My wife and I have been separated for a few months and we are trying to get back together or I am. She is trying to decide if she really wants to be with me or not. During the course of our separation we have went on several dates and have spent some time together. Things are going well but, I'm ready to move forward and I don't want to put pressure on her. We call each other several times a day and I tex msg her every day telling her I love her and she will reply but, she never sends them to me first. what should I do? I have done everything to show her how much I care and love her. Should I act like I don't care any more? I think she is comfortable knowing that I am not going anywhere. Would the jealousy thing work in my favor? Please help.
2007-03-03 16:47:33 · 26 answers · asked by jc22 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Well sweetie....this is a tough one indeed.
I do believe you must cut way back on your calls and txt messages. This is not a game. This is about you taking time to take care of yourself and give the relationship breathing room.
I somehow sense that perhaps you are afraid if you stop...then she will just drop you completely and proceed with the divorce. If that is the case...your fear...is not the bond that will tie you. True love must be allowed to blossom...not be tied with insecurities.
The thing is...you are doing the instigating...and she most likely doesn't want to hurt your feelings. There is a pattern there...you are comfortable together. She probably likes the attention...but not enough to be your live in wife again.
You didn't mention if it was she who wished for the separation in the first place. If so...then you need to give her time anyway.
It is very, very sad...but in so many cases, once someone has actually gone so far as to move out in a separation...it takes a miracle and great desire from both parties to bring it together again. In other words....I'm sorry but you need to consider this is not going to work.
The other part is...you mention the jealousy game. Well honey...that is possible that it would "work"...but usually only temporarily. Once the excitement and lust and fantasy wears off and you are living your day to day together...if the real and true issues were never resolved...then it is going to flop.
You must think about what you want out of life. You want someone who wants to be with you fully and is committed to the relationship. If she is moving on...no matter what you 'do'...she will be moving on. You just can't change the way people feel. You must look at what has happened and explore that.
Please don't play games though. She either wants to be with you or she doesn't. Those are the facts. You must not let her take advantage of you though. You have shown over and over that you love her. Obviously...that is not enough. She is needing something else or who knows (on here we don't)....you need to talk and find out what is missing or what happened.
I'm happy things are going well. I hope you can make it work together. But please back off...and hopefully she will find her way back to you if that is meant to be.
Take good care of you.
2007-03-03 17:08:22 · answer #1 · answered by kallie m 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Be patient! I dont know the reason for the separation but that might be the reason for her lack of effort. I wouldnt want to say give her a certain amount of time, but at the same time you cant sit back and wait forever for her to decide also. At some point you have to confront her and ask is this going to work for us again and sit down and talk openly and honetly about your feelings and how it bothers you that she does not say something first. Sometimes women want to have the guy talk about it and not just let it go and then she never really knew how you felt about it. So I would not try to make her jealous especially if you love her and care about her. That will make matters worst.
Be open and honest! it will take you far! good luck
2007-03-04 00:55:15 · answer #2 · answered by day 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Back off. My hubby and I separated, he wanted a divorce, I didn't. Long story short, I stopped calling him, emailing him, or texting him. A couple of days later thinking I fell off the face of the earth, he called and said that he would like to work on our relationship. Self control dude! Put down the phone and back away from the keyboard. No, no, no, no jealousy or any kind of games! Not healthy! Don't let her be comfortable. Let her be uncomfortable for a while. She needs to feel it. It needs to hit her and hopefully she'll wake up. I can bet you that she'll be calling you in no time. Don't tell her you love her or beg her to come back. She knows that you won't ever let her go, and she needs to feel that pit in her stomach like you are feeling now. It's not playing a game, it's giving her what she thinks she wants, and right now she thinks she can move on. She can't. If it doesn't work, then she's not someone you want to be with anyways. I hope this works, and I wish you the best of luck. Hang on to a little bit of hope, it always gets you through the day. Feel free to email me if you need an ear.
2007-03-04 01:56:26 · answer #3 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This depends on the reason for the separation. If it was your fault, say for instance, you cheated on her, she may need more time to heal her broken heart. Your right, you DO NOT want to pressure her , this may push her further away. Make her remember the reason she fell in love with you in the first place. Never act like you don't care.... when you really do. Let your true feelings be known.
Then again if she cheated on you take a step back and really think. Maybe this is your opportunity to find someone that will truely make you happy. You don't want to get back with her and then have the same thing happen again. Good luck
2007-03-04 01:15:29 · answer #4 · answered by Miss G. H. Etto 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't act like you don't care and don't go the jealousy route. Do back off a little bit. She knows that you care and want to get back together, now give her some space to decide what she wants. You don't want to pressure her, but that may be how she perceives all the attention you are paying her. Why did you separate in the first place? Have those issues been addressed?
2007-03-04 00:54:48 · answer #5 · answered by n2mama 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If getting separated was something that you did, then she probably is expecting you to change. It could also be that she is having some resentment towards you and she still hasn't forgiven you. So, it could take some time on her part.
What you are doing is showing her that you care and at least you are making an effort to want to change things with your relationship with her, but it seems like she is not doing her part. Don't make a big deal if she doesn't call you and leaves text messages on your phone. The thing is, she needs to start acting like she still wants to stay married to you and pursue her life with you. Are you two married? If kids are involved, then you both really need to start acting like a husband and wife in front of your kids. It does take two to tangle.
I would consider on getting these two books called, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" and "The Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage".
2007-03-04 01:41:29 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its so hard to say with out knowing her character.. was she a needy/clingy person prior to the seperation, or was she always very independent.. the reason i ask, is if she was always seeking attention prior to the seperation from u, then more then likely if u give her alittle bit of the cold shoulder, she'll worry she's losing u and could be just getting an ego trip out of the fact of u chasing her cause shes getting the attention from u now that she wasnt getting from u then..
If she's always been an independent, strong personality, then id say no dont do the cold shoulder thing, because if she is trying to decide which way to go with it, she'll just push u further away.. because emotionally she'd rather be on her own then depend on someone thats not going to be there, or play games..
So it just all depends on her personality..
2007-03-04 00:55:15 · answer #7 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marriage Counseling Sounds Like The Best Thing Right Now.
2007-03-04 01:41:39 · answer #8 · answered by Wisdom 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
She has you were she wants you. Eating out of her hands. This is not a bad thing though. Obviously she wants and likes the attention. Just be patient. If she seems like she is just tagging you along, perhaps you will choose to move on. Until then enjoy what you have. She might be playing games with you, or she might be falling back in love with you. Either way, you will figure it out in the end. You might get tired of it. Who knows. But, as for know just play it cool. As for the texting... perhaps you should send her something simple, like how is your day? She how she replies to that, rater than I love you. Good luck
2007-03-04 02:03:59 · answer #9 · answered by Jackie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There is a reason that you seperated. Do you have children? If you don't have children, it might be best to get out of this before its too late. You really can't do much with a relationship when both partners are incompatible with eachother. It never changes. If she has left you once, she will do it again, and the next time she does it, you may not be as lucky.
Find someone else who will appreciate you for who YOU are.
2007-03-04 00:57:46 · answer #10 · answered by Time4Tivo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋