After 7 1/2 years of marriage, we had our first fight where he said mean and intentionally hurtful things to me. He later apologized and said he'd never say those things to me again, but it's hard for me to get over the hurt feelings that I still have. I feel differently about "us" now. How do I get past it?
2007-03-03 15:36:05 · 13 answers · asked by nb 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I understand that it can be very hard to get over hurt feelings especially when its the one you love that hurt you :( Try not to let it bother you on a day to day basis but remember all the good and wonderful things about your husband and why you love him. Sometimes apologies never seem to be enough but you can still try to forgive. Dont let the hurt get in the way of your relationship because it can cause alot of things to go wrong if you try not to let it go. I have and am in your situation and feel the same exact way and its hard. really hard. Keep trying and dont give up and remember everything that is wonderful. Good luck.
2007-03-03 18:06:53 · answer #1 · answered by Sweetheart 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
In a heated argument the best thing to do is to refrain from spilling your guts,whether truth or lies,it never goes off the person's memory. You could however say the truth but you have to be sure it's not during the peak of the heated moments
2016-03-16 03:56:12 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you should be happy that it took 7 1/2 long years for this kind of fight to happen! Most married couples go through this within the first year of marriage! Obviously, the things he said were in the heat of the moment. He wanted to hurt you because he was hurt by whatever you were fighting about. The things said should be discussed between the two of you to see if there is an underlying truth to the matter, or if it was just completely out of anger. Then, really, the only thing for you to do is take your space, learn to forgive, and move on past this argument. Really, you two obviously love each other very much and maybe you didn't react by saying mean things to intentionally hurt him, but he did and that is his own personal reaction and he is sorry about it. Time will heal you!
2007-03-03 15:48:39 · answer #3 · answered by sadmom 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Men say things in anger that they don't mean. I know this because I'm a man and I've done it too. Part of marriage is foregiving the other's flaws.There are harder things in life and marriage than hurtful words. It is hard to get past the shock and hurt but as you grow older together you know that the act of love heals the heart.
2007-03-03 15:59:56 · answer #4 · answered by sheyd12006 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He was angry. You were angry. Anger does strange things to people especially those of us who are impulsive. I know I've said the most hurtful things to people I love and I've said some pretty terrible things in my life! You've just got to talk it over with him and you did, he apologised. Hopefully, you told him how much it hurt you and he's willing to work on never ever doing it again. Now, leave it behind. Don't focus on it. Just let go. Do something to relax. Take a bath. Read a book.
2007-03-03 15:48:34 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You know, I don't know if you can get passed something that has hurt you really bad. It always stays with you in the back of your head. All a person can do is just forgive as best they can. Plus, I'm a firm believer that time will heal all things, just wait it out. And let him know how all this has made you feel! Best of luck with your marriage.
2007-03-03 15:44:13 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wish I had better advice for you. I personally have not been able to get over hurtful things said to me (not from my husband-my brother and my MIL's husband), and it affects my relationships with these men to this day. Just confront him and be very direct about how hurtful those things were. OK, he knows he said things he shouldn't have, and apologized, but probably doesn't realize how much this has impacted you. Tell him that you feel differently about you as a couple. The bottom line is that the people we love can hurt us the most because they know how to push our buttons better than anyone.
2007-03-03 16:51:52 · answer #7 · answered by n2mama 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
When two people argue there are many hurtful things that are said-it don't mean that you all don't love each other-he apologized for what he said -i know that it is hard to forgive and forget-but if you forgave him you start working on your marriage from there-you can get over anything if you love him-the next time you two feel like a fight is about to start-stop and talk about what is going on wrong-before the fight start-give yourself some time and you will get over it
2007-03-03 15:46:29 · answer #8 · answered by brown sugar 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well 7 years alot of stuff can build up over time and you can expect somethings to hurt but look at it like this look at it as a good starting over point where you know now what he said and can change things for the better sometimes truth dose hurt us but its always best to be truthfull in a relation ship and what you said about him he can turn it to help your relation ship instead of against it too start over fresh and use it to your advantage
2007-03-03 15:49:23 · answer #9 · answered by family fan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You really need to let this go as it was just an argument and he apologized. You need to learn to try and forgive him and apologize to him for being so bitter and angry over it. If you have a real problem seek counseling and help for it. I believe he is truley sorry and regrets what he did. Forgiveness and letting go is key here or you just may end up hurting your marriage badly over it. Try going to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help in this matter as well. I think he will give you some great advice.
2007-03-03 15:41:01 · answer #10 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋