my husband says he does not love me anymore !! have done things in the past (7 years ago) have not done any sence he never said he was still having trouble with it...monday he told me he was still upset with it.. i love him with all my heart i want to work this out but he is set on what he wants...we have 2 kids ..they family is real close the kids (and him) are my life ..everynight the kids sit on laps extra never a day/night goes by ...i'm the one that will be leaving the house ..he will be staying w/ the kids..i am so up set over this i don't thank i can save this marriage (14 years) help
2007-03-03 15:22:18 · 6 answers · asked by help 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
i cheated 7 years ago
2007-03-03 15:36:42 · update #1
No wonder this has happened. He took you back thinking he could forgive and forget. Unfortunately, without intervention in the form of counselling, it is the rare marriage that will survive. Taking you back doesnt instantly bring back the trust. He thought he could cope but obviously it has been playing on his mind for 7 long years. He should have discussed this with you a long time ago because you have been living in this false sense of security. If he loved you enough to take you back, he would love you enough to go to counselling. He needs to deal with a lot of unresolved issues. He is taking the easy way out. And why would you be leaving the house? You have equal say in who stays and who goes. You love your children and your infidelity in no way brands you as an unfit mother. Dont lay down and die....you made a mistake, but you dont have to pay for it for the rest of your life. Fix this thing once and for all. You cannot feel guilty for this one mistake forever.....its in the past and it needs to remain in the past.....If you husband cant deal with it on his own, then both of you need to go and get some marriage guidance from a qualified counsellor. This doesnt have to be the end, but dont let one mistake make you into a poor little pussycat who will accept whatever your husband is dishing out. Some people use cheating as a way to make the spouse bow down to unacceptable things. maybe that is not the case in your situation, but you saying you would leave the house and he would stay, tells me he is still making you feel guilty for what happened 7 years ago. It's not right and instead of laying down and feeling defeated, get up, brush yourself off and put the whole thing into perspective. You made a mistake 7 years ago. You dont have to pay for it for the rest of your life. Tell you husband to wake up to himself. Tell him that you wont be leaving the house....you are the childrens mother and you have every right to stay. If he wants the marriage to end, then tell him he can leave. You dont want the marriage to end, so why should you pay the penalty because he cant deal. Be strong and maybe your husband will be forced to go to counselling to get this whole mess sorted out. It should have been sorted out 7 years ago. Dont allow him to hold you to ransom for a mistake you made 7 years ago. I know I am repeating myself, but I cant stress that point too much. If you lay down and die and continue to feel guilty then he will win. Dont walk away....if he feels strong enough about leaving the marriage then make it clear he will have to do the leaving because you are going nowhere.
I wish you heaps of strength.....you can do it....dont allow your husband to wear you down out of guilt. Guilt cannot change the past. He needs to deal with it and you need to stop feeling guilty. If he wont go to counselling, you go yourself because it seems to me that you need a lot of support. You are feeling worthless because of something that happened 7 years ago.....a counsellor will help you put the whole thing into perspective....take care....be kind to yourself.
2007-03-03 15:51:58 · answer #1 · answered by rightio 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You cant change a man heart if he is telling he doesn't love you any more and you feel in your he doesn't then its time to let go I know it sounds cliche but time heals all wounds, we all pay for our mistakes sooner or later so take this as a learning experience wish am sure you did if you been trying for seven years but when a man wants out he will find any excuse and you gave him one . Maybe he needs some space and then he will realize that he needs you and he will be looking for you. Good luck with this.
2007-03-03 23:38:38 · answer #2 · answered by none 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am very sorry to read this. My heart goes out to you hon. Talk to your husband and see if he is open to saving the marriage at all. Suggest marriage counseling to him if need be, You need counseling and help to learn how to deal with this. He needs to learn to give a little here and if he does not want the marriage to work you just may have to leave and file for divorce over this one. Also go to http://www.drphil.com and email him for help in this matter as well. he may be able to help you. Good luck to you and here comes lots of hugs your way today.
2007-03-03 23:33:23 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you cheated 7 years ago & hes just now gettin rid of you??? GOOD!!! We reap what we sew !!!
2007-03-03 23:41:03 · answer #4 · answered by quen g 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Man, what did you do?
2007-03-03 23:26:28 · answer #5 · answered by WhyNotMe 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
shouldnt have cheated then.
2007-03-03 23:40:02 · answer #6 · answered by Awesome Rockin Mom 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋