Just finished another poem and i need some more opinons again(please dont be rude even if you hate it)
It's hard to move on
Forgetting all you had
Wishing you could go back
Dreaming of times foregone
Never ceases to make me sad
Without you something tends to lack
2007-03-03 14:51:06 · 10 answers · asked by Anonymous in Society & Culture ➔ Other - Society & Culture
i think its great! I felt that way for a number of years after I got a divorce. And again when my kids grew up. It touched me. thanks
2007-03-03 15:01:24 · answer #1 · answered by tanat 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
"Foregone?"
Your poem SUCKS.
Let's analyze it...
It's hard to move on
Forgetting all you had (you switched from an infinitive ("to move on") to an -ing word ("Forgetting") and it doesn't flow well)
Wishing you could go back
Dreaming of times foregone (essentially has the same meaning as the last line and therefore adds nothing)
>Never ceases to make me sad (awkward continuation of last line)
Without you something tends to lack ("tends to lack?" I'm not entirely certain what that means)
Read your poem out loud and listen to the rhythm. There is none.
- = short
+ = long
- + - - +
- + - + - +
- - - + - +
- - - + - +
- - + - - + - +
- + - + - + - +
No I'm not being rude, you asked for criticism.
2007-03-03 23:01:10 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
On the right track but needs a little more flow and style to it. But its good.
2007-03-03 22:56:51 · answer #3 · answered by brenda72804@sbcglobal.net 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
hmmmm, kind of short.
don't walk through life bacwards, look to the future because you cannot live in the past.
2007-03-03 22:55:40 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think that is pretty good. I don't like the past topic, but it is nicely worded.
2007-03-03 22:59:34 · answer #5 · answered by cgirl97 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You might wanna get rid of that on here before someone steals it.
2007-03-03 22:55:48 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
Poetry doesn't have to rhyme to be effective. But it does need to flow.
2007-03-03 22:54:16 · answer #7 · answered by Chula 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sounds okay to me.
2007-03-03 23:37:39 · answer #8 · answered by B"Quotes 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not bad kid-do...keep it up...sounds like you just came out of a sad relationship...
2007-03-03 22:56:52 · answer #9 · answered by Raphael D 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Sorry, I'm not impressed.
2007-03-03 22:54:17 · answer #10 · answered by kattsmeow 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋