Hi everyone.Well here is my story.I am an 18 year old guy who is having a serious problem that is affecting my whole life..It is shyness..My whole life is being ruined because of my shyness..I have always been shy even in high school (as I am now in college) and i really dont know what to do about it..I have almost no social life which is just making me crazy..I have always been criticized of acting this way and it really hurts because i dont know how to change..Recently, I have tried to go out and i did go out with some of my few friends to meet some other guys and girls and as I expected they just stayed away from me because I was so quiet and they thought I was boring.I am a really nice guy but i find it hard to make people understand who I am.This is one side of the problem..The other side is that it I always feel lonely because I have never had someone to express my feelings to so I just always keep it to myself.Please tell me what to do and is there any hope for me to feel better
2007-03-03 15:46:55 · 17 answers · asked by CG 2 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
Contact The Palo Alto Shyness Clinic for further info.
2007-03-10 10:30:11 · answer #1 · answered by canron4peace 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Shyness often stems from a lack of confidence. If you work on being more confident, you may find it easier to relate to others in social settings. That being said, the best way to work through these long standing issues is to see a professional (i.e therapist/couselor). Most college campuses have free therapy for students via their counseling centers. Look into this at your school and consider speaking with a professional about your concerns. A therapist can really help you with practical/every day solutions to begin being a more confident (and less shy) person.
You seem like a good guy, but it doesn't sound like you believe you have enough to offer to those around you. Start believing in yourself and others will be drawn to you. Believe me, there is nothing more appealing than a confident man!
Good luck.
2007-03-04 00:07:03 · answer #2 · answered by supernova 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean! It's really hard when people tell you just to go up and talk to people. That is a really anxiety provoking thing to do! The good news is that you will probably grow out of it a little as you get older. In high school, I was really shy. I didn't even like to call to make an appointment to get my haircut. Life will force you to talk to people and over time, you will learn that you can do it. I read this book once called Psycho- - Cybernetics by Maxwell Maltz that actually helped a little. It's worth a try. Good Luck to you :)
2007-03-10 15:14:52 · answer #3 · answered by wondermermaid 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sure there is hope...
One, do you want to be less shy? Some people like being quiet and listening and spending time alone. You said, "I've been criticized for acting this way and don't know how to change." Do you want to change because you don't like being this way or because people criticize you?
Two, if you want to change because you do not like the way you are, then, there are two paths:
1. figure out why you are the way you are...perhaps there are things that inhibit you from being more outgoing (I feel like others will hate me; I'm nervous others will not like me; I don't think I'm as good as others...etc). Changing these thoughts can change the way you act.
2. just change the way you act and perhaps you will change the way you feel about these situations...just do experiments like, "okay, today I'm going to be outgoing and see how that works for me." At first, you will not be good at it and will make mistakes. If you do these experiments in places where you will not run into the people again, it does not matter. You can just test out different ways of acting until you get better at that way of acting and then see if you like it.
If you just don't like the criticizm, just learn to not worry about what others say or stay away from people.
Seeing a good therapist can help with either of these paths...
Best of luck...
2007-03-04 00:00:08 · answer #4 · answered by Nilo 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
These things might sound very stupid but try them out:
1) you must know yourself - know your interests - what you're good at - what you're horrible at etc. then develop your ineterests - take up a hobbie or a sport related to your strengths
2) When you talk to someone - look them in the eye - try not to concentrate on yourself
3) Pretend that the people you're shy around are actually good friends that you're more open with
4) Go through likely conversations in your head - prepare interesting conversation topics that you could talk about with ppl - if something interesting happens to you remember it and bring it up - read the news - keep up with current issues - sports, technology, politics etc. so you always have something to talk about
5) Try and find good friends who will accept you as you are and help you in improveing your social skills
Anyways that's all I can think of right now - just remember there are alot more ppl out there who have it worse - at least you have the potential to improve things.. and you will!
2007-03-10 23:34:48 · answer #5 · answered by Basil 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hey I'm 18 aswell! :) I used to be really shy, still am but not as shy as I used to be. I know what u mean. When ur shy = quiet, they just assume ur boring; which sucks! & definetly isn't true!
You should start be building up ur self confidence. You cant make people like you. If they take the time getting to know the real you then they're worth being friends with. It all depends, if they're keen on being friends with you for the right reasons. Many a time, we get used.
Some of my friends even, they think they know me really well, but the truth is, they dont. They just think they do. They only know me from the surface.
Oh well, You'll get over your problem, believe me. Just dont let anyone else's opinion of you take an effect cause that takes a toll. Just be yourself & let people see the real you. They'll love you just the way you are :)
2007-03-03 23:58:15 · answer #6 · answered by Shobha 5 · 2⤊ 1⤋
You know you could join a Toastmasters group. Many there are very shy and they would understand your shyness. Perhaps you should get a pen pal or two - not on the net - just work up to the net and then trade pictures. Try to not jump to conclusions about who you are talking to relax and take your time to become acquainted. Then your can get a web can and use the telephone to get better acquainted.
2007-03-10 02:50:01 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have no Idea how much I wish I could help you. I know this problem well. My shyness has interfered with everything I have done in my life. I think I could and would have made better choices if I werent so shy. You are so young, I wish you the best. I find my animals give me someone to talk to and it is enjoyable.
2007-03-04 00:07:45 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dude, first off, relax a little. Can you invision yourself talking to people? You're obviously fairly articulate. I think you have a fear of rejection. You would rather be ignored or rejected for what you don't do than for what you do or say. Think about things. If were to tell a story to someone you just met that would best describe who you are as a person, what story would you tell? Something that has actually happened to you, your reaction to what happened. Tell it to yourself in your head. Imagine that you're telling it to other people, imagine their reactions. Would they be positive reactions or negative reactions? Are you funny at all? A lot of times really shy people have a hidden talent for making other people laugh. Its a really handy defense mechanism you can put yourself and other people at ease at the same time. Just don't tell a joke! Jokes are over done. The best laugh is from a personal story. Give it a try!
2007-03-04 00:02:39 · answer #9 · answered by Kate 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I really feel for you.
The best way to overcome shyness is a little bit at a time. Do something that you are scared of doing such as starting a conversaton with someone you don't know. It WILL get easier. Good luck.
2007-03-03 23:56:48 · answer #10 · answered by iq_two 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋