04 01:05:04 · answer #5 · answered by pepper 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I agree with vegasg8r8, if you love your partner that's important maybe you should try to reconnect and you would realise being "in love"can come and go at various stages of life and relationships.You have to put the effort in and stop cheating.
2007-03-04 01:27:42 · answer #6 · answered by mareeL 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
if you are unhappy in your marriage,then you need to be honest
with your wife, and let her know the truth, if she is your best
friend then how could you do this to someone that you call
a friend. that not a friend. and to keep lying to her is even
worst. time to come clean and tell her. cheating is cheatingr
regardless of how you are saying it.
2007-03-04 01:25:48 · answer #7 · answered by luckystar 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Love your wife like you love yourself, then you know the old saying! when U look into a mirror remember this. No matter how much you polish a piece of crap, you are still a TERD!!!!
2007-03-04 02:30:19 · answer #8 · answered by cottonwoodkid07 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
yes i think it would be awful for him/her to find out that you are cheating, it would ruin your friendship in so many ways, it would be better to divorce as friends than enemies
2007-03-04 01:05:10 · answer #9 · answered by kat_luvr2003 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
youre an idiot
2007-03-04 01:28:10 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋