Another what do u think about this poem.
You are aware of all my feelings
I refuse to express myself anymore
Couldn't you be fair in your dealings?
Still somehow I adore
Excuses with no meaning
You think this is a game?
You are so demeaning
Things will always be the same
2007-03-03 16:24:27 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
Meter can mean more to a rhymed poem than the rhyming. You intent is very good. You meter errors destroy the building of sympathetic emotion. I won't go deeply into meter, but I will count simply beats. When you get the beats right, then you build your hard/soft emphasis pattern.
Line.
1. 9 beats
2. 11 beats
3. 9 beats
4. 6 beats
5. 7 beats
6 6 beats
7 6 beats
8 7 beats
You asked for thought, not praise.
2007-03-03 16:38:36 · answer #1 · answered by Terry 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think that rhyme should only be used when it is serving a definite purpose, and here it is only distracting. Try reading some contemporary poetry to get a feeling for ways to write organic, non-rhyming poetry--almost always, it's more effective. Pablo Neruda is my favorite, but you should also look up Jim McGarrah--his book Bringing the Voodoo Down is on Amazon and he's brilliant. Keep writing!
2007-03-04 00:29:37 · answer #2 · answered by N 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Who are you talking to? What are you talking about? How was this person unfair? What game is this person playing? How is this person demeaning?
I'm sorry, but it doesn't make sense to the reader. Even your feelings aren't clearly expressed. You are obviously upset, but we don't know to what extent, or why. Some person has upset you, but we don't know how, or what events took place. What things will always be the same? The relationship? The way they treat you? The way you feel?
2007-03-04 00:35:36 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like heartbreak to me. Your Avatar looks sad, too.
2007-03-04 00:32:39 · answer #4 · answered by Pom♥Mom Spay and Neuter 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
it sounds like a crying heart
2007-03-04 00:27:54 · answer #5 · answered by ffperki 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
eh
2007-03-04 01:14:16 · answer #6 · answered by satirev 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Not bad.
2007-03-04 00:28:08 · answer #7 · answered by Candy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your a liberal arent you LOL
2007-03-04 01:43:09 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
awwww......
2007-03-04 00:53:35 · answer #9 · answered by Gods Girl...check my new profile 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋