Please tell me if this sounds harsh?

Question

It would help alot if you would look at my previous question then this would make more sense. I wrote this letter to my parents. Do you think this is to harsh?


Mom & Dad,

I feel as if I have always been the reason for the dispute you two have. I have let you pull me back in fourth between the other with your own
stories and recolections of the past. Honestly, I could not care less what happened between the two of you. I am tired of feeling like the only adult
in this situation. I have let this go on for three amazingly long years. Eric and I are now expecting your first grandchild. I love both of my parents
and do not feel as if I can be a good mother if I can not learn to take control of my life. I do not want my child to become the new me in this
situation. What I mean by that is I do not want my child to be the one torn, pulled and made to choose. I want the best for my baby. I want him
to have it all including grandparents that can co-exist when nessary. The birth of my son is going to be one of the greatest moments of my life. I
want you and your side mom to be there and support me. I want you and your side there to support me dad. I want the noraml family for one day
that everyone else has. I do not want to have to worry if both families are there if someone will taken away in hand cuffs due to your settling
scores. I NEED both of you to put the past aside and put me first for once. I do not feel as if I have asked a lot of either of you. When my son is
born, has birthdays and holiday to celebrate, learns to sit, crawl , walk, talk, looses his first tooth or gets his first hair cut I want him to have the
option to call BOTH grandparents and to brag and get praise. Unfortunetly, if you can not do as I ask I will be forced to handle this. I have
been under tremendous stress worrying over what is going to happen, who I am going to hurt and who is going to dis-own me for my dicison this
time. I can not worry anymore. I can not tear myself apart. I have basically let the both of you destroy any confidence I have in myself. I
constantly seek acceptance and have a fear of not being wanted because neither of you were around when I was growing up. Mom i love you
but you were off living your own life. You left me with my grandparents so you could move on. Dad you were never around at all, in fact I had
to come find you. I'm messed up but I refuse to let my child feel unwanted by either of you and if I think thats where this is headed neither of
you will be involved at all. I hate to say these things. It hurts me terriably but I do not know what else to do. Please understand it was one
thing to let you hurt me I was kind of use to it but I can not take a chance of you hurting my child. Basically you have 20 weeks to
learn to get along and grown up or just know that you made the decision not to be around your daughter and grand-son.

Love,
Your Daughter

Sorry its so long :(

Thank you all so much for the support. I really appreciate you all making feel as if I am doing the right thing. God bless all of you! :)

Answer 1

You should be proud of yourself. Heck, I dont know you, but I am proud of you. You have written a very good letter. It is well written, clear and not too harsh. It sounds like it comes from a place of love. You are standing up for you and your child and your husband. Good for you. If i had a daughter and she wrote this to me, I would pay attention. I would cry but I would pay attention.
You must be willing to live with their decision. IF they can not do this, then it is their choice. You choose your childs health. Good for you.
Go in Peace Sweetie, you did a good job.
Good Luck

Answer 2

No sweetie, this is not harsh at all! You are very factual and to the point. If they can't deal with the fact that you're an adult and they're not than that is their problem. You need to take care of yourself and your baby. Whatever your judgement may be with letting them see him/ her or not. You seem like a very competent mother who only cares about the welfare of her child, and I would just trust my own instincts when it comes to any of that. Good Luck! And I think that your baby is very lucky to have a mom who cares so much about them!

Answer 3

I think you're very strong for this. And this letter was amazing. Not harsh at all. Heck, if I went through half of what this letter and your last post says you went through... I'd be saying a lot worse things than "be there for me"... :)

I'm very sorry of your situation and I really hope the best to your and your son. :)

I hope that your parents can grow up and act like they're your parents.

Answer 4

I think it is a great letter. I would perhaps take out the part where you say "Honestly, I could not care less what happened between the two of you. " as that part is a bit harsh and serves no actual purpose. I think it is important to put your child first

Answer 5

Good for you! I don't think it's to harsh at all... My husband's mom and dad sound a lot like yours, and they need to grow up and deal with the past and move on. The fact that they won't be in the same location at the same time makes it very hard on the children (no matter what age). Again, good for you!

Answer 6

I think you are stressing out about this way too much. I did at first with my husband's parents but now you have to realize that they are adults. You should call your mom and dad at the same time--whenever you go into labor. Explain to both of them that they are both invited. If one chooses not to show because of the other one then they are selfish. You should not feel guilty because of their relationship. Explain that if they both choose to come to the birth [or any other activity down the road] that they need to get along FOR you. If they aren't kick both of them out.

They need to learn that this circumstance isn't your fault and you shouldn't be punished for their immaturity. Don't ask them to be civil--expect them to be civil. If they aren't tell them to leave. Sooner or later they'll realize that the only way to see their grandchild is to get along every once in a while.

I really do feel for you! We didn't invite anyone from my family, my father-in-law's family, or my mother-in-law's family to our wedding because we were too afraid of what might happen if they all got in the same place. I regret that with all of my heart. I'm glad to see that someone is putting their foot down but I've realized if I just don't stress over things like this they'll figure it out on their own. Best of Luck!!

Answer 7

I don't think it is too harsh. In fact i'm very proud of you that you are wanting to break the cycle for the sake of your child.
Your parents will either understand it or they wont. You have made the first step in making things right so that you and your child can have a happy life.
Kudo's to you!

Answer 8

That is a really long letter, I don't know how old you are, BUT you are having a child so just know that you will be a good mom and your child will be fine with that. Your problem with your parents is over, so move on. You will soon understand them better, as a parent, and you will know that it is impossible to be perfect. Your parents were not perfect - oh well - neither were mine and I am certainly not perfect for my son. We expect that from people that are actually no different than ourselves! Look forward, not behind.

Answer 9

I don't think it's harsh if that's how they made you feel. I think that telling them all this is already making you be a better mother to your child. If things don't work out between the parents the child should not pay for it.

Answer 10

No I don't think this is harsh.

They need a wake up call and need to grow up.

Both of them need to learn to be there for you, because they both seem to have missed out on a large part of you life already and shouldn't do the same to their grandson. They need to put their own selfish wishes aside and act like adults.