How can I end it?

Question

I'm 27 yrs. old and I've been in a relationship with a married man for 4 yrs.. I've really fallen in love with him. My mama has found out. But then I made it straight to her that it's my life. As for as opinions of others they've advised me to leave him. I know deep down that I'm sinning, but with ending it I have no other choice. He says that he loves me and cares for me. We talk about alot of things. It's just soo hard for me to do. How can I finally end it? I know for sure it's going to hurt me. Currently I regret getting involved and later I'll regret ending it.

Answer 1

You are very right....it is your life, and really is nobody elses business but you and your lover's. You know him, we dont....do you believe he loves you? Do you understand why he is still in his marriage? If you believe he loves you and the reasons he gives you as to why he is still in his marriage is feasible, then you really do have a tough decision to make. Unfortunately love doesnt respect the institution of marriage. People make mistakes when they marry all the time, but because of our stupid values we really do stay for better or for worse....in a lot of cases the worse is absolutely horrible....but we signed that dotted line and we stay. He should leave his wife....he is not being fair to her, or to you, but most of all he is not being fair to himself. I am in a similar situation to you....I believe he loves me, I understand he feels obligated and guilty, but its his wife who makes him feel lik that. He has told her he doesnt love her.....he moved out of the bedroom.....he is either working or with me, so they dont have any kind of relationship, but she hangs on and hangs on because she is insecure. She threatens to kill herself if he leaves....she is holding him to ransom. I have been with him for 3 years and as each day passes, he is getting stronger and stronger and he is finally starting to realise that her behaviour is nothing more than emotional blackmail. He is getting stronger by the day and I believe one day he will find the strength to actually pack his bags and go. He more than doesnt love her, he is starting to hate her...that is obvious. Surely in 4 years you would have seen some kind of flaw in him. You would know if he loves you....and you staying with him for so long makes me believe that you believe he will eventually leave his wife to be with you. 4 years is a long time to be deceived...so I dont think thats the case at all.....he is probably in a similar situation to my lover. I have ended it with my man a few times, and every time he contacts me telling me how much he loves me. I dont know where my future is with him, because there is the distinct possibility he will never leave his wife....maybe the hold she has on him is too strong for him to break the chains that keep him in his private prison. She wears the pants and until he finds his balls, which I believe is slowly happening, then he will always be under the thumb. I dont know what your situation is, but 4 years tells me it is a serious love affair. Until a person is in your situation they should not throw stones.....Love is a very powerful emotion and is a hard thing to ignore. Being married does not exempt someone from loving another person. We are human and I guess thats what alll the judgemental people forget. I dont know what to suggest....maybe end it with him, but say to him, if he decides he cannot live without you and leaves his wife to contact you because you love him with all your heart an you would like nothing better than to be with him full time, but until he is free, it is making it very difficult for you. I am confused every other day....I love him with all my heart, but I am still confused. I would have no hesitiation in leaving a man I didnt love, but Im not him and he has his own reasons for doing it his way. He is slowly getting there, but I know I cant wait for too much longer because its bringing me down. He has to make a decision one way or the other at some point because I am 53 now and if I wait for too much longer the years will roll on and I will be 70 before I know it and still in a relationship with a man who hasnt got the guts to leave a dysfunctional marriage. I like myself enough to know I cannot continue to do this to myself....it hurts, as Im sure you know. End it with him and then see how much you mean to him. If he is the love of your life, it wont end.....if its not meant to be then it wont happen....I guess thats the only way you can look at it. You know him and you know if he is sincere. You obviously have connected at every level because you said you can talk about anything....talk to him about how this whole affair is affecting you. Ask him to love you enough to either leave his wife, or else give you some indication when or if he will ever leave, or else ask him to give you up. You cant go on like this, he has to make a choice at some point.....he is not being fair to you, his wife or himself....he needs to see that. I have told my love that he is being unfair to his wife by staying because he is preventing her from moving on and finding a man who can trully love her. Its very selfish actually what these men are doing, but I am sure them dont see it as selfish....they see it as protecting the wife...but its not protecting the wife....it is living a lie....he is playing a role.

I wish you all the very best....my heart goes out to you.

Answer 2

It is awful ending a relationship of any sort. Just walk away, don't even bother calling to tell him, because that is not usually what happens. But when you think about it would be best for both of you; there are so many people left for you to meet, why stay attached to someone who obviously isn't going to give you his full attention and love, you also don't know what his wife would do if she found out. And just imagine how his wife would feel if she found out, i know from personal experience when you catch your husband and father of your children cheating, you do things you would never imagine yourself capable of. I caught my husband with his girlfriend, we had 3 kids. Although i am not proud of what i did, i, for lack of a better word, attacked her and she got hurt, badly. (This was over 15 years ago). I had never before or after that day been in a fight with anyone, it just brings out a bad side.
Also, think of how you will feel if you were married and your husband ever did this to you,
what goes around comes around!
best of luck in your decision.

Answer 3

It is easy.....you walk away and don't look back. Don't take his calls. Don't call him. Same goes for email. Don't see him again. That is someone elses husband. How would you like it if you were married and some woman was doing this to you? You will never regret ending it. You will look back and be glad you got out. You will always regret being in it in the first place. Focus on doing things in your life that make you proud not pathetic.

Good luck!

Answer 4

The thing you will regret, my dear, is not ending it sooner! You are being used, and using. You don't see it now, but you will! You will remember this for the rest of your life, and may feel extremely shameful and guilty. Certainly not proud! You "love" him, because you don't have to clean his kid's noses and poop or wash his dirty under-ware, and put up with his bad habits like the wife does. He "loves" you because he is free to roam, and you are a breath of fresh air when he leaves the house of screaming kids, or dirty dishes and bad hair days. It's an illusion, Fantasy, a fairy tale that has no bearing on reality. You lie to yourself. IF he ever left her for you, (which he won't) you would NEVER trust him to not do the same thing to you.
That yoke of distrust would kill you! Statistic shows, it does not last.
But then again, what do I know."

Tell him, "I'm sorry, but this is wrong and we both know it. I will not be seeing you again, as it will be too awkward for us. Be good to your wife. Don't tell her about us, as it would hurt her too much. If she finds out, be honest with her, and try to make it up to her. No, no last kiss. Good bye."
Then walk away, and don't look back.

Don't think about it too much. Just do it. Memorize these lines.
I hope this helps. Write me if you want.

Answer 5

Hun you got it twisted, Later on u will not regret ending it, its probly both for the best of u if u do it now. wouldnt u rather end it now than later? the sooner the better...hes married, its morally and and ethically wrong, and for you to know that and still continue the relationship its wrong. Plus ur passing up other oppurtinties being caught up in this sort of relationship.
End it by telling him how u do care for him but u guys gotta do whats best for the both of u...

PS. Dont Forget KARMA

Answer 6

Well,,number one if he is married and he been seeing you for four years then you should know he will never divorce his wife no matter how much he tells you he will..I been thru this..It hurts like crap..But we learn a lesson...If someone is married and tellin you a sob story then they are out to get alittle action while stayin married..Think of his wife and if she ever found out how destroyed she may be...How do you know he dont tell his wife everyday and every nite I Love You..If they have children this will do something to them to...Girl honest,,if he aint left his wife for you yet,,he aint plannin to...I have had to let a man go that i fell in love with cuz i found out he was married ,,i hurt but then i realized if i would have married him then what would have stopped him from doin it again against me to another woman..some men love to play games...Be safe,,end it while you can...i promise you...he will move on cuz im sure you are not the only one he is flirting with...Take it from an old woman who has been in the same boat you are in now...Ending it will save you alot of heartache and pain down the road of life..God bless

Answer 7

yeah love hurts.for you to end it but more so for his wife shd she find out.There is no future dating a married man unless he divorces his wife.he says he loves you ,enuff to divorce his wife???are you willing to hang around to find out if ever he will leave her.four years is a long time and you are still young with lots of years ahead of you so you will recover from the breakup.leave him if you love yourself.
only when you are apart will he know what you mean to him and then maybe he may leave his wife BUT DONT COUNT ON IT.he would have left her if he was not happy and doesn't need you to convince him.
The only workable solution which is a wildcard is for all parties concerned to convert to Islam or if you are African where polygamy is allowed.
don't wish to be a mistress ,it is a very lonely life.stolen moments are never enuff

Answer 8

For sure someone is going to get hurt whether you end it or not. You just have to be strong and let him go cold turkey. You've done enough damage to yourself and his marriage. Let him go just like that. If he really loved you he would of divorced his wife without hesitation a long time ago. But why should he if his having his cake and eating it too.

Answer 9

of course the guys will be hurt...he deserves it!!>>>but,think about the wife!!!!!..she will be more than just getting hurt if she finds out about you and her husband...consider yourself a lucky lady for now..you can cause a whole lot of trouble..think about the kids,if they have together.....i know you have been advise about a married guy...some times married men,like the guy you are seeing>>he can hurt you the same way as the previous WIFE,you will never know that for sure..hmm are you willing to find out later on when your with him??..take the advise and leave him...hurting his passion is better than DAMAGING A FAMILY....also,later on when you want to settle down with a unmarried man..find out if he truly single...do your research without him knowing..now a days guys says there single with words>>>>keep this in mind>>>SEEING IS BELIEVING!!!!! SMILE :-)

Answer 10

WAKE THE F#$% UP. You are being used, plain and simple. if he loved you, he would be out of the marriage by now. He is lying to you. You want out tell him, and then tell his wife about the 4 years, I think that will stop him from calling you. Oh once your out of this crap, you will not regret ending it.

Answer 11

Your priority's are Sooo screwed up! Go find a nice "single" man and marry him. Start a family and put all this bullshit behind you.