Advice for raising child after divorce?

Question

I'm going through the divorce I never thought would happen - trying to raise my daughter in the best way. Believe her father and her need eachother - doing all I can there. But want advice from children that went through "broken" homes as to what they dealt with that was good / bad from their parents or parents who learned lessons along the way too. Please don't give a bunch of links, I've read those - I want YOUR real thoughts... My daughter means everything to me and I truly put her before all else... We both could use your help. Thanks in advance.

(On custody - seeking sole, but with supervised visitation - even supervise it myself in public places 1/wk, e.o.weekend at his house with other supervisors when he wants her (not since Jan 6.). Attacked me in front of her for 2nd time physically is why I left. So the whole working with him thing is difficult because he tries to attack me. Call him every night so she can talk to him but he sometimes answers sometimes not. I take her to visit his mom when I know he's not there.. etc...)

Answer 1

I am grateful to my ex for keeping me important in my daughter's life. She made sure that I could spend as much time with daughter. She would give up most of the holiday vacations. She never contradict my parenting. If my daughter complied that I wouldn't let her to do things, she would tell my daughter that I had my rules and she had her rules. I guess, I would sum it up as my ex had my daughter's interest even if it was in my interest.

Answer 2

First, it's okay. People never expect to go through a divorce, but it happens. I come from a divorced family and I have a few things that might help.

Joint custody - I got used to it and eventually became no big deal. I would recommend a few days at a time or even a week at a time. This gave us more one on one time with the parent, and we felt a little more settled. DO NOT switch day to day! Speaking from experience it is chaos and not fair to the child.

Interragation - Please don't hound about what the other parent is doing. I have a girlfriend who badgers her 4 year old about every second of the day. You may not love the man anymore but if he was a good father then, a divorce changes nothing. Trust he's making wise decisions unless you've been given a reason not to.

Talking about the other parent - My mother would constantly talk about my father, and because that was the only thing I had ever heard, it was the only thing I believed. Until I became older and realized that she was not only WAY off base, but I respected my father so much more after.

Reasons for a divorce is NONE of the child's business. Later in life, when they ask and are old enough to handle the answer, is when you can share what you feel is okay.

Hope it helps!

Answer 3

First, i'm sorry that you are going through this stage in your life. I know how badly it sucks. I have been on both ends of this...the child of the divorced parents and the divorcing parent of children...my best advice is this;.....your daughter needs to see her father...no matter what, even if you get upset at him or he misses a child support payment, don't make her pay for that. Second,,,,never ever speak badly of your ex in front of your child or even anywhere where she might hear you., even if he talks badly about you in front of her, don't make the same mistake. If you and your ex are having a problem and need to yell at each other, don't do it around your daughter. Never let her see the two of you being mad at each other. And most importantly, always present a united front when it comes to her...what i mean is this, if she gets in trouble at school or whatever and you give her a punishment, but she goes to see her dad while she's on punishment, let him know that you need him to fullfill the punishment while she is with him, this way she can't play you two against each other.

If he is violent and you are afraid of him, then neither of you should be around him until he gets help.

I hope this helps....I wish you all the best.

Answer 4

Coming from a broken home, I can try and help. First, you and her father need to be able to work with each other civilly for the benefit of your daughter. Who is going to get custody? Also, if your daughter decides one day that she wants to live with the other parent, both should allow it provided the child's needs are taken care of. If your daughter is really young then dating won't be much of a problem. I know when my parents got divorced when I was 12, they were both seeing other people and it was painful for me to experience. You're also going to be faced with competition from her father for love, affection, etc. My parents never really competed, which was good. Of course you're going to provide for your child's needs, but don't get them everything they want necessarily. Competition just spoils the child, and as they grow they feel like the parents are trying to buy their love. Also, your habits are going to be much more apparent to your daughter, children learn what they see, I know i did. Hopefully money isn't a problem like it was for both my parents, if it is just try to deal as best you can, you can make it if you try hard enough.

I hope this helps, good luck.

Answer 5

before everything: i'm sorry for the divorce, it isn't in any respect an straight forward element to get over, fairly for the youngster -- even although he gained't say it. youthful ones are stricken via a separation. they do no longer understand what "divorce" easily skill. All they understand is that the male position style isn't there. The male figure is major for the youngster, of any age for that count number. they opt for discipline, as you reported that he's not providing. He easily does no longer sense in contact contained in the upbringing of the youngster. it truly is so undesirable and shame on him for that! 2d element: he's appearing his age, in some area. he's merely 3 a million/2 and for this reason he will act rowdy and disobedient at cases. it really is even as discipline is supplied in. the youngster will "try" how far of leash he can get earlier he can spoil out with stuff. He must be reprehended (Time Outs, etc) as a thanks to study that he must be submissive to you and others in authority over him. 0.33: He does no longer opt for a tennis instructor at this early age, fairly with out dad and mom guiding him via it. he's too small to artwork mutually with different authoritative people and anticipate him to excel, fairly even as his dad and mom have not succeeded as a family individuals. What he extremely needs is an instructor at homestead. someone that could tell him "accurate from incorrect" . you opt for to spend extra time with him. attempt to do it as a lot as you may and also you'll see better consequences. I promise! solid success to you and God bless you and your son.....